From boxers to bras
by ChosenMibhar
Summary: Naruto gets turned into a girl and now the guys are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light. Poor, poor Naruto… A femmNaruto fic.
1. Welcome to womanhood

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto gets turned into a girl and now the guys are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light. Poor, poor Naruto… A femmNaruto story.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

* * *

**Chapter 1:** Welcome to womanhood

* * *

"What is this crap?" Tsunade demanded as she held up a clear glass bottle.

"Its legendary water from the cursed Nanniichuan springs!" Shizune answered excitedly. "It was specifically drawn from the spring of the drowned girl mixed with the water of stillness!"

"The cursed springs of the Hidden Hot springs village?" Tsunade asked in surprise. She placed the glass down on her desk and eyed it suspiciously. "They had supposedly dried up decades ago…"

"The Nanniichuan was once wet and full of springs that each had a victim who met a tragic end" Shizune said as she reminisced the old tale.

Tsunade nodded. "Yeah, yeah I remember. It was rumored that if you fell into the spring of the victim that drowned there a thousand years ago or so, you will become them…for instance, if one was to fall in the spring of the drowned girl, they will become a female—"

"That's right!" Shizune nodded eagerly. "I've bought it from a traveling salesman this morning!" Her face fell when Tsunade sent her a soft frown.

"Shizune…" her mistress warned. "Don't spend money on fables. I rather have sake or even a pomp-pomp keychain"

Shizune fidgeted in embarrassment. She hated when Tsunade used the tone she would use with a child. "…W-well it didn't cost too much…I was just thinking it could help with Miss. Takahashi. Since she has high levels of testosterone I thought it could help with her…you know…" she pointed to her chin. "Her whiskers—"

Suddenly the office door slammed open and there stood a sweaty red faced Naruto. "HEY GRANNY TSUNADE I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF TRAINING, WHAT DO YOU WANT?" he bellowed irritably.

The Hokage winced. She rubbed her forehead, it throbbed ominously and with Naruto in the mix a headache was inevitable. "Honestly Naruto, inside voices please! You're 19 years old, act like it for once!" she demanded.

"I'm 18, so there!" Naruto stuck out his tongue childishly.

A vein pulsed on Tsunade's brow. "Still! You're going to enroll into ANBU classes this fall so straighten up already!" she snapped.

"Annnnnyway!" Naruto interrupted the Hokage rudely. "I'm thirsty! Aha!" He cheered when he spotted a clear bottle of water on Tsunade-sama's desk. With a grin, Naruto snatched it and pulled the cork out with his teeth.

"No Naruto! It's—"

"Look, it's your fault I'm here in the first place so the least you can do is spare me a drink!" the young adult complained and gulped the water down greedily.

Tsunade and Shizune held their breaths in apprehension.

When he was finished Naruto gagged. "Yuck! Stale! What the heck granny, you had it sitting around for years or what?" he wined as he wiped his mouth on the helm of his jacket.

Shizune and Tsunade breathed a sigh of relief when nothing happened. Shizune was exceedingly glad. Sure it meant she wasted her check on a dud but at least Naruto was okay.

Tsunade stood up smacked the Kyuubi boy across the head. "That's what you get you little brat! How dare you—"

"Ahhhh!" Naruto cried out suddenly. The glass bottle shattered as it hit the ground. He gripped the desk in front of him and clenched his teeth.

"Naruto!" Tsunade shouted in alarm. She leaped to Naruto's side wondering if she had hit the boy too hard. That idea was thrown out when Naruto wrapped his arms around his stomach as a stabbing, gut twisting pain filled his abdominal cavity.

"What's wrong?"

Naruto only screamed in reply. It was like the belly cramps he got from drinking expired milk but only it was a thousand times worst and it was spreading to all the parts of his body. Naruto heard Tsunade's and Shizune's frantic cries but all he could see were stars pounding in the back of his head. Unable to stand any longer, Naruto fell to the ground and passed out.

Tsunade and Shizune watched in horror as Naruto shape shifted right in front of their eyes. His hair grew out until it was three feet down his back. Next, Naruto's body seemed to shrink as his jumpsuit bagged out. His facial features softened giving him more of a feminine structure. Higher cheek bones, a rounder softer chin, plump lips, longer eye lashes and thinner eye brows…

Shizune gulped as she stole a glance at Tsunade. Her mistress's face was like stone.

"Shizune" Tsunade said, her eyes never leaving Naruto's form.

Shizune winced a little. "Y-yes, Tsunade-sama?"

"Go fetch me the ANBU, extra strength Tylenol and a bottle of sake. It's going to be a long day…"

* * *

"Hello Sasuke-kun, where is Naruto and Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked her comrade when she arrived at training grounds.

Sasuke was leaning against the trunk of a tree. He shrugged his shoulders. "Kakashi is a no show and Naruto was summoned to the Hokage's office, cutting our spar short. I'm going home" he said flatly, walking away.

"Wait Sasuke-kun!" Sakura called after him.

Several years had passed and Sakura had blossomed into a lovely lady of 19 years. She was starting to get noticed by the male population in Konoha and was sent love letters daily from Lee. However in high hopes she continued to pursue her childhood crush, Sasuke Uchiha.

"Let's hang out together—just the two of us. The Cat's eye café is now selling iced lattes! Cool, huh? Tee-hee! They just started serving it that way a month ago"

"Imagine that" Sasuke replied dryly as he walked on.

Sakura faltered. "Please!" she begged. "You just got on probation and I-I…" he ducked her head. "I miss you Sasuke…"

Yeah, Uchiha Sasuke had just gotten out of jail but was still under strict probation. He had spent the last three years of his life in the Konoha prison; a slap on the wrist compared to all he had done. First he was a missing-nin for three years. Second, he fraternized with Konoha's wanted S-ranked criminal, Orochimaru. Third, he became an S-ranked criminal himself for joining forces with the Akatsuki and then he conspired against Konoha by invading the Leaf village with Uchiha Madara.

The book should have been slammed at him and it would have been if Naruto didn't intercept for him. Since Uchiha's true persecutors were killed being the elders and Danzo from Konoha ROOT (kudos to Madara for beating him to it)—convincing the younger generation for redemption was a piece of cake.

His sentence was three years behind bars and then two years of scrutinizing probation. In the probation period He was required to do all missions for free but it was no big deal, he had inherited enough cash from his dead relatives to last him several lavish life times.

Sasuke stopped and turned around. "You're still annoying after all these years Sakura" he said softy.

A hurt look plastered on Sakura's face as tears began to fill her eyes. Sasuke sighed. He hated to see girls cry. Those fresh tears reminded him of the night he left Konoha…the night he left Sakura…

The Uchiha inclined his head. "Fine..." he decided. "I'll treat us both"

Sakura blinked. She lifted her head. What? She stared at Sasuke her face turning the same shade as her hair. Sakura didn't know if she was dreaming or not. "Nani? You will?"

Sasuke sighed again. He never liked women that much: they were so superficial that it almost turned him gay. Unfortunately he needed a female in order to restore his clan and Sakura was the only girl in Konoha he could tolerate. When she wasn't busy goggling over him they could at least hold a decent conversation.

"I want to hang with you too Sakura" Sasuke elucidated. "Let's go"

Sakura's face broke out into a huge grin. "Hai, let's!" she said excitedly. She locked their arms together and led him to the restaurant.

* * *

"Why isn't the Tylenol working, yet?" Tsunade mumbled to herself as she rubbed her throbbing temple. She cracked open a honey brown eye to see the ANBU standing readily before her desk. "Go find the merchant who sold Shizune the water, I will question him" she ordered.

Tsunade's headache was no better when they returned ten minutes later with the man perfectly fitting Shizune's description in tow. He was a stout little man. His beady eyes darted all around the room nervously. He seemed to calm down when his eyes fell on an unconscious girl laying on a pallet near the Hokage's desk. She had on a baggy jumpsuit but her figure could be outlined very well through the fabric.

Tsunade scowled. That little lecher…She cleared her throat in an irritable tone to get his attention.

Looking startled the man addressed her, "Y-you r-r-requested me H-Hokage-sama?" He stuttered respectfully with a shaky bow.

"Yes…" Tsunade replied. He held up the empty bottle. "I have a few questions regarding his item you sold to my assistant this morning"

The man seemed relieved. "W-what do you wish to know?"

"Everything and anything you know about it"

"Well you see it belonged to my father. The old bastard used to brag that he got it from the Nanniichuan springs of the Hidden Hot Springs village before drought settled in and dried them up"

Tsunade nodded her head.

The man seemed more comfortable as he continued, "He claimed he got some water from the spring of the drowned girl and then mixed it with the water of stillness. He was going to use it to turn his—ahem…" the man hesitated. While blushing he said, "…to um turn his ugh— lover…into a woman. Unfortunately or fortunately for me heh, his boyfriend died before he could drink it. So he just kept it as a reminder…"

"And it whined up in Konoha how?"

"The old coot up and died a year ago leaving a huge financial burden on my family so I decided to sell off some his things to help settle the debt…" the Merchant shrugged. He chuckled. "I didn't believe him—heck it did wonders for you sir. You are the sexiest transsexual I have ever seen!" he gave Tsunade the big thumbs up.

Tsunade gripped the edge of her desk so hard it cracked under pressure. The surrounding shinobi and Shizune took several wise steps out of the line of fire.

"SO I'M STUCK LIKE THIS?" shouted a voice suddenly. Naruto sat up, pushing her long golden locks out of her face. He or rather _she_ had been eavesdropping the whole time.

The merchant rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "So you're the transsexual! Hm pretty much sweet cheeks—"

"Naruto-" Tsunade said but the blonde was already had the man in a headlock.

Naruto shook the merchant crazily. "Tell me how to cure this old man! NOW!"

"S-stop it! Stop!" The man yelped, fighting futilely in Naruto's arms.

"Do you know anything else?" the fifth asked. "Naruto stop shaking the man and let him talk!"

Reluctantly Naruto released the man.

The merchant gagged pitifully. _'Air, how I missed you! Psycho chick…' _He managed to wheeze out, "…Yes"

"A cure?" Naruto and Tsunade asked eagerly.

"No, that an ape riding a yak while holding a snake and an eagle drowned in a legendary spring 1,100 years ago"

"ARGH!" Naruto screamed in frustration as she pulled her hair.

"The only thing I could suggest though is…"

"What, what, what, what! Spill it old timer!" Naruto yelled.

"It'll cost 50,000 yen" the merchant said with a smirk.

"WHY YOU LITTLE—"

"Hush Naruto I'll agree to his terms" Tsunade said getting up from the desk and stood before the greedy man. Tsunade held up her hand. "10,000 yen" she tucked her finger under. "20,000 yen" she tucked in the second finger and did the same thing with each finger until she made a fist. She raised it threateningly about the man's head. "50,000 yen!"

"Gah! I'll tell you for free!"

"Good boy"

"The only thing I could say may help is that if the person who fell into a cursed spring is sprayed with hot water, they will change back to their original form but—"

"Hell yeah!" Naruto cheered. "That's all you had to say you old fart!" she stripped out of her baggy outfit as she ran into the building's bathroom only dressed in her boxers. Several of the ANBU got a nosebleed. One agent even fainted, blood running out from underneath his mask.

Tsunade heard the water run in a nearby bathroom and then a frustrated scream. Naruto stomped back into the room drenched. "Why can't I change back! I thought you said by being soaked in hot water, I can turn back!"

Veins pulsed dangerously on the Merchant's forehead. He was obviously still sore about Tsunade's threat. "IF YOU WOULD HAVE LET ME FINISH I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T WORK!" he shouted nearly giving Naruto an ear bleed.

Tsunade tossed Naruto her clothes. "Have you no shame? Cover your cleavage!"

With a huff Naruto redressed herself. Tsunade and Shizune were embarrassed beyond comprehension. Some of the ANBU were trying to wake their fainted comrades with smelly salt while the other shinobi enjoyed the view with the lecherous merchant.

Once the Merchant had Naruto's full attention, he continued. "Normally you could reverse the process by splashing you with hot water however; you swallowed it!" he explained and then sighed. "In doing so the water was absorbed into your body hence changing you from the inside out…permanently"

Naruto felt her insides turned cold as she fell into a stunned silence. She slummed to the tile floor. Tsunade placed aher hands on Naruto's shoulder.

"There is no cure: welcome to womanhood, sunny!" The merchant crackled.

Then the kyuubi girl did something Tsunade didn't see coming—Naruto cried. Tears fell from her baby blue orbs. "Holy crap!" Naruto swore in tears. "What am I going to do? I'm a freak of nature!"

Tsunade sat down next to Naruto on the floor. "Don't worry, brat. I'm here for you, so is Shizune, Sakura and all the other girls of the village. I'm sure they'll take you right under their wings" she tried to soothe.

Naruto hiccupped. "But Granny! My dreams, my… my _needs_ how will they you know, be uh fore filled still?"

Tsunade smiled gently."Naruto, you still are you, just with—"

"With boobies and a vagina?" Naruto added helpfully.

_'You don't have to be so descriptive…' _Tsunade nodded. "Er…Yeah, that's right. Underneath that female anatomy you're still that same annoying, loud, pigheaded, spirited brat!" To her relief Naruto perked up a bit. "You promised you will be Hokage after me…will that change with your gender?"

"No way, hag!"

"Will you stop eating wagons full of ramen because you're a girl?"

"Not on your life!"

"Will you ever let Sasuke overpower you?"

"WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!"

"That's my b—err girl!" Tsunade smiled. She pulled Naruto into a hug. "Well then, you are going to be just fine" she reassured while patting Naruto's back. As they parted Tsunade eyed Naruto's outfit distastefully. "I'm gonna tell Sakura to bring some Kimonos for you later on for you to wear until you can replace your wardrobe"

Naruto looked offended. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" she stood up and her pants fell off her hips, revealing her baggy boxers.

Tsunade chuckled. "It's several sizes too big"

With a pout, Naruto ran her hands her over hips consciously. "Man, was I really that fat?" she mumbled as moved to observe herself in a nearby mirror.

"No Naruto, girls are naturally smaller and curvier" Tsunade answered.

With a lecherous grin, Naruto rubbed her rear and then squeezed her breasts. The reawakened Anbus fainted again at the sight. "Yeah I know what you mean…tee-hee…"

Tsunade's eye twitched. "For heaven's sake stop groping yourself!"

The Merchant tried to ease himself out of the door. "Now I'll just be on my way—"

"Hold it buster!" Tsunade barked.

Immediately the ANBU blocked the exit.

"Wh-what?" The man said turning to face an enraged Hokage.

"Seize him! You're under arrest!"

"Wha? What for? I didn't do anything!" the man screamed.

"Ohhh yes you did. I recognize your face, Aboa Tirumiku! You're wanted for selling illegal shinobi forehead protectors! That's a federal offense! Take away him!" Tsunade ordered.

The merchant mumbled curses against Tsunade under his breath as the ANBU lead him out in charka molded handcuffs.

* * *

—**TBC?—**

* * *

**CM:** I wrote this because I was thinking the other day—What if Naruto was a girl instead of a boy? So here's your chance to find out if you guys are interested. Oh and the cursed springs idea is Rumiko Takahashi's theme from her masterpiece Ranma ½.

.


	2. The new Naruto

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto gets turned into a girl and now the guys are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light. Poor, poor Naruto… A femmNaruto story.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

* * *

**Chapter 2: **The new Naruto

* * *

"So how does the Kimono fit, Naruto?" Sakura asked. She had went through her closet last night and picked out some spare kimonos for Naruto to use until she could go shopping.

Naruto tried hard to close the kimono over her jumbo breasts but it was a no go. "Well it's tight in the chest, heck—it can barely cover my boobs!" she complained.

Veins popped out on Sakura's head. _'Naruto, you idiot! Ooooookaaay he didn't mean it, he didn't mean anything by it!'_ she chanted to calm herself down.

"How about the waist?" Shizune asked next. She saw how bad Naruto was fiddling with the slash.

"Room to spare!" Naruto empathized by folding in the inner layer of the kimono closer to her waist.

Sakura couldn't take it any longer. She smacked Naruto across the head.

"What?" Naruto exclaimed angrily.

"Those are _my_ kimonos, idiot!" Sakura screamed.

"Well it's not my fault you have a flat chest and a thick waist!"

Inner Sakura had erupted to the surface. "NARUTO, YOU IDIOT!" she screamed as she gave Naruto the beating of her life.

Shizune sighed. She still felt partially responsible for Naruto's dilemma. "Sakura, when you're done beating the stuffing out of Naruto, Tsunade-sama would like to have a word with you before you head out"

* * *

Sasuke was making his way to the Hokage tower. He hadn't seen Naruto since their spar yesterday and it had him…_ahem_…curious (cough…_worried_…cough), especially with these weird rumors flooding across the village that the dobe had a sex change. He tried to pry information from Sakura but she remained close lipped about it and the Hokage claimed the blonde had some sort of _unique_ illness that required study, close observation and absolutely no visitors.

If that was the case, why wasn't the dobe in a hospital? He was on his way to the Hokage's office to demand news on Naruto's progress when he noticed a pretty pigtailed girl sulking outside the office door. She was also sporting a black eye. The purple kimono she wore was several sizes too small around the chest but Sasuke wasn't complaining. Her arms were folded across her torso in a weak attempt to hide her plump breast.

Sasuke then scrutinized girl's face. She was cute, beautiful even. It was rare to find a truly beautiful girl with no make up but then he scoffed. She probably was no different from any other girl he had encountered in his short 20 years of life. He would just glance in their direction and they cling to him like leeches. Tch, women…

Naruto was waiting outside the Hokage's office as Sakura finished her business with Tsunade when suddenly she felt a pair of eyes observing her. She looked up to see Sasuke standing at a distance glazing at her. It made her feel uneasy.

"What the hell are you looking at teme?" she shouted.

Sasuke blinked. His jaw unknowingly slacked. A girl who actually didn't ogle at him and better yet called him, Sasuke Uchiha, a bastard to his face? Most girls would be flattered—_flattered_ if he even glanced their way but this one was different. What a miracle!

Sasuke regained his composure instantly. "My apologies, miss" he said.

"Don't you be calling me a missy!" the girl snapped angrily again. "Kami Sasuke are you _that_ dumb? I'm Naruto, baka!"

Sasuke blinked. He then focused his energies to decipher the girl's aura and sure enough, he found swirling blue and red charka. Sasuke rolled his eyes. And just to think he was actually worried about Naruto!

"Dobe, what are you doing in that jutsu? I thought you gave up those dumbass techniques…"

"Hey!" Naruto said offended. "I'll let you know that my sexy-no-jutsu is a work of art!" she then sighed. "Kami do I wish this _was _a jutsu!"

"Then what is it?" Sasuke asked as he nonchalantly poked Naruto's boob that was practically falling out of the kimono.

"Breast you pervert!" Naruto yelled slapping his hand away. "I accidently drunk water from the Nanniichuan, the cursed spring of the drowned girl and now I'm stuck as a girl forever!" she shouted.

Forever?

Sasuke blinked as he computed that.

His rival and best friend is stuck as a girl forever?

Sasuke blinked again. Naruto waited. Sasuke blinked for the third time. "Is this a hoax…?" he asked. "What's the real reason you went AWOL yesterday?"

"I'VE TOLD YOU, TEME! Tsunade had been trying to find a cure for me but couldn't so now I'm stuck as a girl till I kick the bucket!" Naruto snapped, she then sighed. "Is it that hard to accept? I'm still Naruto Uzumaki just with boobs instead of balls!" she shouted while jabbing her thumb at herself.

Oh yeah, the same attitude, whiskered cheeks, the same limited mental capacity, heck even the same loud obnoxious voice—It was Naruto alright, just in a woman's body…Kami this was complicated.

Sasuke shook his head to answer Naruto's question and to clear his head. "Fine…" he shrugged to loosen up his shoulders. "So are you going to meet up with me and Sakura tomorrow for training?" he asked.

Naruto grinned widely. She was so relieved nothing had changed. "You bettca!" she winked. "Believe it!"

Sasuke's eyes widen. He had always heard Naruto say 'You bettca' with a wink as a guy and thought nothing of it. Now doing it as a girl was cute…a turn on. Sasuke froze. What did he just thought! Oh this was bad…

Naruto lost her good guy pose and looked concerned. "Sasuke, are you okay? You look a little red there…fever or something?"

"…It's nothing" Sasuke felt his face burn even hotter as he turned. "Later dobe" He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked away.

Naruto mouth curved into a smile. _'Yep nothings changed, the teme still calls me dobe, what a relief!'_ she thought. Unfortunately little did Naruto know; her world was going to change as dramatically as her gender had.

"Oh my this is quite a pickle…" a voice said suddenly. Naruto turned to see Kakashi staring down at her; his lazy eye filled with surprise.

"Kakashi-sensei! You recognize me?" Naruto said. They were now equals in terms of skill but the honorifics were hard to break.

"Naruto…" Kakashi trailed staring down at his ex-student. His face broke out into a lecherous grin under his mask. "…oh I'm so proud of you!"

"Idiot!" Naruto punched him on the shoulder. "Shut up you pervert! I didn't do this on purpose!"

"Well it's still a blessing in disguise" Kakashi teased. "It'll be easier to train with you now, heh-heh…" he smoothly ducked Naruto's high kick.

"You've been nothing but a lecher since you decided to continue Jiraiya's work!"

"Your dearly departed sensei had inspired me" Kakashi said. "Besides, my newest edition is selling much better than Jiraiya's previous work. It's not at all boring to you now, is it Naruto?"

Naruto blushed scarlet. "…um…"

Kakashi looked satisfied. "See?"

"Just get the hell away from me you pervy shinobi!" Naruto snapped in embarrassment.

"Hn, okaaay and what that makes you?" Kakashi asked coolly. "Since you like my writings…? Hmmm?"

Naruto stuttered. She didn't expect that. Kakashi patted Naruto empathetically on the shoulder. "Don't worry your name is already on the waiting list for book 3 in the _Itazurana Kiss_ _chronicles_"

"R-really? You're making a third one?" Naruto said excitedly. She gripped Kakashi's jacket. "Will Tackey and Tsubasa get back together?" She then stiffened in realization. "H-hey wait a minute! Don't get off the subject!"

Kakashi chuckled as he peeled off Naruto's fist. He had won the argument hands down. "See yah tomorrow morning for training. Till then, Ja ne!" In a puff of smoke he disappeared.

Naruto growled. "Pervert…"

"Whoa boss! Is that you?" asked a voice.

Naruto turned to see his underlings, Konohamaru and Udon. Naruto inwardly twitched. What was today? Greet the new Naruto Day? The Kyuubi container sighed. Might as well get used to it…she'll most likely be correcting people on her accidental gender change for months possibly to a year on end.

"Hey Konohamaru, Udon" Naruto greeted.

"We heard the rumors…" Konohamaru said. He eyed Naruto's form. "So it's for real?"

"Yeah and permanent" Naruto grumbled.

Udon pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his nose. "Bad luck, huh?" he said with an encouraging smile.

Naruto stiffed a laugh. "You can say that…"

Konohamaru then pointed to Naruto's chest. "So that means _these_ are real" he said in fascination. Without permission he began to rub Naruto's left breast in a hentai fashion.

"Yeah, let me feel too" Udon said as he squeezed Naruto's right.

Naruto's eyebrow twitched. She grabbed the Chuunins by their heads and slammed them both to the ground. "Stop groping me you little freaks!" she ordered through clenched teeth.

"Oww! Oh come on boss!" Konohamaru whined as he nursed the bump on his forehead. "We were only curious!"

"Yeah no need to get crazy like that macho chick, Sakura—"

"Who are you calling a macho chick?" asked a creepily calm voice. The boys and Naruto turned to see an ugly impersonation of inner Sakura standing in the doorframe of Tsunade's office. She cracked her knuckles sinisterly.

"Gyaaaahhhhh!" Konohamaru and Udon ran away in pure terror.

"And you…" Sakura turned to Naruto and smacked her across the head.

"Ow!" Naruto knelled down and rubbed her injury.

"Don't let boys touch you like that—where's your feminine pride!" Sakura bellowed.

Naruto looked up at Sakura sheepishly. "It's under development…"

Sakura sighed. This was turning into a long day. "Come on, idiot! The sooner you have a new wardrobe the sooner I can meet up with Sasuke-kun!" Sakura snapped. She then proceeded to drag Naruto mercilessly behind her.

"Aieee! Sakura-chan! Do you always have to be so violent! This is not lady-like!" Naruto complained.

"Oh shut up transsexual!"

* * *

Naruto endured endless torture when Sakura dragged her—**literally**—to the store called _Chichi-chan's lingerie_. There the Sakura had shoved Naruto into the dressing room and nearly cracked the poor girl's ribs by forcing bras of every kind on Naruto's large bosom. After trying sizes B through D, the cotton candy haired girl grudgingly went to the DD sizes.

Naruto sighed in relief as she tried on the extra large bra. She scowled at her _'friend'_.

"Why the hell didn't you try this size sooner! It's obvious my boobs are huge!" she yelled only to be met with a dark glance. Naruto chuckled nervously as she backed down. "Look, if I could give some of _this—_"she squeezed her chest. "—to you I would, but hey it's genetics!"

By the time they were done, Naruto had left the shop with about five bras, several packs of underwear, fist net stockings, a black slip and several blows to the head.

Next they went by a retail store for her shinobi wardrobe. The store in general specialized in clothing designed to withstand friction and repel the elements like fire, dirt and water. On display were thigh high black sandals with orange sown on the trim. They were one of a kind and were 70 percent off because most Shinobi wouldn't be caught dead in neon orange—to Naruto's pleasure.

Next Naruto picked out matching orange shorts and an off-black fishnet baby doll top with leggies included. She didn't bother replacing her jackets because she had three jackets that were accidently shrunken when she was too cheap to take them to the professional cleaners.

"So how do I look, Sakura?" Naruto asked as she marched out of the dressing room. Sakura was sitting patiently outside reading the Konoha weekly newspaper. Her jaw dropped comically when Naruto emerged. "Y-you look, great!" she said amazed. She stood up excitedly. "Turn around! Turn around!"

Naruto did so with heavy enthusiasm.

"Ohhhh!" Sakura wiped a tear. "To think you have a nick for fashion…I guess you're not a total lost Naruto-kun!"

"Hey—ack Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined as the medic-nin popped the tags off the clothing and dragged Naruto to the check out counter. Once outside the store, Sakura shoved all of Naruto's purchases into her arms.

Naruto was shocked. "What are you doing? Aren't you gonna help me—"

"I need to sail off, I glad we were able to get done before noon so I can meet up with Sassy-chan for lunch!" Sakura said.

Naruto dropped her bags as she erupted in uncontrollable laughter. "_Sassy_-chan!" she managed to wheeze out. "I bet the bastard likes that—"

"Actually I find it annoying affectionate" a voice corrected Naruto from behind.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said excitedly as she leaped into her boyfriend's arms.

"Hey, babe" he said in a monotone.

"Babe?" Naruto raised her eyebrows at the two. She pointed. "You guys are—"

"Going out—yeah!" Sakura finished happily. She snuggled closer to Sasuke's chest. "Sassy's been my boyfriend since the day you went all girl!"

Naruto smiled cheekily. "The lack of my presence created the perfect atmosphere for you two love birds to connect huh?" she said. "Well ain't I a matchmaker or what?" Even before her accidental sex change Naruto had given up on trying to win over Sakura's heart so Sakura's newfound relationship with Sasuke didn't bother her…well… not much anyhow.

Sasuke then observed Naruto. He had to admit Uzumaki was putting a lot of girls to shame with her looks. "Orange for this form too?" he asked.

"I will never give up my orangeness!" Naruto said proudly. "I love contrasting your blueness!"

Sasuke scoffed with a small smile that disappeared as quickly as it came. "Baka" he said.

"Teme!" Naruto replied. With a sigh she looked up into the clear blue sky. "Still, from boxers to bras unwillingly…someone up there must hate me a lot—"

"Somebody down here hates you too" a voice commented.

"Aw shut up, Sa—Kiba? Shino?" Naruto asked surprised. Kiba and Shino had just walked up and happened to catch the end of her statement.

Kiba chuckled in amusement. "I'm just kidding, Naruto" he said while nudging the girl's shoulder. "You know we're buds!"

"So..." Shino said coolly. "...The rumors are true" He eyed Naruto's newest form. "Most unfortunate for Hinata-chan…"

"News travel fast I see" Naruto said sheepishly. "Speaking of Hinata, where is she? Why is my situation bad for her?"

"She uh, she went home early!" Kiba said answered a bit awkwardly. He nudged Shino hard in the ribcage. "Nothing's wrong with Hinata, she was just shocked that she'll be sharing the ladies room with yah from now on! Heh-heh!"

"Well I guess it is a bit of a shocker…most women will probably think I'm in my sexy no jutsu form still…anyway, where were you guys the last couple of weeks?" Naruto asked. "On a mission or something?"

Shino nodded. "We just got back from the land of lighting. Apparently a warlord pissed off a gang of samurai vagabonds and needed shinobi intervention to settle the matter"

"So lucky!" Naruto complained. "You got to beat the crap out of thugs while I got the crap beaten outta me by Sakura—"

"You little ingrate!" the pink haired girl snapped. "And after all I suffered with you when I took you shopping today!"

"—but I guess it was worth it in the end" Naruto continued with a smile. "Even thought I'm 10,000 yen lighter! Like my new clothes?" she asked with suggestive pose.

"Yeah, you look good Naruto" Kiba commended without thinking. He blushed lightly when Sasuke, Shino and Sakura gave him a look.

"I know!" Naruto said as she began to strut. "I'm waaaay hotter than any other girl in Konoha! OW!"

"Don't brag idiot!" Sakura said as she smacked Naruto for the hundredth time that day. It even made her even angrier to admit that Naruto was right—she was one of the hottest girls she had ever seen and the men of Konoha where starting to notice Naruto in only a few days that took her 7 agonizing years! No fair!

"Ow! Stop hitting me before I get a concussion you violent manic!" Naruto snapped. "Anyway, aren't you supposed to go somewhere and have lunch with your Sassy-chan?"

Kiba snickered despite the death glare _Sassy _was giving him.

"Oi Kiba help me with my bags!" Naruto said tossing a few bags to the Dog Master, which he caught with amazing accuracy.

"I'm not your servant! Carry your own crap!"

Naruto puckered her lips. "Oh Kiba please!" she cooed. She batted her eyes cutely and eased up to Kiba's chest. "You're sooo strong!"

"Uh uh…" Kiba turned beat red. "I'm not falling for—"

Naruto squeezed his arm. "So _manly_ strong! And I'm so tried and weak…please help little ol' me…?" she pleaded shamelessly as she batted her eyelashes innocently.

With a sigh Kiba gave in. "Where do you live?"

Sakura, Sasuke and Shino sweat-dropped.

"This way!" Naruto pointed. "Thank you so much, Kiba-kun!"

"…Whatever" Kiba grumbled more in embarrassment than annoyance.

Behind Kiba's back, Naruto gave the onlookers 'V' for victory.

When the pair was out of sight Sakura snorted aloud, "Kiba rolled over like a kicked puppy on a leash!"

Shino just sighed and walked home.

* * *

**-TBC-**

.


	3. Cramps

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto gets turned into a girl and now the guys are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light. Poor, poor Naruto… A femmNaruto story.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

* * *

**Chapter 3: **Cramps

* * *

Naruto woke up a few days later with a stomachache. Moaning Naruto turned over. The pain only increased. Naruto curled herself up into a ball, wrapping her arms over her stomach. _'I guess I shouldn't have eaten that eighth noodle cup…' _she though groggily. She sat up slowly to get some Tums when she noticed how damp she was between her legs. She pulled back the bed sheet and to her horror found scarlet blood soaked into her bedding.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga was absent-mindedly walking toward the training grounds. Even though team Kurenai had long been dispersed, she and her teammates still meet up for morning practice when they weren't away on missions.

"HINATA!"

Hinata's heart quickened. "N-Naruto-kun?" she gasped. She could see Naruto approaching her.

She hadn't been able to meet the new Naruto. It was hard to believe. Her crush, the man she dreamed of marrying someday was no longer a man but a woman. She wouldn't have believed it herself if she haven't caught a glimpse of Naruto chasing an unwise shinobi (who tried to grope her) over the rooftops, swearing and throwing kunais with frightening accurate aim at his family's jewels.

It was too soon to see him (er, her) again!

"Oh Kami, please help me Hinata I'm dying!" Naruto slouched to the ground and gripped on the ends Hinata's jacket.

Hinata was alarmed. First she looked for superficial injury and found none. She then activated her byakugan for internal bleeding. Again, nothing was wrong. "I can't f-find anything w-wrong with you Naruto-kun—"

"There is!" Naruto protested. "I'm bleeding in-between my legs! Oh Kami, oh Kami!"

Hinata turned beat red…now she knew the problem. "N-Naruto-k-kun…y-you're not d-dying…"

"No!" Naruto grabbed hold of Hinata's collar and shook the girl. "Then why am I bleeding! Huh, huh!" she cried frantic.

"Y-you're having your f-f-first period, N-Naruto! Stop! Y-you're hurting me!"

Naruto loosened her grip as she peered into Hinata's face questioningly. "Period…? What period?"

Hinata whimpered. She felt a fainting spell coming on. "You know…your um l-l-little g-garden…" she tried to explain timidly.

Naruto looked at Hinata like the Hyuuga heiress had flipped. "What does a garden have to deal with me bleeding like someone stabbed me in the butt!"

Its obvious Naruto never had the 'talk'. Hinata had hers at age seven since her body developed so quickly at a young age. She remembered the 2 main rules her father stressed.

1: Never let any man touch you sexually unless he is your husband to preserve the dignity of not only yourself but the Clan's

2: No bastards will be allowed in my house so make sure to follow rule number 1 or I will disown you.

Pushing aside the 'rules' Hinata asked "Naruto-kun, you k-know that girls h-have babies right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well since you're a girl now, you can have b-babies…women have eggs and men…_ahem_ s-sperm…the reason why you bleed is because your egg for this m-month has expired…"

"…Oh" Naruto mumbled airily before she passed out cold.

"NARUTO-KUN!"

* * *

Neji and Tenten were exhausted. Not because they had completed their hundredth lap around Konoha or because they had done two thousand one-hand push ups. No, that seemed nothing in comparison to watching the battle between Konoha's infamous green beasts. A one in a lifetime event: Might Gai vs. Rock Lee. The landscape in training ground 13 was hardly recognizable anymore.

Neji deactivated his byakugan and pulled a few twigs out of his long mane before helping up his teammate Tenten. The two had spent the last hour just trying to avoid being hit by a primary lotus jutsu and they were on the _**sidelines**_!

"Lee, I am so proud of you" Gai said to his student. Master and student were standing in the middle of the torn terrain. Both looked worse for wear but Gai looked like he hardly could stand.

Lee wiped the tears from his eyes. "Oh Gai-sensei!—"

"Lee, no!" Gai placed his hands on Lee's shoulders. "I am no longer your sensei. This battle has proven that…you have surpassed me!"

"Gai-se…Gai…"

"Lee…"

"I-I…" Lee cried falling into his former teacher's embrace. Gai hugged him tightly with tears streaming down his face. "Oh Lee, it's alright! Don't be sad from this healthy youthful change!"

Meanwhile Tenten and Neji stood off to the side looking like they wanted to puke.

"Eww!" Tenten yelped. She closed her eyes and shook her head violently. "Well that's one thing I'll never miss!" she then sighed. "Neji, how did we survive all these years?" she asked the only sane member of Team Gai besides herself.

"Tolerance…" Neji answered through clenched teeth. "Lots and _lots _of **tolerance**…"

"Tolerance my hind! I need sake to cope" Tenten announced turning away. "Coming, Neji? They won't miss us"

Neji looked back at the scene. A golden sunset could now be seen glowing behind Lee and Gai. "I'm right behind you, Tenten"

* * *

Naruto was in a bad mood after awaking up. First she gets turned into a girl and a few days later she gets her first period? Life was_ sooo_ wrong. Hinata had left her sitting at a tea stand while she went to the convenient store for Motrin and sanitary napkins.

Naruto was content to just sit there and mind her own business until she felt a pair of eyes on her. She ignored it at first but the staring wouldn't go away. She looked up to see that those scrutinizing eyes belonged to Neji.

Tenten was currently inside a local restaurant with her boyfriend, Tonbo (whom she and Neji ran into on the way there) so Neji just decided to give them some space and left only to run across Naruto Uzumaki, or so he thought—

"What the hell are you looking at white eyes?" Naruto demanded, glaring. "Beat it Neji before I beat you!"

Neji's jaw slacked. "…Who are you?" he cleared his throat. "You reminded me of someone, my mistake—"

"I guess I would, idiot" Naruto spat. "Because I am Naruto Uzumaki!"

"…Is this a prank?" Neji asked crossing his arms. He remembered Naruto's infamous sexy-no-jutsu.

Naruto cracked her knuckles. "Let's find out together, Neji! Come at me and you'll get the answer!"

Hinata was on her way back with the items when she saw the scene unfold in front of her. "N-no!" she shouted flinging herself between them trying to keep her cousin and her ex-crush from going at it.

She smiled nervously at Neji. "Oh um n-never mind N-Naruto-kun, she's going through h-her first sp-special time of the month" Hinata explained.

In a rare Kodak moment, Neji Hyuuga was left utterly speechless. So the rumors _were_ true! He overheard several conversations stating that Naruto had an accidental sex change but dismissed them immediately because they sounded utterly ridiculous. However the proof was right before him and he didn't need the byakugan to see it!

Thirty minutes after Naruto took the pain killers, she was back to her jolly hyperactive self. In gratitude she decided to treat out Hinata to a dango shop for her help. Neji was invited to join them but he had to pay for his own food. Not that he complained. He chewed slowly as he listened carefully to Naruto's tale. It sounded well rehearsed like she had explained it a hundred times already—probably because she has.

Neji kept stealing glances at Naruto whenever he thought she was preoccupied with Hinata. He admitted that Naruto's feminine form was gorgeous although mentally she remained the same. Dense as ever. Accidently Neji arm brushed up against Naruto's and he felt a jolt.

"Ow!" Naruto whimpered. "Stupid static electricity" She rubbed her elbow. She then grinned mischievously at Neji. "Or maybe you're such a turn on Neji!" she joked.

Neji scoffed, turning away so his blush couldn't be seen. Hinata had a small smile on her face but her eyes held a different emotion though…a bittersweet look. She offered Neji an encouraging smile before she excusing herself.

"Oi! Why are you leaving?" Naruto asked a bit disappointed. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

Still moving toward the door, Hinata pressed her fingers together hesitantly and answered, "Everything's fine. I just have t-to go—Eep!"

"Ooo, careful there Hinata" Tenten said as Hinata bumped into her on the way out. Hinata had an expression on her face that reminded Tenten of sweet and sour sauce. Happy but sad…stealing a glance at Naruto she automatically knew why. Like everyone else in Konoha, she knew of Hinata's long term crush on the blonde and she couldn't even begin to imagine what she was going through inside.

Hinata muttered an apology before running off. Tenten watch her go with a hint of pity in her eyes before turning her attention to her comrade. "Yo Neji!" Tenten lifted the flap and entered the restaurant. "Why did you take off just like that?"

"I decided to give you and your boyfriend some privacy" He responded.

"It's okay, you could've stayed, it wasn't like me and Tonbo were doing anything mushy"

Neji gave her a flat look that said blankly, _I _still _remember last time_

Tenten chuckled nervously. "H-hey Naruto!" she greeted the blonde in hopes of changing subject. "How's womanhood treating you?"

"Bad" The blonde responded. A cute pout formed on her lips. "It sucks! I'm having my first period today and it hurts like hell. I have to stay high on pain killers or I'll be bitchy to everyone"

"You poor thing" Tenten said with full empathy. "You can try heating pads to help in between the pills. It'll get better after a few days, promise!"

Neji decided girl talk wasn't his thing. "Ma'am!" he called to the waitress. "Bring the check for all three"

The woman nodded before walking back into the kitchen.

Tenten was floored. "You're paying for yours, Hinata's and Naruto's meal?" she asked Neji incredulously.

"Yes…?" Neji raised his eyebrow. Silently asking what was the big deal.

"Well don't take this the wrong way Neji but you're a cheapskate" Tenten told him flatly. _'Besides you never paid for any of my meals!'_

Neji glared at her. "Blunt as ever Tenten"

Naruto's face lit up like a lamp. "Really Neji?"

Neji nodded.

"Thanks!" she squealed happily. "I owe you one, see you around, Neji. Bye Tenten!" she said before leaving. Tenten then looked back at Neji. Her comrade was still staring at Naruto's retrieving back. Tenten inwardly sniggered. Neji was such an open book once you got to know him.

Neji turned to her when he noticed the stare. "What?"

Tenten's face broke out into an impish grin. "Oh nothing…I just see what's going on" She singed.

Neji crossed his arms and closed his silver eyes. "Really?" he said coolly.

"Yeeeeaaaah, you're digging Naruto-_chan_!"

Neji nearly fell sideways. "No I just—no!" he scoffed as his fair cheeks flared with heat. He cleared his throat as he composed himself. "Don't be absurd, Tenten" he responded through clenched teeth.

"Really!" the bun haired girl pressed on. This was so much fun! This was only third time in six years was she able to toy with Neji and she's not letting this rare opportunity slip by just yet. "I thought you liked Hinata at first but now I see you're starting to like Naruto!"

The poor Hyuuga wanted to die right on the spot. "Hinata-sama is my cousin. I do not have romantic feelings toward her—"

"Suuure and Naruto?"

"I don't like her like that!"

"Riiiiight" Tenten said with a knowing smirk. "Not yet…but there's something there isn't, Neji-kun? At least admit that"

Neji felt the veins on the side of his head pop. "There's nothing to admit. Y-you're crazy!" he snapped. Neji was grateful when the waitress came back with the check. He paid and left the shop, hoping Tenten wouldn't pursue him any further. Unfortunately and rather expectedly, Tenten followed him. _'You're not getting away that easily!'_ the bun-haired girl thought.

"Come on Neji, ask Naruto out on a date!"

"No"

"Do it!"

"I'm not going to date Naruto—"

"Till next week, tee-hee!"

"Tenten, stay out of it!"

Tenten skidded in front of Neji, cutting him off. Looking straight in his eyes she said. "Come on Neji, you and Naruto has been through a lot of shit in your lives. I think You guys can find some happiness together just like me and Tonbo did"

The Hyuuga fell silent as he took in her words. They were hogwash but hey he could dream. Tenten saw the wheels spinning in Neji's head, bravely she asked, "So what do you think?"

"Nothing" The Hyuuga prodigy said hauntingly. He shifted pass her and walked on. This time Tenten didn't follow. "Just think about it you pompous stick in the mud!" she called after him. "Okay?"

Neji stopped for a brief second. _'No, I won't allow myself to believe hogwash that will never be'_. Deciding against answering the brunette he continued on his way.

"Humph!" Tenten said offended but then she giggled. She had the strangest feeling things were about to get interesting in Konoha and it all had to do with a whiskered cheek, blue eyed, blond haired transsexual. Tenten then went off to find Hinata. Hopefully the poor girl was done crying her heart out about now.

* * *

—**TBC—**

.


	4. What’s your problem, Sasuke?

**CM:** Hi, maybe this chapter will clear up a few things regarding the Sasuke/Sakura relationship.

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto get's turned into a girl and now the men are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light…poor, poor Naruto. A FemmNaruto fic.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

* * *

**Chapter 4: **What's your problem, Sasuke?

* * *

The room was lilted with candles. Naruto bind down and pressed her fat breasts against Sasuke's bear chest. "Oooohhhh Sassy-chan you're so hard!" she teased giddily. With a smirk Sasuke caressed Naruto's whiskered cheek. "You seen nothing yet, Naru-chan" he said seductively.

Sasuke gasped as he woke up. He wiped the sweat off his brow. His heart was pounding. Suddenly he felt wetness between his legs. "No I didn't!" he gasped as he lifted the covers. Sure enough, he did. Sasuke's cheeks burned crimson. His pajama bottoms and his sheets were now wet.

With a sigh he got up to change. He first went to the bathroom to take a shower and then changed into clean PJs. _'I can't believe I did that!' _he chided to himself as he began to switch out the bedding. Sasuke wouldn't have been half freaked out if the dreams were of Sakura but it was Naruto. _Naruto_!

The blonde idiot who recently went all girl—He was having wet dreams over him! **_Him_**! Er, well _her _now. His best friend, his rival… oh Kami! Sasuke collapsed on top on the sheets when he finished remaking the bed. He tried to drift back to sleep but as soon as his eyes fluttered closed, a vision of Naruto in a tight naughty nurse uniform was there to greet him.

"Ohhhhh Saaaasuke-koi, it's time for your shoooooot" she cooed, winking suggestively.

Sasuke's eyes shot open. Oh, this was going to be a looooong night.

* * *

—**PAGE BREAK—**

* * *

"Naruto is late again, that dolt!" Sakura complained. "Even you're here on time for once!" she pointed to the silver haired Jounin who was couched down with his little orange book. His ninja dog Pak-kun was sitting in his lap. "Sasuke is late too you know" he replied nonchalantly. He turned the page.

"Well I'm…I'm sure he had a really good reason!" Sakura defended.

"Hi, sorry I'm late guys!" Naruto yelled running toward the training grounds. Her breast was flopping around like water balloons. "I had problems with my bra and—"

"Naruto!" Sakura chided. "You're an embarrassment to women everywhere!" she pointed at the blonde's chest with disgust while Kakashi was too engrossed into his book to spare a glance . Though Sakura would never admit it, her disgust was more of envy than anything. Naruto's chest wasn't as large as Tsunade's but they were still in the double Ds bra sizes.

Naruto placed her arm across her chest. "I still have a problem; can you help me out, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and pulled Naruto to the woman's bathroom.

As soon as Naruto and Sakura left, Sasuke arrived. By that time Kakashi had finally reached the end of chapter 13. He looked up from his book with a raised sliver eyebrow. "What happened to you? You look like something that one my shinobi dogs dragged in…"

"Hey!" Pak-kun said offended. "I'll let you know I bring better looking things than _that_!"

Sasuke sent the pair a tired glare. He rubbed the dark circles under his black eyes. "I was up late last night, that's all"

"Doing what?"

Uchiha merely glared in reply.

The dog Pak-kun sniffed the air before climbing into Kakashi's lap and whispered something in his ear. Kakashi thought for a moment before grinning fondly. "Aw, so my grown up pupil is having wet dreams, no?"

Sasuke's pale cheeks flushed with color. If he could've died from embarrassment, he would have. Kakashi's hentai grin went wider.

"It's in your scent" Pak-kun explained with doggish smirk. "Don't worry it'll wear off in another hour or so…"

Sasuke stared down at the shinobi dog with his famous Uchiha death glare. Pak-kun gulped. "I-I just remembered Kakashi, I have a bone to bury, bye!" he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Hello Sassy-chan!" Sakura greeted happily. Sasuke winced. That nickname was getting old, _fast_. He turned to see Naruto and Sakura coming toward him. Sakura threw herself into the stoical teen's arms and kissed him on the cheek.

"Good morning, Sakura" Sasuke replied indifferently. His eyes drifted to Naruto. He nodded his head to his blonde comrade. "Naruto…" he addressed.

With a wide mischievous grin Naruto greeted, "Kami, Sasuke-teme you look like a raccoon, tee-hee!" she laughed.

"And you look like a ditzy cheerleader" Sasuke replied automatically.

"Hey!"

"It's true"

"Cut it out" Kakashi said. He stood up. "We're all Jounin here, act like it please" he urged.

"Speak for yourself!" Naruto shouted unblushingly. "Get rid of those perverted books and then you can lecture me you pervy shinobi!"

Kakashi coughed into his hand. "Well since everyone is here now, we will begin. Today's training is all out sparing. I'll battle Sakura and Sasuke will battle Naruto-_chan_" he added with a grin in his tone.

Naruto growled like a rabid wolf. "Why you—"

"Come on dobe, let's go" Sasuke said. He wrenched himself free from Sakura's iron grip and walk on ahead. "We'll train near the end of the field. Kakashi, you train here with Sakura" he said to his former teacher.

"Alright" The sliver haired Jounin agreed. He puts away his book, knowing he had to give this battle his full attention "Ready Sakura?" he asked.

Sakura positioned herself. "Cha!" With a cocky grin she shouted, "Bring it on!"

* * *

—**PAGE BREAK—**

* * *

Sasuke learned the hard way that gender shouldn't be taken for granted. Naruto may be a girl now but the two rivals were duking it out just as fierce as they would as males. Actually Sasuke felt like he had to work harder. Sure Naruto's limbs were shorter but it didn't help him none. Naruto's punches still hurt like a bitch, charka levels just as colossal. However her speed and agility had increased making it harder to land hits. If he didn't have the sharingan, the Uchiha doubted he could keep up.

"Chidori!"

"Rasengan!"

They collided together.

The dust cleared slowly. Sasuke felt like he couldn't breathe…he coughed. He noticed the weighted on his chest. He was lying flat out on his back with a weight on his abdomen. Sasuke's pale cheeks turned the shade of a tomato when he realized that Naruto was lying on top of him. What an embarrassing predicament.

"N-Naruto!" Sasuke said but it came out as a strangled whisper.

Naruto moaned and shifted.

"NARUTO!" Sasuke hissed louder.

Naruto sat up slowly with Sasuke between her legs she sat on the teen. She looked down at the Uchiha with a confused look. She blinked. "Wha-what? Oh that attack!" she recalled. "Are you okay, teme?" she asked the boy beneath her.

Sasuke felt himself hardening again. Oh Kami this was the last thing he needed. He was already having fantasies and now _this_ happened? "Naruto. Get. Off. Me!" Sasuke he stressed with a hint of desperation in his usual stoic voice.

"Huh?" Naruto questioned.

Why did the dobe have to be so innocent like? It was even more of an allure! Sasuke cleared his throat and shifted his legs. It made it worst. Naruto's eyes widen in realization. "Ohhh!" she yelped as she scurried off Sasuke accidently pressing her knee against his precious jewels. Sasuke's back arched involuntarily as he jerked off.

'_Argh! Curse that idiot!' _

"Huh…uh Teme?" Naruto questioned, wondering why the Uchiha was still sprawled out on the ground twitching slightly. Sasuke merely groaned in reply. He was just thankful his boxers were thick.

"Little accidents, eh?" whispered a voice softly. "You two have just inspired a new scene in my Itazurana Kiss book!"

Sasuke and Naruto looked up to see their former sensei gazing down at them with an amused grin. The pervert… The two younger Jounins were startled. How long had copycat Kakashi been standing there?

"It was just a mishap, that's all!" Naruto said scared. She made an X with her arms. "Like I ever fall for an arrogant, stuck up, selfish, pricky, teme like Sasuke! I mean ewwww!" Naruto then gagged, tongue hanging out of her mouth.

Sasuke's eye twitched. "Like you're a basket of roses yourself, baka!" he growled. Slowly he sat up, resuming his trademark aloofness. "Where is Sakura?" he asked Kakashi.

"She's still battling against my shadow clone" Kakashi answered with a hint of disappointment in his voice. "Tch, figures. When a female nin falls in love, their goes their career as a shinobi! Sad but true. It happened to Kurenai, Ino, Tenten and now it's happening to little Sakura…" he shook his head. _'And eventually Naruto'_

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged awkward looks.

Naruto scratched the back of her head nervously. "Look um, Granny Tsunade wanted to talk with me about something so I-I'll be on my way, see you later guys" Naruto said excusing herself. Sasuke watched dumbfounded as Naruto left the training grounds. The ex-avenger felt rather disconcerted that Naruto didn't look back.

Kakashi's eyes held a thoughtful look in them. "Ah so those dreams weren't about Sakura…" he mentioned absent-mindedly. Sasuke stiffened. He should have known how observant His former teacher could be… Sometimes he really hated Kakashi. He stood up on his feet in a huff and shot his silver haired elder a glare.

The silver haired Jounin shook his head. "I won't get in your business but I'll say one thing: Sakura and Naruto are my comrades—In fact I consider them as my godchildren, don't do something stupid to hurt them again or you're not getting off easily as last time" Kakashi warned darkly then his face lit up. "Well I must be off, my clone just popped and I don't need Sakura thinking I'm skipping out on her!" in a puff of smoke he was gone.

Sasuke stood there long after Kakashi left, frozen to the spot. His inner desires scaring him senselessly.

* * *

—**PAGE BREAK—**

* * *

"It was an accident so why do I feel so weird?" Naruto mumbled to herself as she aimlessly walked down the street. She had no intention of going to see the hag; it was only an excuse to get away from the awkward situation. They no doubt knew it was a lie too.

Suddenly the hairs on Naruto's neck suddenly stood up. She was being followed. She turned her head around to spot a figure peeping at her from behind a lamppost.

Naruto blinked. "Hinata?" she asked.

With a sigh, the Hyuuga heiress stepped out. "H-Hello Naruto-kun…" she greeted uneasily. Embarrassed to be caught doing something so silly. She was not a little girl anymore but a clan heiress. She still doubted she could ever play the part right.

"Hiya!" Naruto greeted loudly, happy for a distraction. Hinata flinched. "Would you like to catch brunch with me, Hinata? Just the two of us—My treat!"

Hinata was surprised. Naruto was asking her out again…as a girl. Her heart fell into the pit of her stomach. "O-Okay…" she agreed disheartened. Naruto smiled brightly not noticing. "Wow Hinata! You're turning into my new best friend!" the blonde exclaimed. She grabbed her in a hug. "Is Ichiraku's okay?"

Hinata nodded with a small smile as she followed Naruto to the ramen stand. The blonde chatted happily away about unimportant stuff but it barely touched the surface of her mind. _'If only you were a man Naruto-kun…_' Hinata thought sadly but then she shrugged it off. Friendship was better than nothing.

* * *

**-TBC-**

* * *

**CM:** Thank you those who placed me on story alert, favorite author, favorite story, author alert and etc (if I'm leaving something out) it's really appreciated.


	5. You too fuzzy brows? Ewww!

**CM:** Wow, over a thousand people read this story Monday and only heard from 11 people. *Shrugs* I'm honored anyway. At least someone appreciates it. And hi, Lady Ayumi. It's been a while.

* * *

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto get's turned into a girl and now the men are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light…poor, poor Naruto. A FemmNaruto fic.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

* * *

**Chapter 5: **You too fuzzy brows? Ewww!

* * *

"Oh Sakura-chan why?" Lee cried aloud as he broke down into tears again.

Tenten sighed as she passed the tissue box to Lee. Poor Lee had just discovered the relationship between his crush Sakura and his one-sided rival, Sasuke Uchiha, when the dozen roses he had sent that morning to his dear Sakura-chan was returned to his doorstep along with a note of explanation. He blew his nose. "Oh Sakura my beautiful blossom of youth! My Joy of the spring morning, ohh! How could you!"

Lee groped Tenten and sobbed into her shoulder, smearing her with his boogers. Tenten winced. "Eww! Kami Lee!" she said irritably. She grabbed him by the throat and shook him violently. "Get a life! There are plenty fish in the sea—"

"BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE SAAAAKKKKUUUUURRRAAA!"

"Oh please Lee! She has a violent temper, a wide forehead and a shapeless body for Pete's sake! What's there to be attracted to?" Tenten was never one to judge people so harshly but today she was to the point. Her favorite shirt was boogerized now because of the girl.

"Don't say such cruel and un-youthful things about Sakura-chan!"

Tenten gave him a leveled look "Well you didn't say _untrue_…" she pointed out.

"Despite her faults she is like a stream ever-flowing from the eternal fountain of youth! Who will quench my thirst now?"

Tenten growled. "Neji! Do something!" she snapped at her brunette comrade who was sitting off to the side drinking his green tea calmly without a care despite the commotion Lee was causing. Neji looked up. "Lee, Tenten is right. Get over it. There are other girls" he took a long sip of tea.

Tenten sent the Hyuuga a murderous look.

Lee jabbed a demanding finger in Neji's face "Like who? Name one whose beauty is fairer than the cherry trees in the spring, or whose kindness and wisdom is deeper than the deepest sea!" he demanded.

"Kami, stop with the metamorphic poetry already!" Tenten snapped. One more word of 'youth' or 'spring' and she promised to beat Lee into unconsciousness.

Neji lowered his tea cup. His face hard and unreadable…after a minute of silence he spoke two words, "Uzumaki Naruto…" he said absent-mindedly.

"W-what?" Lee mumbled. Surely he heard Neji wrong.

"I said Uzumaki Naruto. He is a she now" Neji repeated a bit slower. "Though I myself am not infatuated with her—"

Tenten coughed into her hand to hide a laugh.

"—Naruto is kind, determined, wise—in her own way of course—and if I may be so bold to say, breathtakingly beautiful. Eyes of sapphire, golden hair, ruby lips of the sunset and has a smile that will make Gai-sensei proud to see. Yes all in all, a fish worthy to be caught and placed on a pedestal"

Lee sat back stunned.

Tenten whistled and sent Neji a sly look. "Are you _sure_ you don't like Naruto-kun?"

Neji scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous"

"Oh yeah, I forgot Hinata-chan's eyes are like silver glass swathed with long eyelashes and has fair skin so beautifully pale that it would put the moon goddess to shame. Full pink lips soft as rose petals—"

"Enough" Neji interrupted. "Now if you all would excuse me, I need to go grocery shopping. Thank you for your hospitality Tenten. And Lee, I hope you find some sanity—"

"We'll come with you!" Tenten announced. "I need to pick up a few spices! Lee's coming too. He's so fast that he can grab the first place in the check out line!" she grabbed the taijutsu master by the collar and dragged him—_literally_—out her apartment.

Neji sent them a wearied look. His afternoon has just gotten unexpectedly longer.

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—**PAGE BREAK—**

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"Aha, a carton of 2% milk, eggs, low sodium ramen, msg-free soy sauce, salad mix, grapes, plums, strawberry pocky, salt-free seasoning and chop sui" Naruto muttered to herself as she checked off her grocery list.

It was strange to shop in her female form. Funny things started happening to her. Now she actually counted calorie intake, preferred low fat items and stayed away from sugary desserts. Naruto figured it was instinct to crave those things in order to keep her feline shape—just then she saw a rotund woman waddle pass her. Maybe not…

Naruto picked up a packet of sugar-free snack bars with a shrug and journeyed to the checkout lines. All the lines were long except for one that just opened up on the end. Using her Shinobi speed Naruto rushed to get their first only to collide with a green blur.

"Oof!" Naruto yelped as she got acquainted with the tile floor.

"Oh, I'm so sorry ma'am!" Naruto almost got whiplash from being pulled up so quickly. "I was not watching where I was going and I sincerely apologize for—uh! N-Naruto-kun!"

Naruto blinked as she focused her eyes. "…Lee?" she questioned.

"Naruto-kun!" Lee said. His bug eyes nearly popping out of his skull. His face turned a shade of read. "Uh uh l-let me help you pick up your items!" he said brightly.

"Okay thanks…so how's it going Fuzzy brows? Fuzzier brows-sensei doing okay?"

"Yes, he's doing well…" Lee watched Naruto out of the corner of his eye. Long blond hair streaked down into her face…hair like the sparking sun. Blue eyes like the sea. Neji was not lying, Naruto was indeed beautiful.

When Lee accidently touched Naruto's hand, he blushed like he just had a serving of the 'curry of life'.

"Lee, are you okay?" Naruto asked concerned. "You look like you're having an allergic reaction or something"

Lee grabbed Naruto's hands, shocking the blonde. "Naruto-chan, is this permanent?"

"Don't call me that. What is permanent?"

"This gender change"

"Yeah…the cursed springs are dried up. Granny Tsunade sent a team search for it but it lead to dead ends" Naruto said dejectedly. She blinked curiously. "Why?"

Lee smiled wider, tightening his hold on Naruto's hands.

Naruto began to get nervous. "Lee…" she shook her hands trying loosen Lee's iron grip. Then Naruto noticed the heart shaped eyes. "Lee, _what_ are you thinking?" Naruto asked, almost scared of his answer. She began to shake her hands like crazy to get him to let go.

"Naruto-chan I—"

"I said don't call me that!"

"Naruto-kun. I know it's soon but do you think—YOW!"

Neji had 'accidently' bumped Lee hard on the back of his head with his knee. "Sorry about that Lee, I didn't see you. Naruto, are you alright?" He extended a hand to her. Blinkingly Naruto took it.

"I'm fine thanks—"

"Lee, why are you laying down on the job?" Tenten came around the corner pushing a full cart of groceries. "You were supposed to snag that line—oh hey Naruto-kun! Small world, eh?" she asked with a smile.

Naruto nodded. "Yeah you can say that…uh Neji?"

"Yes?"

"Uh…" Naruto looked uncomfortable. "You can let go of my hand now"

"I-I…?" Neji stuttered dumbly. Suddenly reality settled back in. Immediately he dropped Naruto's hand as if it was on fire.

"Ooookay" Naruto said slowly easing herself back in line. Luckily her mind was distracted by Tenten who began chatting with her about recent missions. Lee and Neji were both sulking at the end of the line.

Lee peered over suspiciously at Neji several times, wanting to engage in conversation but never did. Neji never missed any attempt but ignored Lee for now. He was currently in emotional turmoil. What were these feelings? First, jealous just because Lee was helping Naruto and the overwhelming urge to hold onto Naruto's hand… Such aggressiveness he never felt toward Lee till now… He knew what it was but didn't want to admit it.

"Neji-kun" Lee finally addressed.

Neji sighed, closing his eyes. "What?" he snapped.

"Do you have feelings for Naruto-kun?"

Neji snorted. "Not in this life"

Lee looked pumped suddenly. His eyes burning like fire. "YOSH! Wonderful!" he groped Neji into a hug. Neji in return, dropkicked Lee. "I've told not to hug me like that!" Neji hissed.

"Forgive me dearest friendly rival" Lee said picking himself up from the ground. "I was cover come with joy!"

"…?"

"I would never pursue a woman my friend was interested in!"

"…"

"But Now that I know you don't care for Naruto in those ways—I am free to court her!" Lee flashed the good-guy pose at Neji.

"...Of course" Neji replied slowly. He suddenly felt so small.

Thank goodness the cashier was fast and was able to check both Neji and Lee out quickly. Naruto was still taking with Tenten when the men came out. Suddenly Lee had an idea. Puffing out his chest out. "Naruto-kun please allow me to carry home your stuff!" he begged. "A lady such as yourself should not be burden down with heavy bags!"

Naruto eased back a little. Trying to wave him off with a laugh she said, "Heh-heh, I'll be fine Lee! I'm not your average girly-girl!" Naruto saluted the Taijutsu specialist. She winked. "Later fuzzy brows!"

Lee placed a hand over his heart. "Oh Naruto-chan…" he whispered as he watched her walk away. "You have reignited the youthful passion of love within my heart!"

Naruto stopped and looked back blinking. "Said something, Lee?"

Flustered Lee shook his head furiously. "N-N-Noo! Nothing! It was the um—the wind Naruto-kun!" He gave her the big thumbs up.

Naruto shrugged. "…Okay" she said and went along her way.

"Oh Lee-kun" Tenten called with a sweet smile fitted for the cat who swallowed a dozen canneries. "Well since women shouldn't be burden down with heavy bags—here!" she shoved her bags into Lee's arms.

Neji just shook his head. He had a lot of things to mediate on tonight.

* * *

**-TBC-**


	6. The Kazekage meets the new Naruto

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto get's turned into a girl and now the men are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light…poor, poor Naruto. A FemmNaruto fic.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

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**Notice as of 2-22-12...**

The word _yule_ instead of _you'll _will be used once in this chapter. I just wanted to make it clear that I did that substitution on purpose at the time.

I was writing an original story at the time and the name of it was Mibhar. Mibhar is Hebrew for chosen. Hence my name, ChosenMibhar. A favorite character I had in the story was named Yudelle Clovis. I loved her name so much that I substituted _you_ as _yule_ in honor of her name. Thinking it was also cute.

But unfortunately (And silly me) you can't read my mind. The reader only knows what's written and judge the author based on that. Regardless, I refuse to change it because it's a part of me from a critical time period of my life. It's ironic though… the only two people who ever complained about the misword; conveniently has their personal messages turned off. Go figure…

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**Chapter 6: **The Kazekage meets the new Naruto

* * *

Sasuke didn't know why but he felt strangely empty without his daily dose of stupidity from Naruto. The blonde had been avoiding him since their awkward training session. He had been glad for it but at the same time he felt neglected… Suddenly walking out a shop was a girl in bright orange shorts and a jacket to match. Sasuke could recognize that fashion sense from anywhere. A package fell out of her grocery bags.

Sasuke scooped it up. "Dobe" Sasuke called to her. She didn't hear him. "Naruto!"

The blond turned around with a surprised look. "…Sasuke, hi teme" she said but her voice lacked its usual fire.

"You dropped this" Sasuke tossed her the box. It was sanitary pads.

Naruto chuckled in embarrassment. "Er, t-thanks" she tucked it away quickly.

The two stood in an uneasy silence. Naruto finding the ground fascinating to look at as she felt Sasuke's eyes burning a hole threw her. People walked around them disinterested.

"So…" Sasuke said a weak attempt to break the silence. "…I haven't seen you around lately. You okay?"

"Yeah…oh um how's Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked. Hesitantly she looked up at Sasuke but still avoided eye contact. "I haven't seen her lately either"

Sasuke felt a little put out. _'She didn't even ask about me…'_ Shifting his weight on his left leg he answered, "She's fine. She's on a mission. She won't be back for a week or so"

"Okay—ah! Is that Gaara-kun?" Naruto asked surprised. She was looking over Sasuke's shoulder when she spotted a young man with short bright red hair and dark circles around his eyes. Following him was a man dressed in black with large scrolls tied onto his back.

"Hey it is! It's Gaara and Kankuro!" Naruto said excitedly. She shoved her bags into Sasuke's arms and left him, running toward the Suna brothers. "HEY GAAAAAAAARRRRAAAAA!" she yelled.

Gaara looked over with his pale jade eyes going wide in shock. A blond girl in pigtails was running in his direction through the crowd. Why was a girl besides Temari or Matsuri calling him so causally? And a pretty girl at that…

Kankuro chuckled. "Is she your girl?" he teased his younger brother.

"I never seen her before in my life"

Once Naruto realized she had Gaara's attention she smiled widely and waved like a manic. Kankuro smirked. "Well she seems to _know _you—go for it, she's hot"

"I have no time for petty relationships" Gaara replied. He turned to walk away only to find himself stopped by two graceful arms wrapped around his waist in a hug.

His surprise increased; 1, his sand didn't block interaction with the strange girl. 2, he was being hugged by a complete stranger. 3, he actually _enjoyed_ being touched and 4, he didn't understand the vibes his body was giving out and what he didn't understand: he didn't like.

With a scowl he said coldly. "Release me"

The girl did as she was told but seemed to ignorant of his cold vibes. "So how's it shaking Kazekage? What are you doing back in Konoha!" the girl asked loudly with a genuine smile that threatened to slice off her face. Gaara winced. Gee was his ear beginning to bleed? What a voice: beautiful but loud.

Kankuro massaged his ears. "We're not deaf yah know"

Hm, come to think of it—the girl reminded Gaara of someone special…he then looked at her, no _really_ looked at her. If Gaara could have a stroke at 19, he would have. The girl looked JUST like Naruto. The same whisker marked cheeks, the same luscious blonde hair and the same sparkling baby blue eyes…The only difference was a beautiful curvy body of the female anatomy. He didn't know Uzumaki had a sibling, joy to the world.

"Tell me" Gaara said. "Who are you?"

"Uh…" suddenly the girl looked confused. Her eyes slightly widen in realization. She then smacked herself on the forehead. "Ohhhhh man, sorry!" she said. "I forgot! Hey Gaara I know it's weird but here me out, I'm Naruto!"

Gaara and Kankuro blinked several times.

"Ooooookay…." Kankuro said slowly. "…Come again?"

"You heard me, cat eared hoodie!" Naruto tilted her head high in confidence. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki!" she then went on to explain her situation.

Kankuro was the first to speak up after Naruto was through. "Okay, let me get this straight: you are now stuck as a girl forever because you where dumb enough to drink water from the cursed Nanniichuan springs?" he shook his head. "Gee, you're getting slower and slower…If you still plan on being Hokage I worry for Konoha's future"

"It was an honest mistake you could've even made you insensitive prick!" Naruto bit back.

Kankuro snorted. "I doubt that but I do fell bad for you. It must really suck…being a girl I mean, of all things!"

Naruto sighed. "I know… but being a girl is not so bad. It's just the periods that are bad. The bloating, the cramping and the sticky stinky blood! Man! I thought I was dying when I got mine for the fir—"

"Whoa, whoa!" Kankuro held up his arms in surrender. "That's enough info, thank you very much!"

Gaara meanwhile scarcely heard them. He stood there quiet as the grave with his arms folded across his chest. His eyes were unfocused and his face held a delicate thoughtful look. Uzumaki was now a girl permanently until death… Gaara's fingers tapped his elbows. He had mixed feelings about Naruto's situation.

1, he—like Kankuro—felt pity for their friend's lack of masculinity however 2, Uzumaki was now fair game. Gaara always had a soft spot for Naruto. After all, he now she was the only one that understood his pain and released him from his corrupted ways by example.

They both had monsters sealed into them at birth but Naruto choose to protect the ones who despised him while Gaara choose to destroy and kill. In the end, Naruto's ambition had won out and inspired Gaara to do the same in order to have a reason to exist, to have a purpose in serving others than yourself…

"Uh, hello Gaara? Heeeelllloooo?" Gaara blinked to see a graceful hand waved in front of his face. Naruto looked at him concernedly. "Are you okay?"

Kankuro chuckled. "I guess you left my little brother dumbfounded, good job" he congratulated Naruto.

Gaara surpassed a glare. "You were unfortunate, however there're worser things" he said in condolence.

Naruto nodded with a sad grin. "I know that's why I don't feel too bad—anyway are you hungry, Gaara?"

"I am" Kankuro answered.

"I wasn't asking you, puppet boy!" Naruto snapped.

Gaara blinked at how quick Naruto changed the subject. "Yes. I and Kankuro were actually on our way to a restaurant until we ran into you—"

"Okay great!" Naruto cheered hopping up and down. "I'll treat both of you then! Since you're in my neck of the lands, you'll be my guest!" She took but Kankuro and Gaara by the hand and dragged them down the street. "I'm taking you to Ichiraku's stand! It's a great place to get dumplings, takoyaki, fish cakes and especially ramen!" she said happily. "Yule love it!"

"For Kami's sake slow down!" Kankuro yelled. He barely kept up at Naruto's pace.

Gaara followed a bit easier since he wasn't carrying his gourd of dirt. He mind still in a state of shock by all this. Naruto was a girl and now lunch? Wham, wham.

Sasuke meanwhile was standing back there like an idiot with Naruto's bags as she ran off with Kankuro and Gaara. _'She forgot all about me…that ungrateful ditzy dobe'_ Sasuke thought sourly as his eyebrows twitched. Picking up the last of his dignity he turned on his heel and walked home. She would have to come to him eventually if she wanted her stuff.

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—**PAGE BREAK—**

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The trio ordered drinks but that's as far as they got. The Suna boys were a little put out at how limited the menu was at Ichiraku's stand. Unlike Gaara, Kankuro made his opinion known. He rounded to Naruto. "I'm starting to think you came here more for yourself than us"

"Hey!" Naruto snapped. "Beggars can't be choosers!"

"We didn't beg, you _dragged_ us here!"

"Well no one is asking you to stay—go somewhere and play with your dolls, Barbie!"

"Hey! They're not dolls!"

Naruto rolled her eyes. "Action figures whatever…"

"They're mechanical battle puppets, idiot! I've killed over 1547 people with them!"

Naruto tilted her head and snorted. "Dolls with a few blades big deal! I can beat the stuffing out your teddies any day of the week!"

"Why you!"

Gaara was losing his Buddha like patience. First of all he was sitting between the two at the stand and they were nearly busting out his ear drums with their petty argument. 2, He was famished and the aroma of food wasn't helping. 3, He didn't care for ramen but he just wanted to get some food in his stomach.

"Both of you be quiet" Gaara ordered in a low pissed toned. Immediately both Kankuro and Naruto fell silent. "Kankuro, shut up and accept Uzumaki's generosity. Naruto, order the food or I'll be leaving"

"Geez, okay, okay!" Naruto pouted. She snatched a menu from the counter. "No need to get snappy you deranged raccoon!"

Kankuro gasped and scooted his stool away. He expected Gaara to raise sand at any second to crush or scare the blonde into the netherworld but Gaara didn't. He just sat there. He only said four words. "Don't call me that" and that was it. So there _**IS **_a Kami!

Naruto shrugged nonchalantly. "Well you are" she replied with a bright smile. "From now on I now deem you Ra-chan!" she giggled.

Gaara blinked.

Kankuro snorted. "Ra-chan?"

"Yep! It's short for raccoon: Ra-chan! Isn't it cute?" Naruto teased. "So what do you guys want? Dumplings? Ramen? Name it!"

'_She must really want to die…' _Kankuro assumed. Once again to his amazement Gaara didn't bust the cap on Naruto. All he did was reach for his tea, brought the hot liquid to his mouth and blew on it. "I want pork buns and miso ramen, thanks" he took a long sip.

Naruto grinned happily. "Yah! I love miso ramen too!" she cheered. "Are we soul mates or what!"

Gaara choked on his drink, spraying his clothes with tea while Kankuro did an undignified anime fall off the stool. Naruto gasped. "A-are you okay? I was only joking—all crap don't die on me, Ra-chan! I don't want Sunagakure demanding my blood in repayment!"

"I-I'm fine…" Gaara said. Naruto was about to wipe the boy's shirt with a napkin but Gaara grabbed her wrist. "Just order the food" he ordered sternly.

"Sure thing, Ra-chan" Naruto said.

Forty minutes later Naruto sighed contently as she wiped her mouth with a napkin. She had just finished her fourth bowl of ramen and was stuffed. She looked to her right. Gaara had a half a bowel of miso ramen left and was chewing on his last bun. Kankuro had devoured everything within a 12 inch radius.

"So is everyone good?" Naruto asked. "Or you guys want another round?"

"Actually I—oof! Nope, full!" Kankuro was about to ask for fifths but a hand formed from sand punched him in his gut. Gaara elegantly shoved the last bit of dumpling in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed. "No" he answered.

"Okay"

Naruto motioned to Teuchi. "Hey pops, send the check!" Naruto yelled.

The old man nodded as his daughter Ayame handed the check over to Naruto with a sweet smile. Naruto looked at the bill. "Not so bad…" She took out her Gama-chan wallet. When she was about to open it Gaara's hand stopped her. "I will pay" he said.

"Ra-chan, no! I promised it was my treat!" Naruto howled.

"You did treat me" Gaara said. "To informal company and genuine generosity"

"Informal and genuine? What are you blabbering about?"

"Dining with friends is much better than with a bunch of old pious farts from the councils of Suna who only tolerate me because I am Kazekage" Gaara explained. "So to show my appreciation, I will pay for the meal"

Naruto pouted like a child. "I'm not going to win this argument am I?"

Gaara smirked. "No"

"Whatever Ra-chan" Naruto sighed as she tucked away her wallet. Muttering something about stupid raccoons, Naruto sulked with her arms folded across her bosom. Suddenly a thought came to her. She looked around her stool wildly. "Oh crap where's my bags?" she yelped abruptly.

"What bag? You didn't have a bag when we first meet up…" Kankuro said. "You're totally a ditz"

Naruto was too busy recalling her memory to retort. "I was with Sasuke and—and oh no! Sasuke! I left him! When I saw you guys I—oh crap! Sasuke is probably sooo mad at me!" She hopped off the stool and ran off. "Thanks Gaara, bye guys!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"Okay, bye ditz" Kankuro mumbled. He then caught the look Gaara was giving Naruto. Kankuro looked back and forth between Naruto's retrieving back and Gaara's longing stare. Several times he repeated this. He freaked. "Oh kami Gaara, don't tell me you got the hots for that dumb blonde!" he gasped. "I mean I was starting to think you were gay so it's a relief you like girls but still—Naruto, Kami no!"

Gaara glared at Kankuro. "My feelings are of no concern to you" he said coldly. He gave the money to Ayame and left.

"Okay, sorry Gaara" Kankuro apologized quickly as he followed cautiously. He knew his limits. Gaara had more patience now than he ever had in his life but sometimes he could still be temperamental. "Let's meet up with Temari. Perhaps she is done visiting that bum, Shikamaru"

"Hn" Gaara nodded. "And one more thing, Kankuro…"

"Yeah, Gaara?"

"Do I really seem like the homosexual type to you?"

* * *

—**TBC—**

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**CM:** You know I was just watching a movie called _Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead man's chest_ last night. My favorite Jack favorite quote: "I want my jar of dirt!" LOL. Then I thought about Gaara…

Jack: (*trying to grab Gaara's sand gourd*) I need a jar of dirt!

Gaara: (*pushing him back with his foot*) Get your own dirt!

**CM:** yeaaah, I had way too many sodas. However like most fans I was disappointed with _Pirates 3: World's End_. The animation was AWESOME but storyline, so-so. Same with _Transformers 1_…GREAT ANIMATION but bad themes for young boys and a terrible storyline. Why the _HELL_ did they go into the city to fight? Retarded**.** Oh, and one more thing…

"_Oi, fishface…Come to negotiate eh, you slimy git? Well I got a jar of dirt; I got a jar of dirt and guess what's inside it?" –_Jack taunting Davy Jones. My second favorite Jack quote from the movie.


	7. Sleepover

**-**

**CM: **As promised here is the long awaited chapter 7. Sorry to fans of _My Swan princess_. I truly intended to update last week but life tends to have a way of distracting me. Geeze, I'm starting to sound like Kakashi! *shudders*

-

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto get's turned into a girl and now the men are starting to see Kohana's loudest ninja in a new light…poor, poor Naruto.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

**-**

**Chapter 7: Sleepover **

Naruto looked up into the sky as she ran along, she had to hurry, it looked like it was going to rain. Ominous black clouds covered the once blue skies and the faint sound of thunder reached her ears. Even an idiot like her knew it was going to be a nasty storm later on this evening. She didn't stop running until she reached the gate of the Uchiha compound.

Almost waveringly Naruto entered the complex. The place was well, dead. Lifeless—even the vegetation had withered away. The buildings were beginning to decay with neglect and when the wind blew, creaks were heard. Faintly she could hear the ghostly whispers of people, coming and going all wearing the Uchiha symbol with pride. Then she heard the screams, the terror…swords piercing flesh…blood staining the ground red; the glowing red eyes of Itachi and Madara Uchiha.

Naruto shook her head. She was scaring herself. Shivering, she wrapped her jacket closer to her body as she thought_ 'How can Sasuke stand living here? You can find more cheer in a graveyard than this place!'_

Finally she reached the middle of the compound where the mansion of the head family was located. Naruto hesitated before knocking on the door. Why did this feel so _wrong_? It's not like she was sneaking behind Sakura's back, they were only friends and for Kami's sake, this IS Sasuke…the princely emo bastard: her best friend and rival. With her confidence restored Naruto a foxy smile crawled its way onto her lips.

Naruto knocked. After a moment or two of nobody answering she began to beat on the door furiously. "Yo, teme! I know you're here! I can sense your chakra signature!"

"My, temperamental aren't we?"

"EKKK GHOST!" Naruto shrieked and slapped the person behind her without looking first. Naruto relaxed when she saw it was fuming Sasuke. "Oh it's you, teme" she sighed in relief. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Feh" Sasuke huffed. Gingerly he rubbed his swollen cheeks. "Good reflexes" he commended. "You got both sides"

Naruto huffed. "A blind person could hit you, Sasuke. Now where's my stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"My grocery bags, baka" Naruto snapped.

"Who said I had it?"

"Stop playing with me!"

"No"

"TEME!"

Sasuke had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling. It was always fun to piss of the blonde because only Naruto can manage to look cute while throwing a temper tantrum.

"It's in the refrigerator" the dark haired young man finally answered.

He unlocked the front door. Naruto shoved pass him and stormed in. Sasuke followed at a relaxed pace. He entered the kitchen right when Naruto was bending over into the fridge getting her bags. Sasuke shamelessly let his eyes wonder over her well toned buttocks and long legs. He felt himself grow hard but pushed those thoughts down. Besides, it was ill-mannered to lust so openly.

Leaning against the doorframe Sasuke asked, "So, did you enjoy your date with Gaara?"

Naruto choked on her spit. "What the?!" she turned around to face him. "I was just treating him to Ichiraku because I wanted to hang out with him!"

Sasuke pressed his lips together. "Then who paid the bill at the end?"

"Gaara did…" Naruto trailed. Suddenly realization hit her. "W-Wait that doesn't mean anything! W-we're only friends!"

Sasuke sent her a flat look. But under the surface he was boiling. Gaara had paid for Naruto? That was a bad sign for him. Sasuke turned and walked back into the living room. "I only wish for your happiness, dobe" he said over his shoulder.

"Oh shaddup!" Naruto bellowed. "For the last time: It WAS NOT a date! Ew Sasuke, I still like girls you know!"

"Humph" Sasuke huffed, almost a pout on his lips. "Men are better, Naruto-chan. You should give us a try"

Naruto snorted. "Oho and I bet you're the cream of the crop!"

"How observant of you"

"Conceited teme!" Naruto growled. She stomped out the kitchen with her bags in her arms. "How does Sakura deal with you?"

"She's emotionally near-sighted" Sasuke replied smoothly.

"So in other words you can be a total jackass and she thinks it's something she did wrong to make you act like that way" Naruto said while rolling her eyes.

Sasuke shrugged indifferently.

"Now I'm _really _curious: what do women see in you—besides a sex toy?"

Sasuke snorted. He had wondered the same thing from time to time. "Who knows but I suppose…" he eased up next to Naruto until his face was only a few inches away from her's. Naruto immediately had to downplay a blush. Sasuke felt his confidence soar when he saw this. "My handsomeness makes them blind…"

Naruto took a few steps back from Sasuke. "Well I hate to break it to you but it doesn't work on me"

"Why's that?" Sasuke said. He decided to use a husky tone. All woman melted to that voice. Even Naruto would.

Naruto suddenly laughed out loud; a real laugh. "Oho you are one funny teme!" she gasped out in-between giggles.

Sasuke's eyes widen a fraction for a moment before he hid his emotions under a stoical façade.

"Because no amount of sexiness can turn me on from what your moody, mean-spirited emo attitude has turned off. In fact it makes me want to break your pretty little nose" Naruto said with a smirk. "Now if you excuse me, boy-toy, I should be going"

Sasuke watched Naruto go with a put off look. He was about to go start dinner for himself when he heard a shriek. Immediately he rushed out. Only a block away from his house he found Naruto getting up from the ground. She was covered from head to toe in mud.

"You are a klutz" Sasuke stated as he helped Naruto up.

"Argh! My clothes!" Naruto whinnied. She bent down and began savage the rest of her groceries. Some of the items were broken or sticky with muck and had to be thrown away.

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the scene. Leave it to the village baka to find the largest mud hole in the rundown Uchiha district and fall into it. "Come back inside. I'll wash your clothes" Naruto reluctantly went back into Sasuke's house.

Naruto sat down her bags near the entrance and began to undress right in front of him. Sasuke's brain went south. He could feel his little member pumping up again. "Y-you're not shy are you?" He asked indifferently as possible.

Naruto smirked. "What's wrong, Sassy-chan?" she asked innocently. She removed her shirt so that she was stripped completely down to her underwear. "Never seen a naked chick before? I thought you and that girl Karin—"

"No we didn't" Sasuke cut off quickly.

"But you bit _and_ kissed her" Naruto said. "How kinky can you get?—"

"I only bit her to heal my body you baka! And the kiss was to replenish my chakra!"

"Riiiiight. How come you never told Sakura about it?"

"No reason to"

"Anyway can I borrow some clothes? Even my underwear is soaked!"

"You can have some clothes from my bedroom after you take a shower" Sasuke offered.

"Thanks" Naruto walked pass him. Sasuke eyes followed her. He had to admit, Naruto had some really, _really_, _**really **_nice buttocks. He threw the remainder of Naruto's food into the trash and went to start dinner for both of them.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

About Twenty minutes later, Sasuke was setting the table when he heard Naruto's voice.

"Geeze Sasuke why does everything article of clothing you own has an Uchiha symbol on it?!" she complained. Sasuke could here her soft footsteps heading toward the kitchen.

"Get over it you ingrate—AH!" Sasuke yelped. Naruto came out into the dining room wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers with the Uchiha printed all over it. Firm, round breast with sun kissed nipples exposed to his eyes. Blood spilled from Sasuke's nose. Hurriedly he wiped away the evidence with a napkin before Naruto could see it.

"D-dobe, why are you wearing my boxers?" he asked more composed than he felt. He _did_ offer clothes but that was just a little too personal!

"Because I like it" Naruto answered with a shrug. "Underwear and shorts in one, it's awesome"

"Where's your b-bra?" Sasuke asked next. He had to pinch the bridge of his nose in order to keep his nose from bleeding again. He tried to take his eyes off Naruto's boobs but couldn't.

"Oooo! You cooked chicken ramen!" Naruto said, excitedly looking over Sasuke's shoulder. "You made enough for me?"

"Dooobe" Sasuke said. "Where. Is. Your. Bra?" he asked again.

"Oh, I tossed it in the dryer with my other clothes"

"Well go get one of my shirts to wear for the meantime" Sasuke ordered.

"No need" Naruto said. "My bra will be dry in twenty minutes" She walked pass Sasuke to sit at the table. Her large breasts bouncing slightly in a hypnotizing rhythm with each step she took.

Sasuke couldn't hold it in any longer. He jerked off. "Show some shame and _**please**_ wear a shirt!" he shouted. _'Or you're going to be raped right here and now on my dining room table and I'll probably go to jail for the rest of my life!'_

Naruto snorted. "Fine if it means that much to you"

"You have no idea…" Sasuke mumbled.

"Did you just say something?"

"No. It was probably your inner demon"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Dinner was rather awkward for Sasuke as he poked at his noodles. Naruto was devouring her's with no problem and was chatting about random things that Sasuke could careless about. He had finally convinced her to wear one of his many Uchiha branded shirts.

Of all the colors, she picked red and it happened to be one of his smaller shirts that hugged her curbs quite nicely. Sasuke felt like he was in heaven as he stared at her magnificent breasts that were pressed against the confinement of the t-shirt. He wasn't sure if Naruto was doing this on purpose or not but at the moment he didn't care.

Suddenly a loud cracking boom sounded from outside, signaling the start of a long downpour. "No way!" Naruto rushed to the window as the rain began to pound the window like bullets.

"You may have to stay the night, dobe" Sasuke informed. "The storm is not going to let up until tomorrow morning"

"WHAT?"

"That's what the weatherman said today—"

"I hope he's wrong and get's fired!" Naruto yelled. "I don't wanna stay in your haunted mansion!" she cried.

Sasuke felt his eye twitch. "My house is not haunted!"

"Yes it is!"

Sasuke glared. "Then leave" He motioned to the door. Just then a loud crack of thunder was heard, causing them both to flinch slightly at the unsuspected nose.

Naruto sighed miserably. Just the thought of running home in a thunder storm wasn't very appealing. "Fine" she reneged. "But I want a sutra spell and a nightlight!" she demanded. "And don't you dare put me in Itachi's room!"

"Sutra spell? Dobe, there's no ghosts in my house!" Sasuke snapped in an affronted tone. "But there is a nightlight I can dig up from the attic and this house has several Itachi-free guestrooms, happy?"

"… …Yeah I guess…and oh about the nightlight" Naruto grinned sheepishly, "It's _your _old nightlight right?" she asked.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Yes Naruto. It didn't belong to Itachi if that's what you're asking"

He wanted to punch Naruto. Sometimes she could be such an insensitive idiot.

Naruto jumped up with a shout of happiness. "Yes! Thanks"

Sasuke followed the movement of her body more than anything. Forgetting his anger, he said "Y-your welcome"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Sasuke tried for the rest of the evening to forget Naruto's beautiful body but failed pathetically especially since they were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the sofa watching TV. It just all felt so _**weird**_. Reality felt like some sick twilight zone jest. Just two months earlier he would have beaten Naruto into the ground and now he wanted to beat_ into_ Naruto instead.

It was still raining outside but the lighting and thunder had stopped. Playing on the TV set was an old movie called _Junior_. Why they decided to watch it was beyond him but Naruto seemed to find it amusing to watch a romance between two klutzy scientists and a pregnant man.

Personally Sasuke found it to be disturbing. He was quite content with his manhood and extremely happy he could have offspring without carrying it. Which had him wondering about Naruto; he was now a she, meaning she has to carry and give birth to the offspring.

"Do you want kids someday, Naruto?" Sasuke asked randomly as the credits of the movie began scroll down the screen.

"Sure, I wanted five" Naruto answered. She stretched her hands above her head, making her nipples even more noticeable through the shirt.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "_Wanted_ five?" he asked, recognizing the past tense.

"Yeah but that was before I'd known _**I **_would be the one to have them"

Sasuke released a dry chuckle. "So how many do you want now?"

"Three"

Sasuke blinked. "And you still plan to be Hokage?"

"Yup"

"Why so many then?"

Childbearing was hard in the shinobi world. Most ninja families only had one or two and rarely three babies at the most. Usually the woman stepped down from active duty to rear the children. If Naruto was the Hokage and if the father was an active duty ninja it would be exceedingly difficult on her.

Naruto sighed. Understanding where Sasuke was coming from. "I grew up alone, Sasuke. Even though your family was tragically taken away from you, at least you knew what it was like to have them at one time"

Sasuke felt his chest tighten.

"There's a bond between siblings that I can never understand and I want my kids to grow up with those bonds…even at my expense" she explained. Her face cracked into a sunny smile. "So what about you? Planning on fifty brats or something?" she joked.

Sasuke snorted. He turned away from Naruto. "Sakura only said 'as many as I wanted'"

"Is that such a bad thing?" Naruto took Sasuke's silence as an answer.

"Then how man to do want?"

"Three or four"

Naruto's eyebrow's shot up. "That's _it_? Damn! The Uchiha clan won't make a comeback with _that_!"

Sasuke shrugged. "I would say nine children but these are _Uchiha_ babies. One Uchiha baby equals the trouble and expenses of three normal babies. So If I have three kids; it's like having nine"

Naruto laughed aloud. "Well since you put it that way teme I guess you have a point. Uchihas are a handful and believe me—I'm talking from personal experience"

Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Since little Sasukes are so troublesome, just use shadow clones to help care for them" Naruto joked but Sasuke took that suggestion seriously.

"Not a bad idea. Maybe I'll really have nine after all then. However my clones can only last four to eight hours…"

"Hell, that's it? Mine can last for _days_ if they're not harmed!" Naruto bragged.

"Really?" Sasuke asked interested. With a consuming urge he began to rub Naruto's thigh. It was smooth and firm. He had to control his inner beast not to rub closer to her crotch. "If that's the case why don't _we_ get started now?" he suggested slyly.

Naruto felt immediately uncomfortable. She wasn't sure if it was from the glint in Sasuke's eye or the thigh rub. Probably both. "D-doing what?"

"Repopulating the Uchiha and Uzumaki clans of course" Sasuke said as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "Personally I would like us to have a girl first. I want to name her after my mother. Then we can name our first son after your father, the Yondaime"

"…"

"Well?"

"…You're k-kidding right?"

Sasuke pulled away with a snort. "Obviously idiot"

Naruto did an anime fall off the couch. "THANK KAMI! DON'T TOY WITH ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!"

"Then stop being such a gullible fool and then maybe I'll stop" Sasuke said. He flipped through the TV channels with the remote control. "If you ever reproduce may Kami have mercy and let the kid inherited its father's brain cells"

"SHUDDUP!" Naruto snapped. "So where am I going to sleep, tonight? You said in an Itachi-free room, right?"

"Yeah, but I could offer you something better…"

"What?"

"We could share a bed…" Sasuke suggested covertly. He sent Naruto a sexy smile "…_My_ bed"

Naruto snorted. She was thinking Sasuke was teasing her again. "No way"

"Are you sure? I have silk sheets"

Naruto laughed. "Sorry but I don't fell like outrunning Sakura when she get's back from her mission"

"She won't know about it and if she does find out, I'll protect you" Sasuke said. He caressed Naruto's jaw with his hand. "It's going to get cold tonight. I need a little body heat—"

"Stop teasing me like that you pervert!" Naruto shouted. "_Seriously_ stop! You are starting to freak me out. It's not funny anymore!"

"But I'm not teasing you, Naruto"

Naruto suddenly felt sick. Really_, really_ sick. "Y-you aren't?"

Sasuke snorted. "Just kidding. Geeze, you fell for the same thing twice, baka" he stated.

Naruto twitched. "GO CURL UP SOMEWHERE AND DIE TEME!"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Later that night Sasuke tossed and turned listing to the rain beat against his bedroom window as he thought about his advances on Naruto. It bothered him a lot. His sexuality had little to no effect on Naruto.

Now he truly knew life was nothing but sadistic irony! The only girl he wanted at his mercy and she was not sexual aroused by him. Almost possessed, Sasuke got up and stealthily walked to Naruto's chambers. He had given her the closest guestroom to his room.

The way Naruto sleep was so disgusting and yet sexy at the same time. Her mouth wide open with drool oozing out the side and snoring loud enough to wake the dead! Blond hair ruffled across the pillows. Her shirt had ridden up due to all the twisting, revealing a lean tight muscled stomach. Sasuke felt himself drooling at the sight. Hastily he wiped it away. There he goes being a pervert again. Sasuke turned to leave when—

"Sasuke…"

The Uchiha froze. The hairs on his body stood up. Had Naruto caught his goggling? Sasuke looked back to see the dobe still asleep, thank Kami!

"Sasuke…Sasuke…" Naruto sleepily muttered suddenly.

That piped Sasuke's interest. Naruto was dreaming about him? Naruto's face suddenly soured as she began to thrash around. "YOU TEME!" she shouted, landing an unsuspecting kick into Sasuke's balls with her foot. Sasuke squeaked before falling to the floor clutching his most valuable item.

At Sasuke's squeak, Naruto jerked awake. "Huh? W-what?" she said sleepily. She sat up rubbing the sleepiness out of her eyes when she noticed Sasuke curled up on the ground.

"Hey what are you doing on the floor, Sasuke?" Naruto asked concerned. Sasuke merely groaned. Then she had a second thought. "Actually what are you doing in my room?"

Sasuke rose from the ground carefully and slowly. "I-I heard talking so I investigated" he managed to say in-between the throbs of pain. His voice was still a little high pitched. "But it was just you sleep talking. Tch moron"

"Sorry Sasuke" Naruto yawned as she stretched her arms above her head. Sasuke got a great view of her nipples hardening through her shirt. "But I was a great dream! We were fighting and man did I nail you bad!!" she said proudly.

"Yep. You did" Sasuke muttered in agreement under his breath. He inwardly cringed as he fought the urge to cradle his _precious_.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

The next morning Naruto was completely refreshed and greeted Sasuke. In return, the albino merely grunted. To show her appreciation she decided to cook breakfast. When Naruto was half way done, there was knock at the door. Sasuke got up to answer it to come face to face with Kiba and his partner Akamaru.

"Hey Kiba!" Naruto shouted over Sasuke's form. She came to the door wiping her hands on a paper towel. Kiba merely stared blankly at her in response.

"What?" Naruto asked innocently. Sasuke inwardly sighed. He was really hoping Naruto just stayed in the kitchen. This was _**not**_ a good impression right now.

"Okaaaay" the Inuzuka said slowly, taking in Naruto's appearance. "Naruto, what are you doing in Sasuke's boxers?"

Naruto's eyes bulged. Realizing what Kiba was hinting. "Kiba it's not what it looks like—I swear! My clothes got—"

Kiba laughed half-heartedly. He waved Naruto off. "Save it. I can tell you didn't do anything" he tapped his nose. "My sense of smell doesn't lie…" suddenly he gave Sasuke a dark glare. "But _you _on the other hand…" he growled openly at him.

Sasuke glared back and growled, not as carnie but it still sounded animalistic, daring Kiba to finish that sentence.

Naruto glanced back and forth between Kiba and Sasuke uneasily. "Whatever you're both growling about—stop it!"

They both stop growling like animals but were still glaring at each other. Naruto figured it was better than nothing.

"Hey since you're here, why don't you come in for breakfast Kiba-kun?"

"NO" both Kiba and Sasuke said at the same time.

"Why?" Naruto asked completely oblivious. "You ate already or something? I can even make something for Akamaru" she offered.

Akamaru perked up at that and whined to Kiba, begging him to agree. With a sigh Kiba relented. "Only if it's okay with the Uchiha"

"No, get out"

"Stop being such a prick, teme!" Naruto shouted. "If Kiba has to go, I'm going with him and you can eat it all by yourself!"

Sasuke's glared deepened. "…Fine" conceded and opened the door wider to give Kiba and Akamaru entrance to his home. _And so were the gates of hell opened…_

-

—**TBC—**

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	8. Sai’s business

**-**

**CM: **Hi, this is an intermediate filler chapter. Enjoy.

-

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto get's turned into a girl and now the men are starting to see Kohana's loudest ninja in a new light…poor, poor Naruto.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

**-**

**Chapter 8: Sai's business**

Unlike most of the men in Kohana who were smitten with Naruto Uzumaki, Sai had found his friend's transformation to be funny. Dead funny. In fact his new favorite nickname for Naruto was now officially, Dickless.

On his days off from active duty, Sai sketched and painted anything he found fascinating to sell in his part-time paint shop. He had recently opened it near his home to make some extra cash. Particularly on one of his days off, Sai was wondering around for inspiration when he found Naruto half naked in training area 7, meditating.

The albino admitted Naruto was indeed a rare beauty but he felt that his girlfriend, Ino, would always be the beauty Queen of Kohana. Still, he smirked. What are the chances of catching Naruto in a situation like this again? He immediately ducked behind the shrubs and took out his trusty sketch book. By the time Naruto left the training area a few hours later, Sai had drawn over twelve sketches of her. Eight of them he considered very well done.

"Ahem…" a voice said suddenly.

Surprised, Sai looked over his shoulder to see Neji Hyuuga. The stoical man had his arms crossed, looking down at his him a sneer. Sai forced out a very plastic smile. "Oh hello Hyuuga-san" He held up his drawing book. "600 yen a page" he teased. Sai was fully prepared for a disgusted glance or even a sucker punch. But not this—

"Hn" Neji scoffed. "400 yen a page or nothing"

"What?" Sai said dropping his smile. His eyes were wide in shock. "Is this what people call sarcasm?" he asked sincerely. Surely Neji was kidding. He didn't think the human ice cube had it in him.

Neji scowled at Sai, signaling he was dead serious. "No" he said. He pulled out his wallet. Trying to hide a blush on his pale cheeks, he said. "I want six of your best drawings of Naruto for 400 yen each—as a girl—mind you _and_ keep this transaction quiet"

Sai was speechless. "…"

"Well?"

Sai did the math quickly, 2400 yen for sketches? What the hell was he waiting for! "Okay" he agreed. He gave his sketch book to Neji. "Your pick, Hyuuga-san"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

As time went by, Sai continued to gain more and more customers. Unfortunately it wasn't for his scenery artwork. The art work that was selling nicely usually had a certain blonde ninja in it. Neji and a few other Uzumaki Fans came to him on what Sai nicknamed, the Orange Market. In a small room in the back of his store, he sold only pictures of Naruto as surreptitiously as possible.

His current customer was a sand ninja named Kankuro. Who had wandered into the Orange Market by accident and spotted his colored life drawing of Naruto he had recently finished. Once Sai was reassured the man wasn't going to punch his lights out or reveal his secret business, he bargained out a fair price with him.

"Hmm" Kankuro rubbed his chin as he examined the drawing. It was large colored sketch of Naruto Uzumaki sitting on the Hokage monument: on the Yondaime's head to specify, with her shirt unzipped. Gaara's birthday was in a few days and this could be the perfect gift for him. "Can you frame it?"

"Only 300 yen extra" Sai said with a fake smile.

"Do it"

"Want it trimmed in coal black, skylark blue, red passion or neon orange?"

"Better make it blue. Gift warping available?"

"Free with purchases of 1500 yen or more"

"Sweet"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"What kind of request? Photography? Hn. Never thought of that…" Sai then smirked. "Why Hyuuga-san, I've never realized you were such a pervert"

Neji had the decency to blush. "Only for Uzumaki, I am"

And after the suggestion, business in the Orange Market had dramatically boomed.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"This is the largest portrait I've done of Naruto Uzumaki at this time" Sai said. He was busy showing his newest customer. "60 by 80 inches" It was a blown up picture of Naruto undressing in her apartment.

Kiba was practically drooling at the mouth. "How much?"

"Uh…5000 yen warped and out the door?"

"Sold!" he agreed quickly.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Ino fidgeted happily in her seat. Sai had just given her a white gold bracelet with real blue pearls embedded in it.

"Wow Sai-kun!" Ino shrieked excitedly. "This is gorgeous!" she jumped up and gave her boyfriend a bone crushing hug.

"Anything for my kitten" Sai said.

"It's so beautiful! This must have cost your whole paycheck!"

Sai shrugged. "I racked up extra money by selling photographs and some sketches. Who the better spend it on then my little Miss. Beautiful?" he teased.

Ino squealed happily. "You got your priorities right! You are the best boyfriend I've ever had!"

"You like it then?"

"Like it? I love it!"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"I want to purchase a set of wallet size pictures"

"Sure" Sai said. "I have bedtime and underwear photos available"

"What about the bikini photos?"

"Sorry, that sold clean out the first day"

Sasuke snorted. "The underwear set will do then…and Sai"

"Yes?"

"Tell anyone else—especially Sakura—that I bought these photos from you and you will die a slow painful death with Tsukiyomi, understand?"

Sai pouted. "Why Sasuke-kun, I'm hurt… I'm highly professional and will not disclose my customer's personal information under pain of death—as you mentioned"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"Oh Naruto-kun looks so beautifully spirited in this photo!" Lee cheered as he looked through a stack of training photos. "I'll take this one and this one!" he took them out of the stack and placed it on the side. "And this one and—AIEEEE!" he shirked suddenly. Blood gushed out of his nose. "WHERE'S HER SHIRT?!"

Sai raised an eyebrow. "Um Lee-san, that's the idea…want it?"

"How can you do this to poor innocent, Naruto?!"

"Lee—"

"It's a betrayal of friendship!"

"LEE-SAN" Sai said. "Do want it or not?" he asked again.

"…"

"Well?" Sai pressed. He had other customers who had scheduled an appointment.

"… …Okay"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"Do you have any bathhouse portraits available?"

Sai shook his head. "Not at this time, however if you are interested you can buy a set of 5 photos for 1500 yen" Sai held up five photos of Naruto relaxing in the hot springs. She was in a different position in each one.

"Close enough, also I still want a portrait. What do they sell for?"

"They sell 20 by 40 for 4000 yen. 40 by 60 for 4500 yen and 60 by 80 for 5000 yen" Sai answered professionally. "So which one do you want?"

"Hn. Can I request a 120 by140?"

"Sure, but there's a waiting list for special requests"

"Sign me up. How much is shipping?"

"It's free shipping for purchases of 3000 yen and over and for you personally, Kazekage-sama, I'll upgrade shipping to overnight free of charge"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"Yo, Dickless" Sai called out to Naruto. "Haven't seen you around"

"I just got back from a B class mission!" Naruto bragged with a smirk. "It was a riot!"

When Naruto goes out on missions, things went into a slump because all his work were authentic life drawings and photos of her daily routines. Basically Sai had become a stalker over the pass three months in his free time…Did he care? No. It was easy money for him and presents for Ino. That's all that mattered. But he couldn't help but fell a _little _bad for using Naruto…so whenever he could he would…

"Hn. How about you tell me all about it over ramen?" Sai would suggest. "I'll pay for whatever you want"

If only Naruto knew she had already paid for it.

-

—**TBC—**

-

**CM:** Someone asked me about Sai being a suitor but since I didn't find it appealing, I've decided no. Like Shikamaru belongs to Temari; Sai belongs to Ino. But since I didn't want to keep Sai out of the story, I made him into a paparazzi. *snickers* Now what shall I do with Shikamaru? Heh-heh.

-


	9. Authoress announcement

**-**

**CM:** *bowing over and over again* I'm sorry but there will be no update today. Personal matters have come up and I couldn't concentrate the last few days on fiction writing to save my life. The reason why I posted this is because I promised several of you guys an update today and since I didn't deliver, I apologize a thousand times.

But on the bright side I was able to make a new poll for this story. "Which suitor should win Naruto's heart (eventually)?" Sasuke is still a huge possibility but I can be easily swayed…

Naruto X Gaara?

Naruto X Neji?

Naruto X Lee? (Ewww…)

Naruto X Choji?

Naruto X Kankuro? (Snorts. Not in this life)

Naruto X Shion? (the priestess from Naruto Shippuden movie 1)

Naruto X Hinata?

Naruto X Kiba?

Naruto X Shino? (Doubt it…)

Am I missing anyone?

**CM:** Despite my opinion, the decision is yours. Vote!

-

**TBC**

-


	10. Enter Priestess Shion

-

**CM:** Hello. Thank you for voting. I up loaded a poll on my profile page but I didn't know until a few hours later that I didn't make it visible. I apologize for that. So if you have time, go to my profile page and vote again. (It's an easier and more effective way to tally up your opinions accurately).

Speaking of my profile page—it hasn't been updated for _years_. I literally flinched when I read that Sakura was one of my favorite characters! (Twitch-Twitch-Twitch) Yep things have _**defiantly**_ changed. My favorite Naruto characters now are Naruto, Hinata, Gaara, Yamato, Shikamaru and Minato (Yondaime). Sakura is actually one of the only characters in Naruto I dislike. Even Orochimaru scores higher than her on my radar!

-

**Chapter 10: **Enter Priestess Shion

Sasuke Uchiha was pissed. No…pissed was a huge understatement. He was furious. He was alone with Naruto and now that was shattered by Kiba's intervention. The two boys shared a heated glare over the breakfast table while Naruto cheerfully continued to cook over the stove as if nothing was wrong, even humming to a tune!

Sasuke lip curled downward as he watched Naruto place a plate of food down in front of Akamaru…His good porcelain plate being used to serve a dog? He would never eat off that plate again! Akamaru nearly barked aloud in joy. Next Naruto served Kiba since he was closest. Sasuke flumed at the gesture while Kiba smirked.

Kiba raised his eyebrows at the beautifully colored pancakes and fluffy eggs. "Naruto can cook something besides ramen, geeze…" he looked toward a window. "Let me check if the sky's falling"

"Baka!" Naruto bit out. "Of course I can cook! Ramen just happens to be easier and tastier!" she gave Sasuke his plate filled with golden brown pancakes and juicy sausage.

By this time Sasuke pissy mood had tripled. Angrily he shoved a big piece of dry pancake into his mouth. "So what were you doing here anyway, Inuzuka?" Sasuke asked coldly.

Kiba jammed a spoonful of scrambled eggs aggressively into his mouth. "Well the Godaime wanted Naruto to meet her at her office at ten o' clock so she sent me to find her but I didn't expect Naruto to be over _here_" Kiba said darkly and then added. "Especially when Sakura just happens to be away"

Naruto fidgeted a little. "I—I got stuck here because the thunder storm last night" Naruto explained through bites of noodles and fake pork bits. Kiba blinked. "If you can cook food like this—why do you eat noodle cups?!"

"If I don't pay contribute by eating ramen at least twice a day, it would be an abomination to the Ramen Kami!"

Kiba laughed. Sasuke snorted.

"So what did Granny Tsunade want?" Naruto asked getting up from the table.

"Who knows? Just get there on time before she has temper tantrum and throws her desk out the office window again"

"I thought she only threw a chair one time" Naruto said. She refilled Sasuke's cup with orange juice.

Kiba shook his head. "Two weeks ago while you were on a mission she tossed _both_ the desk and chair. I moved out of the way just in time but Shino and Akamaru got nailed!"

Akamaru whimpered aloud at the memory of that day.

"Okay, I'm going to change, see you guys in a minute" Naruto said and departed the kitchen.

"What the_ hell_ Uchiha?!" Kiba hissed as soon as Naruto was out of ear shot. "You already got a girlfriend! I'll be damned before you start a harem around here!"

"You heard Naruto. Nothing happened between us—"

"On Naruto's end that is!" Kiba barked furiously. "Don't give me that bull crap! You reek of hormones! You better keep your dick where it belongs or I'll rip it off and feed to Akamaru you damn pervert!"

Sasuke's hand tensed so hard on his spoon that it cracked under pressure. "You—"

"HEY SASUKE, WHERE'S MY SANDALS?" Naruto bellowed from her bedroom.

"Check the Utility room!" Sasuke yelled. He stood up slowly. "One more word, Inuzuka and I'll have you and your little pet Bolt neutered in five seconds!" he hissed coldly.

Akamaru growled. Kiba chucked down his fork and stood up. "Let's take this outside, Emo pervert—"

"I'm ready! Are you guys finished eating?" Naruto asked as she entered the kitchen.

"Yeah, thanks for the grub" Kiba said causally, never breaking eye contact with Sasuke.

Naruto was about to go over to the sink to clean up but Sasuke grabbed her wrist. "I'll clean up later, you get to the Godaime"

As the trio headed for the door, Kiba casually mentioned, "Oh and by the way, Sakura's back" he said out of the blue. Not caring to look at how ghostly pale Sasuke and Naruto seemed to have become.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"…Sakura?" Sasuke asked weakly.

"Hey, Sassy-chan! I just got back last night!" She leaped into his arms and hugged him. "I would have come over but the thunderstorm was terrible!"

'_Thank Kami for that!' _Sasuke managed a weak plastered smile. "It's okay, welcome home Sakura"

Kiba snorted at the scene, giving the Uchiha a disgusted look. Naruto looked slightly uncomfortable but then greeted the pinkette cheerfully.

"Hiya Sakura-chan!"

"Hi, Naruto-kun—or should I say _chan_?" Sakura asked with a smirk.

Naruto sighed dejectedly. "Whichever…I should as might as we get used to it. I'm not turning back anytime soon"

"Well it matters…" Sakura patted her shoulder. "Listen Naruto" she whispered in her ear, turning serious. "Once you step inside Tsunade-sama's office be careful…an old friend is here to see you and I doubt it's going to be pretty!"

"Why? Who is it?"

Sakura opened the door and gestured Naruto in. "You'll know who"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"And you see that's our policy—" Tsunade stopped abruptly when Naruto entered the office. "Ah, five minutes late, brat. If want to make Hokage within three years you need to be on time!"

"Aha sorry about that" Naruto said. "So Whattca want me for?"

It was just then when Naruto noticed the girl sitting in front of Tsunade's desk with long pale blond hair. Slowly she turned her head around to reveal the most captivating pink eyes Naruto had ever seen. Naruto felt a blush crawl onto her cheeks.

"You're you're…"

The girl fluttered her eyes downward as she fought a blush from appearing on her deliciously pale cheeks. Tilting her head high, she awaited Naruto to recognize her.

"Um…Who are you again?" Naruto asked in an embarrassed tone.

"_**Excuse **_me?" the girl demanded in shocked disbelief.

Tsunade could almost fore see a blood bath, so she decided to intervene. "Naruto!" she chinned. "This is Priestess Shion from the Demon Country! You were her personal body guard four years ago!"

"Ooooh, _Shion_!" Naruto said excitedly as she recalled everything. "Hey Shion! It's been a while!"

Shion glared at her. "Apparently too long…"

Naruto rubbed the back of her head. "So, um…heh-heh…what do I owe the honor of your presence?"

"Humph" Shion huffed. Getting up out of her seat she grabbed Naruto's wrist. "Naruto, come with me…" she eyed Tsunade distastefully. "…I wish to speak with you in private"

"O-okay" Naruto agreed. Naruto looked over her shoulder at Tsunade with a questioning look as she was being lead out of the room. The Hokage merely shrugged.

Shion lead Naruto pass her friends standing outside the door and down the hallway of the Hokage tower. Naruto meanwhile was in deep thought. She was surprised Shion didn't freak about her womanly appearance and regarded her no different. Maybe Granny Tsunade explained things to her—

Naruto gasped as Shion suddenly shoved her into an empty office and locked the door behind them. "Shion! What the?!"

Shion's stern face softened into a seductive smile. "Why Naruto-kun even you forgot _that_…Well it's time to remember that promise you made to me and fore fill!" Shion began to stroll toward Naruto with a twist in her walk and eyes full of lush.

That seductive grin of hers' made the hairs on Naruto's neck stand up. "Now Shion…" Naruto said nervously backing up. "I—EKK!"

Shion pushed Naruto onto a desk. Papers and scrolls went flying. "Don't be shy my little helper…" she singed as she traced her finger gingerly around Naruto's collarbone. Sweat began forming on Naruto's skin. Her eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

"Now release that sexy no jutsu and take these lips of mine!"

Naruto gasped. That's why—Shion was thinking she was just jesting!

"Wait Shion I have to tell you something—" but before Naruto could finish her statement, Shion crushed her plump lips onto Naruto's. The kiss was aggressive and passionate. Naruto, shell-shocked, struggled at first but then relaxed reluctantly. Shion's plump wet pink lips on her chapped ones felt…good…_very _good—

"WHAT…ARE…YOU…TWO…_**GIRLS**_…DOING?!" an angry voice bellowed suddenly.

The chokingly sexy atmosphere shriveled away at once. Shion pulled away from Naruto to glare daggers at the intruder. Naruto sat up immediately to see Sakura, Kiba and Sasuke standing in the doorway. Sakura stared at the scene with disbelief and fury before exploding, "AND OVER_** MY DESK **_NO LESS!!!!!!!!!!"

Kiba was staring wide-eyed with his jaw dropped. A hushed whisper escaped his lips, "What…the…_**HECK**_?"

Sasuke didn't say anything but his brow was creased in aggravation and his lip curled up into a silent sneer. A look of absolute aversion burned in his eyes like a black flame.

"Get out you breast-less macho chick!" Shion snapped at Sakura. "No one invited you here!!!"

"IT'S **MY** OFFICE DAMMINT!" Sakura yelled as she shook her fist. "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU LITTLE B—"

Sasuke suddenly grabbed Sakura from behind and pulled her to his frame before she could attack the priestess. "Calm down Sakura!" he ordered. Sasuke could personally care less if Sakura beat up the priestess; he was more concerned about her hitting Naruto in the process.

Sakura and Sasuke were ignored as Shion turned to Naruto. "And you—release that ridiculous jutsu _now_! I'm set to ovulate in three days so we have to _start_ now!"

Naruto's jaw dropped. "START _WHAT_?" she cried out, turning an unhealthy shade of green.

"I've waited four years for this!" Shion howled crossly. "And this is how you repay me!? By creating these cheap illusions?! Enough with the pranks, I know this is just your infamous jutsu!"

"Shion, this is not on purpose" Naruto said sadly. "It was an accident…I'm now a girl until I die…it was a stupid spontaneous mistake…and it cost me my manhood…"

Shion stared Naruto down. "You're lying!" she snapped angrily.

Naruto sighed. "I have no reason to lie—"

"Yes you do! You agreed to sire my babies and now this is your way of backing out of it"

"No!" Naruto shouted. "I never go back on my word! It's my nindo! My ninja way! Believe it!"

Sasuke felt his eye twitch. "Sire _what_?" he asked incredulously. He nearly dropped Sakura on the floor. "When had Naruto agreed to _that_?"

"Impulsively four years ago…" Kiba said, shaking his head.

Sakura sighed, rubbing her throbbing temple. "…Shion had hinted it in her request but Naruto being a dolt—"

"Hey!"

"—agreed quickly…too quickly—not catching it until I explained it to him later!!" Sakura informed.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Yep, that sounded like Naruto alright. A deep chuckled vaguely heard, escaped from his throat before he could stop it.

Shion placed her hands on her hips. "So these are_ supposed _to be real?" she questioned hauntingly. Without permission Shion squeezed one of Naruto's breasts. Naruto squeaked and moved away. Shion wrinkled her nose in distaste. "That felt…real…"

"Because they_ are_ real!" Naruto shouted impatiently. She exposed her breast to make her point.

Sasuke and Kiba had no problems about being flashed while Sakura howled. "STOP FLASHING YOURSELF BAKA! WE GET THE POINT ALREADY!"

"Sure, as long as Shion understands too" Naruto said as she zipped her shirt back up.

Shion frowned. Still not willing to believe Naruto she said, "I've heard of man breast but this is utterly ridiculous—"

"Hate to be the one to tell you, Shion-sama, but there's no way you're getting sperm out of Naruto. Maybe eggs but no little soldiers" Tsunade said. She was leaning against the doorway with her arms folded under her fat breast. "What Naruto said was all true…sorry but you have to sire your heirs with another"

Shion clenched her hands. This was a catastrophe!!! "I'll still get _them_ out of you somehow!" she hissed savagely at Naruto. Staring at Naruto with a heated leveled glare she stormed out of the room. Suddenly a surprised squeak was heard.

"Watch where you're going!" Shion snapped even though she was the one who ran into that person.

"S-sorry!!" the girl apologized.

"Are you okay Hinata?" Tsunade asked as she watched Shion exit the building.

When Naruto heard the heiress name she rushed out the room. "Sorry about Shion, she has her undies in a bunch, are you okay, Hinata-chan?"

"I'm fine, Naruto-kun"

"So…" Naruto trailed hesitantly. "You heard…everything?"

Hinata pressed her fingers together. With a pretty blush reddening her face, she answered, "P-pretty much…"

"So…" Sasuke said causally. "You agreed to sire Shion's offspring?"

Naruto growled. "It was an accident, bastard! She was going on and on about helping her line continues on if a threat of another demon tries to rule the world!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Sounds obvious to me. You are so dense"

"Shuddup!" Naruto shouted. "I thought she meant _protecting _not fathering her children!"

"If you were still a male, would you do it?" Sasuke found himself asking the question before he could stop himself.

Naruto answered with a reluctant yes. "Even if I didn't understand the request I had agreed to it. My word is pretty much like a contract signed in blood"

"A bit extreme is it?" Kiba asked with his eyes wide.

Naruto sent the dog user a leveled look. "Kiba, I grew up an orphan…I owned nothing of value. No clan and only had the clothes on my back. The only thing that I could invest in was my integrity…my word as a person. When I became a ninja of the village hidden in the leaves it became my nindo!" Naruto pumped her clutched fist into the air. "Because my word is the most valuable thing I have—I will **never** back down or change my mind! And that's a promise!"

Sakura, Tsunade, Kiba, Hinata and Sasuke stared at Naruto. What she said was truly inspirational. A good name had its weight in gold and it was something Sasuke had learned only recently through the pass three years. While he was in jail, he had a lot to think about…restoring the tarnish name of the Uchiha clan was one of them.

"W-would you marry S-Shion?" Hinata asked.

Naruto thought for a moment. "Probably not. I'm in Fire country, she's in Demon Country. The distance would have strained our relationship—however" she paused. "I would have made sure the kid knew me and that he or she was loved and welcomed, even over the miles"

Hinata smiled shyly. "You would h-have been a good f-father" she said honestly.

"Thanks Hinata"

"_Would have_, keywords" Kiba mentioned. "Now she has to settle on being a mommy! Ha-ha!"

"True" Naruto sighed. "But the question is who should sire _my_ kids"

"Sooo…" Kiba said, smoothly, throwing his arm around Naruto's shoulder. "Whattca doing tonight, Naruto-chan?" he asked with a playful smile.

Everyone sweat-dropped. Sasuke had a look that could kill.

'_The poor brat…She has to beat these boys off with a stick!' _Tsunade thought with an amused look on her face. "She'll be preparing for a mission, tonight. In fact all four of you will; minus Hinata—if you want to take it" she said.

Naruto knocked Kiba aside as she rushed up to Tsunade. "You got a mission for us!?" she asked excitedly. "Is it dangerous?!"

Tsunade nodded with glint in her eye. "Very"

"YES!" Naruto cheered, throwing her hands in the air as if she just won the lottery.

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—**TBC—**

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**CM:** There's one more rant below. DO NOT READ if you hate spoilers…scroll pass it quickly.

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**CM:** Wow, Danzo has the sharingan. Guys…do you think Danzo is Obito or Madara's suppose-to-be dead brother? I thought Madara was supposed to be the Mizukage not some chick (who seems to be a man-hater). Maybe he was the former Kage (maybe the one who had that nasty graduation requirement). And Sakura pissed me off. When Cloud Ninjas told Naruto, Sakura and Sai about Sasuke's naughty acts—Sakura broke down and cried. _**Cried**__. _What a weakling! **PA**…**THE**…**TIC**… And Sakura is supposed to be the leading female character?!

Kisimoto had truly _**FAILED**_ on making strong female characters in Naruto. The only ones decent enough are Temari, Tenten, Tsume Inuzuka, Hana Inuzuka and Hinata. And they are all supporting characters! Oh, Ino is so-so. I even like her better than Sakura. Ino seems to be over Sasuke and has matured.

One more thing—Hinata nearly died trying to save Naruto and so far Naruto isn't seen again with Hinata in the manga! Instead they showed him several chapters with Sakura following the Pein invasion. Look…only Sakura fans cares about that! I want more Naruto/Hinata! Screw pinky.

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	11. Welcome to division 1116

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**CM:** Hello. Sorry for not updating but I got off track. Seriously, the bathhouse thing was something I made up at the last minute. This chapter is really what I had planned for nearly a year ago. I pulled it at the last minute because I thought it would be offensive but then I decided to go ahead and post it because you deserve an ending. I can't leave this hanging. There's other stuff I want to write but I can't move forward until I complete this.

Warning though, this chapter won't be funny as the rest of them but it's a necessary stepping stone to get to the finish line.

To understand this chapter go RE-READ THE END OF CHAPTER 10.

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**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto get's turned into a girl and now the men are starting to see Kohana's loudest ninja in a new light…poor, poor Naruto.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

**-**

**Chapter 11: **Welcome to division 1116

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After getting the details later, Naruto wasn't cheering at all. "So let me get this straight, hag" Naruto stated as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "You want us to find a striper in the middle of the Suna country's biggest city, Sunayama?"

"Yes"

"Then shouldn't the hunter nins be placed on this assignment?"

Tsunade shrugged. "Well that's the thing, they all failed"

Sakura was taken aback. "What?"

"I've sent several teams of hunters…all of them came back empty handed. My head tracker, Tsume Inuzuka, believes she's dead…"

"Hey, I remember that!" Kiba spoke up. "My mom was assigned to that mission two years ago. She managed to find a scent but then it just disappeared around the border of Suna. Rosawa, the land of quick sand, to be exact"

Tsunade nodded. "Correct"

Naruto was now annoyed. "And why are you giving us a doomed to fail assignment?"

"Because you are Uzumaki Naruto: Kohana's loudest and most unpredictable ninja. Kiba Inuzuka, my future head tracker. Uchiha Sasuke, the willful, stiff-necked bastard and Haruno Sakura: my mini-me—that's why!"

Everyone looked awed and inspired expect for Sasuke. The willful, stiff-necked bastard? That's the nicest thing she could say about him? Ouch… So she was obviously still mad about putting Chidori threw her adopted godchild's chest after all these years.

"I expect to have Arika Komage tied up and in my office within a month? Got it?" Tsunade asked.

"Yes!"

"Naruto leads"

"YIPEEEE!" Naruto cheered as she began to do a jig.

"…Dear Kami help us all!" Kiba mumbled. Sakura agreed.

"Dismissed!"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

A few days later, Team Naruto was sitting comfortably in an inn room they rented out in Sunayama. They sat in a circle on the floor with classified files spread out on the ground.

"Wow, she's kinda hot" Kiba admitted as he looked at the photo of the flies. Arika was quite a looker with long red hair and bright amethyst eyes. She also had high cheek bones, dimples and a rather devilish smile.

"Tall too" Naruto remarked. She whistled. "6'1; a giantess!"

"Arika Komage emigrated from the Land of Horses at age ten…" Sakura read aloud. "Joined the Kohana academy that same year and graduated at age thirteen. Was student of a medic-nin named Nabaki Kuno. Passed the chunin exams on the third try and specialized in medical techniques and genjutsu…"

"Found guilty of assisting Orochimaru in forbidden experimentations on human transmutations. Escaped from the Leaf prison six years ago during the Sand/Sound Invasion. Last seen in Winoloa, dancing at a night club. Hunter nins chased her to the quicksand pits of Rosawa—where they later lost her chakra signature" Sasuke finished reading aloud.

"So…" Naruto said. "The trackers think she just fell into quick sand and died? What a way to go out!"

Kiba shrugged. "It could happen…" He tapped her photo again. "They just gave up the search last year. If we find Arika it would look good on our records" Kiba grinned a determined smile. "Let's nail the whore!"

"But where should even begin to look? Even if she somehow managed to elude hunter nins, there's no guarantee we will find her!" Sakura whined.

Naruto rolled her eyes. "Sakura you all people should know habits are hard to die—"

"Like the way you pig out on ramen?" Sakura suggested.

"Or the like the way you're obsessed with the bastard?" Naruto responded, pointing a finger at Sasuke.

Sasuke snorted at the understatement.

"Point taken, so what's your point?" Sakura inquired.

"Same with Arika…if she survived the quicksand she would depend on her old profession"

"Meaning?" Sakura asked with raised eyebrows. "Because I don't think it would—"

Naruto held up her hands. "Sakura, shut up and think for a moment. If you want to catch a striper then _think_ like a striper. If you were a missing nin with a drop dead gorgeous body what would you do?"

Kiba grinned. "Naruto, I like the way you think"

Everyone but Naruto rolled their eyes. Naruto didn't catch the double meaning and beamed at the praise.

Sakura looked discouraged. "But I already checked the clubs in Sunayama…"

Naruto sent her a perverted foxy grin. "Did you check the underground clubs?" she asked as she wiggled her finger back and forth in her face.

"Now I _really_ like the way you think!" Kiba commended.

"Underground?" Sakura questioned carefully. Sasuke blinked. Naruto got her answer.

"Yeah" Naruto said as if she was talking to a kid. "Remember that two and a half year training trip I took with the pervy sage?"

Sakura nodded.

"Well heh, thanks to the old goat I know where all of the underground houses are, if pervy sage was alive he would be proud" Naruto said, nodding to herself. "The underground club in Suna is called Division 1116. No ID needed. It's such a secret that the only ones who know where to find it find it! We'll check there first by asking for a job"

Sakura's face faulted. Underground prostitutes were something she could have lived without knowing.

_**A few hours Later…**_

"I can't believe you talked me into this!" Sakura said heatedly. She stared down at herself. She was dressed in a tight red mini dress with high heels.

"Think positive, Sakura-chan!" Naruto said encouragingly. She herself was dressed in a mini shorts and a snug fitting tank top.

"Think _modesty_! All because you don't care about flashing your body around doesn't mean I don't!

Naruto rolled her baby blue eyes. "Geeze okay. Then be my agent or something" she negotiated.

"DEAL!" Sakura agreed quickly. She grabbed her normal clothes from a nearby chair and hurried into the bathroom to change.

Naruto turned to Sasuke and Kiba. "Okay teme, Kiba. Make sure to be at the club around 8. I'll come by and tell you the information we've gathered."

"How should we meet up?" Sasuke asked.

"Just sit at one of the tables and while I pass by ask for a lap dance or something—"

"NARUTO!" Sakura screeched from within the bathroom.

"Then can I take the lap dance?" Kiba asked hopefully. Growing a tad too excited over the idea.

"No!" Sasuke snapped a little too quickly.

Naruto rolled her eyes again. "I don't care _whose_ lap I sit on. But if either of you two try to get fresh I'll castrate you!" she threatened. Kiba and Sasuke inwardly flinched. "Oh and remember to stick the bills in-between my boobs okay—"

"Naruto stop saying perverted things!" Sakura shouted again through the door.

"You want to take my place, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked tiredly. "All you have to do is dance on stage. Avoid wavering hands of perverts and walk around in a costume two sizes too small with a thong up your butt"

That shut upped pinky.

"Hey Naruto…" Kiba said suddenly.

Naruto turned back to look at him. "What?"

Looking at the ground rather than her face Kiba reached into his pocket and pulled out a wrapped bundle. "Before you go I wanted to give you something…Here!" He tossed it to her.

Blinking, Naruto unwrapped the cloth it to reveal a glass bracelet with a sharp ended ornament dangling from it.

"It's a good luck charm that is suppose to grant safety and all that stuff" Kiba explained with his face still turned away.

Naruto tapped the sharp ornament gently with her finger. "It looks more like a hazard" she remarked. "Do you believe in it…?"

Kiba shrugged crossing his arms. "The magic depends on the person, Naruto" he answered.

Naruto's face brightened. "Okay then. I'll consider it my lucky charm!" Naruto cheered before clipping it onto her arm. She was about to thank Kiba, but the dog user had disappeared quickly into the bathroom right when Sakura came out. "Ready, Naruto?" medic-nin asked.

"…yeah" Naruto said.

Sakura gave Sasuke a hug and a peck on his cheek before leaving the hotel with Naruto. As they walked away Sakura noticed Naruto staring at a bracelet on her arm with a slight blush on her cheeks.

"When did you get that armlet?" Sakura asked.

Naruto jumped, her blush darkening. "K-Kiba gave it to me just now…he said it was a good luck charm"

Sakura was shocked at first but then giggled. "Narutooooo" she singed sweetly.

"What?"

"It seems like you got a boyfriend…tee-hee so cute!"

"H-he's not m-my b-boyfriend!" Naruto stuttered horribly.

"No?" Sakura pinched Naruto's cheek. "Heh, heh! It's a shame because you two would make such a cute couple!"

"Hey, no teasing!"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"Welcome ladies! I am Akira Honzoku, the owner of club Division 1116. I take it you must be a returning customer…Only the ones who know where to find it, finds it" he said smoothly. He was a tall, lanky man dressed in a violet colored business suit. His red hair fell to his shoulders. It was curly and looked soft to touch. His eyes matched his suit and sparkled with alertness and mischief.

Sakura breath got hitched in her throat. She felt a blush creep up on her face. Her boyfriend Sasuke was hot but this man was drop dead gorgeous! Naruto on the other hand was not so impressed. They way Akira was seated with his legs crossed and hands in lap…It was just too feminine. Perhaps it was discriminating to say but he almost seemed gay…

Naruto spoke up since Sakura looked smitten. "I was brought here by Jiraiya-sama a few years back. I need some money so I'm looking for an opening position here. I'm Naru—"

Sakura snapped out of her infatuation. _'No don't give out your name!' _she thought desperately.

"-ko! Naruko Arashi! And this—" Naruko motioned to Sakura. "—is my agent, Harumaki Momono"

Sakura raised an eyebrow. '_Spring circle of peaches? Weird name...'_

Akira didn't spare Sakura a glance. "A pleasure to meet you, Arashi-san. Jiraiya-sama was one of my best customers, shame he never came back…do you know what became of him?"

"He passed away a few years ago in rain country I believe. It's a shame…"

Akira clucked his tongue in distaste. "A shame in deed! My girls were waiting for him to come back around. He was quite a spendthrift in our parlors!" Akira leaned forward more a fascinated now. "Here in this club we offer only the best. How much experience do you have?"

"Well... Not much" Naruto faking a blush.

Akira ran his hand through his scarlet hair. "It's fine, as long as you're easy to break and train" he said with a sly smile.

Sakura flinched at the 'break' part. Not really wanting to know the hidden mean behind that.

"Now for your test. You must stripped down to your underwear and perform a dance on that pole" Akira motioned a pole to his left wrapped in a furry purple scarf. "Depending on your presentation, I may or may not hire you" he said coolly.

Naruto gulped. She really needed to get this job for insider information. With a look of determination she unbuttoned her shorts…

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Meanwhile Sasuke and Kiba were still waiting at the hotel for darkness to fall. Through the last two hours Sasuke watched Kiba pace around the room. He had found it tiresome after a while.

"Stop pacing" Sasuke said duly. "Sit boy"

"Fuck you Uchiha" Kiba snapped without breaking his walk. "This just feels wrong…" he said suddenly. "I mean whoring our comrades out like this…"

Sasuke didn't like the idea of it either. "Naruto and Sakura are both konoichi of exceptionally high skill. They can take care of themselves" he answered firmly. "Besides, the true art of the Konoichi is seduction. Why do you think the ranks of special nins are koinoichi? They use their sexuality in order to get the job done. I'm not proud of it and things have improved from the old days but it is what it is" Sasuke said flatly.

Kiba nodded. "Yeah you're right. Even my own sister had to seduce a village headman just to get to the medical vault" he narrowed his eyes slightly. "Don't go spreading it around though"

"Don't worry" Sasuke said flatly, feeling more relaxed. Besides Kiba's romantic advances on Naruto, he felt as though he could tolerate the Inuzuka. "If it makes you feel better my own mother had to go under cover in a harem. That was before my parents married of course" he narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Don't go spreading it around if you value your life"

"As long as you return the favor"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"Are you sure you are not experienced?" Akira asked. He was hypnotized by Naruto's grace and overall sexiness.

Naruto untangled herself from the pole. The furry scarf draped over her shoulders. Her hair had fallen into her face. Naruto took her hand and brushed it out of the way, revealing a seductive smile. "Jiraiya-sama has taught me well"

Akira walked over and caressed her heart shaped face. "And so he has, may Kami rest his soul" He trailed his thumb over Naruto's cheeks. "You will be a great moneymaker if you keep up the charm. Welcome to Division 1116, Cuddle Muffin and—" he looked over his shoulder right at Sakura. "—Sweet strawberry"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

It was a few hours before show time. Sakura was busy helping Naruto with final arrangements. Surprisingly most of the girls were nice and supportive of each other. A few even helped her with Naruto's preparations. Of course there were a few snobs but they were easily ignored, expect one…

Sakura had wandered to over three stands looking for cotton candy colored lip gloss. While passing another counter she spotted a whole collection of lip sticks. While smiling she plucked an unused stick of rosy pink from the tray.

"That's mine you know" a haughty voice said behind her.

Sakura turned around to come face to face with a black haired girl dressed in a black leathery bunny suit, complete with fuzzy bunny ears on top and a wooly round tail attached at the rear. "Oh, sorry" Sakura said. "May I borrow this for a moment?"

"No" the bunny woman said. "If you were really are a manager, a _good_ manager, you would have brought your own accessories"

"Well I didn't, again I'm sorry Miss…" Sakura trailed.

"Snuggle Bunny" the woman answered. "Don't forget it, trash"

"Hey!" Sakura said indignantly. "It was an honest mistake. You have to result to name calling?"

"You really are ticking me off, Harumaki-san" Snuggle Bunny pulled out her whip. "You need a lesson to teach how to address your superior!" she lashed out. Sakura was about to deflect it and defend herself when Naruto jumped in.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted as he grabbed the whip in mid-air. "Harumaki, are you okay?" she asked Sakura. The undercover joinin nodded. Naruto then glared at Snuggle Bunny before throwing back the whip. "Don't be hasty!" she warned.

"Oh it's you, the new girl. Your nickname is Cuddle…?" Snuggle raised her eyebrows.

"Muffin. Cuddle Muffin" Naruto answered. "If you want a catfight, we'll take it outside!"

"Oh no, no fighting is allowed. Especially before show-time, it's Akira-sama's orders. I just simply want you and your manager to remember your place, you grunts—"

"That's rather hypocritical of you since you were the one to start the fight, Snuggle Bunny" a girl said suddenly. Walking up in a revealing pink and red, striped tiger costume, she glared at Snuggle. "They're new so cut the girls some slack, kay?"

"Of course Crimson Tigress" Snuggle Bunny said reluctantly. She was about to say something else but a hostess called her name, asking for assistance. "I must excuse myself" she said pleasantly. She snuck in another glare at Naruto before huffing away.

Sakura breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks" she told Crimson Tigress.

"Sorry about that. Snuggle is a bit of a jealous girl. Right hand girl of Akira-sama for years" Crimson said. Then she smirked. "Doesn't want to be replaced"

"Is she only mean to us or is she like that with everyone?" Naruto asked angrily.

"That Snuggle 'Slut' butts heads with everyone —especially those she consider competition" Crimson Tigress explained. "I expect great things from you Cuddle Muffin, best of luck" she turned and left.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Without their headbands on, Kiba and Sasuke entered Division 1116 at 7:54pm. The Hostess was wearing a short fluffy dress that reminded them of a cloud. After paying an entry fee the two were escorted to a table. A moment later another girl dressed as a skimpy looking fairy came by with a tray full of muffins and cupcakes.

"What's up with the pastries?" Kiba asked.

"For tonight only we are handing out, free cupcakes and muffins in honor of our new star!" She answered sweetly. She winked and went to serve the next table. After Kiba saw her randomly pass out cakes to everyone, he gingerly sniffed his before taking a bite out of it.

"Mmmm. It's pretty good, try one, Sasuke"

"I don't have a sweet tooth" Sasuke answered before pushing his treat to Kiba.

Right an 8 o' clock the announcer came over the intercom. "Good evening and welcome to Division 1116; your secret sector for pleasure!"

Kiba snorted, "Corny"

Sasuke didn't argue that.

"…now if you please, give a warm welcome our newest lady, Cuuuudle Muffffin!"

"Cuddle Muffin? Kinda of weird but has a sexy feel to it" Kiba whispered.

Sasuke didn't give a damn about cuddles and muffins. He just wanted to see Naruto. "How long do we have to wait before we get to see Naruto perform?" he asked impatiently.

Kiba sent him a blank look. "Dude, for the fourth time: YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND"

"It's not about that" Sasuke snarled. "I just want to gather information and get out of here"

"Yeaaaaah I bet—shit! Naruto's onstage! She's Cuddle Muffin? No way!"

The curtain completely lifted off the stage. Revealing a girl dressed almost like a cupcake. Her pink corset with multi-colored jewels sewn into her white fluffy collar to symbolize sprinkles. White thigh high boots. Smooth evenly tanned skin and hypnotizing blue eyes had set the whole picture off.

Naruto bit down into the cupcake. "Mmmmm!" she moaned. Several men fainted, passing out with nosebleeds. The men roared with anticipation. Some of the other entertainers looked amused or jealous at all the attention the new girl was getting.

Kiba howled in ecstasy.

Sasuke squirmed in his seat trying to stay as stoical as possible. He had to remind himself that Sakura was somewhere nearby watching him and had to look as uninterested as possible.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Akira was sitting in the balcony. He smiled fondly at the scene below him. His customers were taking a liking to her. Good. "She's going to bring in a lot of money…" he said happily. "It's not often we find natural blondes with hourglass figures like that, lucky us"

Snuggle Bunny held in a snort. She crossed her arms over her breast. "Yes. However there's something about Naruko-san…" she hissed with narrowed eyes.

"About what?" he asked disinterestedly.

"Something is amiss about her, sir. I don't know why but I have a feeling you shouldn't have hired her so easily…"

"I know" Akira said off-handedly. He was currently hypnotized by Naruto's dancing. "Naruko's not as experienced as I would like but she has a great body and charisma"

The assistant rolled her eyes. "Get your head out of her crouch and _think_! I meant that she could be a spy!"

Akira shook his head. "I don't think so Ayama-chan. I've had my share of ninjas and she's not one of them"

Snuggle Bunny licked her lips. "Why sir?"

Hearing the neediness in her voice, Akira turned to her with a smile. "My…are you jealous, Snuggle Bunny?" Akira asked. "I did name you that for a reason you know…" he gave her a small hug and rubbed his cheek against her's.

Ayama huffed and turned away so Akira couldn't see her blush.

"I can always make time for my faithful rabbit—"

Ayama pulled out of Akira's grip. "Answer the question, sir!" she demanded.

"Well from my observations she's not very bright or vigilant. In fact I estimate that her attention span is shorter than a tree frog's!" Akira said with all seriousness. "Now that pinkette on the other hand, Sweet Strawberry…I think she may be more than her agent…" Akira slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a kunai needle. "…why don't you answer yourself, Harumaki Momono!" he threw the kunai so fast the average human eye couldn't catch it.

A squeal was heard and then a thud a second later. The assistant gaped as her master exited the balcony seat and pulled back the curtain revealing Sakura. She was lying on the ground with the needle stuck in her neck, paralyzed, unable to speak or move.

Akira knelled down next to her. "If that's your real name of course" he patted Sakura's cheek.

'_This man…'_ Sakura thought. _'…he is no ordinary civilian!'_

To under stand pressure points, chakra control and to aim that needle so precisely he had to be a…

Ayama looked furious. "What she's—"

"My guess is that Pinky here used our little Miss. Arashi to get access to my club" Akira answered. "Now I just want to know if she's a ninja of the hidden leaf or of the hidden sand…after all I'm wanted in both"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"Will you marry me!?" shouted a man.

"No because she's gonna be my woman!"

A man waved a 10,000 yen note. "Hey Cuddle Muffin! Come cuddle with me!"

"Only 10,000? Ptff!" another guy scorned. "Hell, I'll pay 50,000 yen!

"Yo sprinkles, how about a kiss!"

"Let's elope, baby!" one offered. "An all paid trip to the Caribbean! How that sounds?"

"Hey, I asked her first!" the first man shouted indignantly.

A man groped Naruto from behind and began to rub her buttocks. "She's mine! Isn't that right darling?"

Naruto playfully smacked the man off her. "Tee-hee! You silly!" she giggled. _'TOUCH ME AGAIN AND I'LL RIP OFF YOUR HANDS!'_ she inwardly bellowed.

Sasuke and Kiba wanted to go over there and kill all of those perverts. How dare they treat Naruto in such a manner—oh they forgot, Naruto or rather _Naruko_ is an exotic entertainer and it's her job to be sexually molested.

Kiba downed a few drinks to calm down, pass the time and blend in. He sweet talked a few passing girls trying to rack up information. Unfortunately nothing said was valuable for the mission. Sasuke meanwhile nursed his drink, growling at a few girls who offered him free lap dances or free drinks. Tch women…

Kiba took his eyes off Naruto when a busty girl offered to perform a belly dance for 2,000 yen. Sasuke however never took his eyes off Naruto for a second. Everything about her was hypnotizing. The way her pink corset sparkled in the stage lights or how her hefty breast bounced each time she shook them. The way she swayed her hips in perfect rhythm made Sasuke's heart race and that seductive smile with wild crystal blue eyes. Sasuke wanted her completely to himself. Never did he have these urges for any other girl. Now he knew…he _**had**_ to make Naruto his.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Sakura screamed as another wave of stinging pain slash onto her back. She was currently tied upside down from a ceiling in a padded room with chakra draining cuffs on her wrist and ankles. Snuggle Bunny had been given the greatest honor of giving Sakura fifty lashes on her back from her whip.

"Who do you think you are, you little twit?" Snuggle yelled. "Coming into Akira-sama's parlor!?" she struck Sakura again. Sakura merely shivered, feeling too weak to fight back now.

Akira held up his hand. "That's enough Ayama, leave her be"

Snuggle Bunny huffed. Reluctantly she rolled up her whip. "You are no fun, Akira-sama" she whined.

Akira raised an eyebrow. "I'm not?" he asked seductively.

Snuggle giggled. "Tee-hee, you know what I mean, sir"

"You may go" Akira said. "Oh, and tell Naruko to end her shift early and report to my office"

Snuggle Bunny's lips went thin. "Yes sir" she replied tightly and treaded heavily out of the room.

Causally Akira strolled up to Sakura. "Ready to talk, Sweet Strawberry?"

Sakura narrowed her emerald eyes at him. "There's nothing……nothing to tell you" Sakura stated weakly.

Akira sighed. He was really hoping she wouldn't be difficult. It was always easy if a woman submitted willingly.

"You are a koinochi of a hidden village. That I know…but who hired you? I'm willing to pay you off rather than kill you to be honest" he said. "I'll triple the offer, whatever your employee paid you. In return I will release you and you return to your village saying you found no trace of me"

Sakura's mind was buzzing, should she play along? Obviously Akira was giving her more credit that it was wroth. Sakura didn't suspect ANYTHING of Akira until now. She was just simply passing by when she overheard his assistant talking about Naruto—or Naruko. Thinking their cover was about to blown she eased into the room to listen. How did Akira know she was there shocked her. Akira was defiantly a skilled Ninja. Probably an S-ranked rouge nin from either the Kohana or Suna.

"Well?" Akira pressed again.

"…" Sakura hesitated before answering. "How do I know this accord will be kept?"

"Am a man of my word" Akira answered simply. "And we both would have so much to lose…if we should turn on each other but so much more to gain if work together"

Sakura remained silent.

Akira glanced down at this watch. "I'll let you think about it. You have till dawn. Seriously though; take my offer. It's better than death I assure you" he said and left.

-

—**TBC—**

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**CM:** if you guys are wondering why Akira didn't kill Sakura is because he didn't want investigators and other shinobi coming after him if their comrade didn't come/report back.

There's one more rant below. DO NOT READ if you hate spoilers…

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**CM:** Once again I'm really disappointed in Sakura. At first my respect grew for her when she planned to kill Sasuke but then she weakened at the last minute. Worst thing, the dude tried without hesitation to kill her TWICE in one chapter. So you Sasuke/Sakura fans: GIVE IT UP. IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN.

I now officially lost respect for her. She's a total waste of space. Again she has burdened Naruto. And this time she knows Naruto will basically commit suicide with Sasuke in order to stop him and she's content to just let it happen because she can't handle the idea of killing Sasuke. Worthless. She's such a bad friend. Naruto deserves so much more!

Oh and by the way she nearly KILLED Naruto with her poison Kunai that was meant for Sasuke when Naruto snatched her away from Sasuke. Ahhhh, why couldn't Naruto have been five minutes late for once…? Sasuke would've finished off Sakura by then!

For some reason I'm glad Karin is still alive....why? I don't know. I'm glad Kisame is too because the fight between him and Killer Bee was LAME (funny: Kisame get's dumped by his sword…heheh) but lame. So I hope the next one will be great.

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	12. What happened that night

**.**

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto get's turned into a girl and now the men are starting to see Kohana's loudest ninja in a new light…poor, poor Naruto.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

**Chapter 12:** What happened that night

**..._...**

**..**

It was nearing midnight when the club_ really_ started to buzz. Apparently the real party animals didn't come out to play early and Naruto was near exhaustion even though she couldn't show it. She passed by her teammates table as obliviously as possible until one of them, Kiba, yelled out to her.

"Yo, Cuddle Muffin, come cuddle with me for 20000 yen!"

"Just for you then, tee-hee!" Naruto said cheerily as she sat down on Kiba's lap. Sasuke eye twitched but for the sake of the mission he had let it go.

"So, found anything out?" Kiba asked.

Naruto huffed. "No! Dry as a bone. None of the girls here matched the description"

Kiba sighed. "Were you able to dig up anything on the manager, then?"

"Dunno much…he's defiantly not the same dude, I've met when pery-sage came here six years ago…even though he claims he knew Jiraiya…weird" Naruto shifted into a different position on Kiba's lap. "The girls here say he only been here, two years"

"Hn. Isn't that around the same time Arika disappeared?" Sasuke said thoughtfully.

"Yeah…now that you mention it. It is" Kiba said.

"So as I was saying…" Naruto continued. "Is it possible that he's related to Arika Komage? I mean he could be her twin!"

"Maybe…" Kiba said, not out ruling Naruto's idea. "It _was _two years ago is when Mom lost Arika's scent…I wonder…" Kiba lean in close to Naruto's ear. "Get close to him and try to figure him out, we'll come back tomorrow night"

"No, come back tonight…I'll leave the back door open so you can search the area for clues if you want"

"Okay" Kiba said. "And Naruto, one last thing…please, please be safe. This mission means nothing if anything happens to you"

"Oh you forgot…" she rattled her bracelet. "I'm covered—"

"Oi, Cuddle Muffin!" The three of them turned to see a pissed looking Snuggle bunny glaring in their direction. "Finish up with our customer and come with me!" she ordered. "Your shift ends after that!"

"Isn't it early?" Naruto asked.

"It's Akira-sama's orders!" Snuggle Bunny said. "Now hurry up!"

"Well… now that we met the star it's time to hit the nest!" Kiba said, excusing himself. "Let's blow this popsicle stand, Sasuke"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Snuggle Bunny growled as she totaled up the money Naruto had brought in that night, 297,000 yen in one night—no…only _half _of the night since she ended her shift early. Impressive…it even broke her record of 262,000 for opening night. Snuggle felt herself burn with rage.

Naruto took a few wise steps away from her. Snuggle's aura was on fire! She looked as though she could light up into a combustion at any moment.

"Stay here, Akira-sama will be with you shortly" Snuggle said and exited the room muttering something that sound suspiciously like 'stupid air-headed bitch'.

"Geeze that girl has issues…" Naruto muttered under her breath. Now alone to do as she pleased, Naruto began to quietly explore the office. Starting with the papers on Akira's desk but nothing retaining to the mission could be found. Suddenly the door swung open. Quickly closing the drawer she was looking into, Naruto looked up and laid back into the desk chair.

"Hi, Akira!" Naruto greeted her boss cheerfully.

Akira walked into the room with a pleasant smile of his own. "Good morning, Cuddle muffin"

"What are you doing behind Akira-sama's desk, you twit!" Snuggle Bunny asked furiously.

"Nothing, tee-hee!"

"Nothing my—"

"Enough" Akira said with a wave of his hand. He then ordered, "Go keep Pinky company"

Snuggle fumed. "Yes sir" she growled out as she left. Making sure to slam the door behind her.

Naruto pulled a face. "Man, what's her problem?"

"Nothing in particular" Akira said pleasantly.

"So…Akira-sama!" Naruto said as she smiled sweetly. "Why did you summon me tonight?"

A perverted smile crawled up on Akira's face. "I make a point to get to know all my girls personally; you see…an official welcome here at Division 1116…"

"Okay! Let's make it into a game of ask! That's fun!" Naruto said eagerly.

Akira blinked. "…Excuse me?"

"You know…you ask questions I say yes or no—it's fun"

Akira stared at her for a moment before he held back his head and laughed. It was a hearty roar. "By Kami you crack me up with your innocence!" Akira said. He wiped a tear from his eye. "It's irresistibly cute!"

Naruto grinned. Not completely sure what Akira meant but as she learned from her youth—a smile goes a long way.

"So...you like games, eh?" Akira asked with a lecherous smile. She licked her lips. "Let's play cat and mouse then…hehehehehehehehe…" Akira began to undress by pulling off his jacket.

"I…I don't think I'll like that game" Naruto trailed.

Akira waved her off. "You will, all my girls do! Here in Division 1116 we satisfy the lust of men but among us women, we help settle each other. I personally see to it that our sexual needs are met"

"What…what did you just say…?" Naruto asked. She wasn't sure if she was hearing things or not.

Akira blinked. "You mean the club, the girls or reference to myself?" he asked.

"…the last one" Naruto said.

"Well yeah, I make sure your needs are meet" Akira repeated, looking confused. Deciding to be frank she explained, "I thought that was the reason why you came to Division 1116. You see, including myself we are all girls who like girls but won't hesitate to take easy money from idiotic men"

"…so you are referring that you are a…a…girl?" Naruto asked incredulously.

"You can't tell baby-doll?" Akira asked surprised. Akira opened his shirt a bit to reveal A-size cup breast. "Of course I'm a girl…all my girls know that…um hello?" Akira asked as she saw the brain dead look on Naruto's face.

Naruto blinked.

Akira waited.

Naruto blinked again.

Akira pursed her lips.

Naruto was beginning to turn an unhealthy shade of white.

Akira raised her eyebrow. "…Naruko-chan?"

That's when Naruto freaked. "GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Kiba and Sasuke were on their way out when suddenly Kiba halted and inhaled deeply. "Wait, hold up man…I smell blood!"

Sasuke was only half-interested. "Who's?" he asked.

Kiba nearly snorted. "Sasuke, who's charka do you sense?"

Sasuke glared at the dog master. Could the mutt just answer his question? With a sigh he focused his chakra to search out familiar signatures. "…Sakura…Naruto and—what the_ hell_ is Naruto doing so close with Akira!" he snapped crudely.

"_What?"_ Kiba asked incredulously. "I thought Naruto wasn't that type to—anyway we gotta get to Sakura first!" he grabbed a fist full of Sasuke's kimono and pulled the raven haired along. "The blood I smelled was hers—Yip!" Kiba yelped as Sasuke yanked his collar and pulled him around.

"WHERE? WHICH DIRECTION?"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Akira stared at Naruto. The poor girl seemed to be in some sort of coma. Lifting a finger Akira rubbed it in her ringing ear as she waited. It didn't take long. As Naruto recovered, she yelled, "YOU'RE A GIRL? AREN'T YOU A MAN WHO LIKES TO CROSSDRESS OR SOMETHING?"

Akira cleared her throat. "No I'm a girl, baby-doll. I experimented on myself to natural produce high levels of testosterone…It altered my chakra a little but frankly I'm still the same… So what's the problem?"

"YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN!" Naruto shouted.

"_So_?" Akira asked again. Now becoming a little tired of this.

"SO?_ SO_?" Naruto screeched. "SO WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN WHEN YOU'RE REALLY A GIRL?"

Akira shrugged. "I just happen to like dressing up as man. Besides doing so, it has kept people from following me…"

"Following you…?" Suddenly everything became crystal clear. "Wait…no way—your Arika! Aren't you? Arika Komage! The wanted s-ranked criminal!" Naruto yelped.

How could she have been so blind! No wonder she thought Akira was just too feminine—it's because he was really a SHE. Not to mention Arika is Akira spelled backwards!

"Ah, it's been a while since someone has called me that…not a good thing for you, Cuddle Muffin" Arika shifted. "Listen…I know that that manager of yours is a fake. She's a ninja from a hidden village who tried to use you"

Naruto Blanched. Arika still didn't know she that was a shinobi too? It was kind of degrading but at least it gave her the upper hand. Naruto placed on her best 'hurt-scared-and-clueless' face. She sobbed loudly. Tears rolled down her cheeks. "Sa—I mean Harumaki-chan u-used m-m-m-me…!"

"I'm afraid so" Arika said. She reached into her breast pocket and pulled out a tissue and handed it to Naruto. "But its okay Naruko, listen, just swear your allegiance to me and you can remain here"

Naruto blew her nose. "B-But what about Harumaki-chan?" she sniffled cutely.

Arika shrugged indifferently. "If she doesn't accept my offer by dawn…she will die" Arika thought for a moment. "You know, second thought I will revoke my offer completely, she has too much spirit left in her. She would most likely turn on me…It's decided then. For caution, I will do away with her"

Naruto glared, so much for staying undercover. "That I cannot allow, Arika! You are hereby under arrest by the Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf!"

Arika stared at Naruko for a moment before breaking out into giggles. "How cute, lying and acting so brave! Quite a turn on too!" Arika pinched Naruto's cheek.

Naruto was now officially offended. "I'm not joking, you idiot!"

Arika seemed not to notice what Naruto had said as she eased forward for a kiss only to receive a sharp punch in the face. Arika stumbled back a little holding her nose. Arika had been struck before by people through all walks of life. This hit was from a shinobi. Such power and force was not common among civilians.

"Ah! You are not ordinary…Hm. Apologies, Arashi-chan. It seems I underestimated you!" Arika said to Naruto.

Naruto smirked "I'd say—EKKKK!" Arika had taken advantage of Naruto's dropped guard. She had looped her arms around Naruto's and sent her backwards, landing square on her head, her rear in the air. Arika felt herself become aroused at the sight. "However you still have a long way to go!"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

The chakra and blood scent lead to a backroom with a lock on it. Sasuke unsheathed his sword and in a whoosh, the door crumbled to pieces. "Sakura!" Sasuke breathed as he caught a glimpse of his girlfriend. "I'm sorry, are you okay!"

He ran over to her and immediately cut the rooms that hung her from the ceiling. He cradled Sakura in his arms.

"I'm fine…she said weakly. "Cu…cut the chakra bracelet off…"

Looking down Sasuke saw what Sakura meant. On each of her wrist were two matching bracelets. Using a kunai knife Sasuke sliced off the chains that drained Sakura of her chakra. Instantly Sakura felt a thousand times better.

Kiba head twitched suddenly. "Guys!" he barked. "Someone's coming!" he could smell a familiarly stinky scent draw closer.

In a fraction of a second later, Akira's personal assistant, Ayama, aka Snuggle Bunny stood in the door way. "My, my look at the vermin that crawled back here" she taunted. Slowly she unwrapped her chakra whip.

Kiba snarled. "Get out of our way you whore or I'll—"

"No" Sakura said suddenly as she stood on her feet. "I'll take care of Snuggle Slut—"

"It's _Bunny_, Snuggle Bunny you twit!" Ayama growled. She lashed out her whip out.

Having her energy back, Sakura deflected it easily. She crackled her knuckles ominously. "It matters little to me what retarded name you choose…" she charged at Ayama. "Payback time! CHA!"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"GET OFFA ME YOU PERVERTED OLD HAG!" Naruto bellowed as she kicked Arika into the wall.

If one thought Jiraiya was a pervert they knew nothing of Arika! Speaking of her, the mistress of division 1116 was practically drooling as she peeled herself from the wall.

"Wow…a hitter too! Oh Kami do I love feisty girls!" Arika said excitedly. She wiped the blood from the corner of her mouth. Seeing it turned her even more on. "Show me whatca got, screamers are always great!" She tossed a rain of needles in the air. "BLEED FOR ME, SCREECH MY NAME!"

"YOU'RE SO SICK!" Naruto screamed. She was able to deflect most of the needles with a kunai.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Sakura had punched Snuggle Bunny through the wall and hurriedly followed through to finish the job. That's when Snuggle pulled out her trump card; the scorpion whip. A whip having six tips on each one, laced with poison ready to release if struck.

When Snuggle Bunny lashed out for the first time, Sakura dropped and dodge rolled out of the way. Snuggle struck again, accidently knocking over a lantern that was hanging on the wall. The lantern fell on the sofa causing it to catch fire. In an instant the room was abaze like a match set to a hay stack. Dangerously the fire continued to spread to parts of the wooden floor. Sakura knew she didn't have much time as the fire continued to spread around them—she had to make this next move count.

Sakura rushed forward. Snuggle smirked at the desperate move. How conveniently stupid of Harumaki! Snuggle lashed out with her whip knowing she was going to hit the pink haired twit this time! As several stingers came down upon Sakura, the medic-nin sudden disappeared in a puff of smoke and what appeared in its place was a sofa pillow!

Ayama gasped before swearing aloud. She forgot about those damned tricks Ninja used! She then became slightly frantic not knowing were her opponent was. A moment later she found out when the worst pain she ever felt in her entire life hit her. It was like she was hit with the force of an object that was going at 60 mph. Snuggle flew up into the air and landed a distance away. As she landed, a sickening crack was heard. She hand broken her spine on and legs on impact!

Snuggle tried to scream in alarm and pain but even that proved difficult. The pain in her right side was unbearable! Her rib cage must have been shattered, she could hardly even breathe.

Looking up, Snuggle saw her worst nightmare standing over her. That fake manager Harumaki! The pink bitch was looking down at her while popping her knuckles. No way…One punch had done this to her? If she was struck again, she was going to die!

"Good-bye, Snuggle…" Sakura said. She raised her clutched fist above the girl, for the final blow. Snuggle Bunny sent Sakura the most hateful stare she could—well…as serious you could get with bunny ears on your head.

"I'll…remember…this!" Ayama managed to gurgle out through the blood bubbles popping out of her mouth. "I…swear…I…will…find…and…kill…you…in…the…next…life!"

"And when you come, I'll kick your ass, again!" Sakura then plunged her chakra enhanced fist into Ayama's chest, crushing all her organs at once. Ayama let out an abrupt scream before entering the land of the dead.

Sakura stood over Snuggle's carcass, panting, trying to catch her breath but was unsuccessful because of the smoke and flumes in the air. She sank onto her knees. Sakura barely registered Sasuke pulling her into her arms and leaving the room with Kiba at his side before she fell unconscious.

"Damn it all!" Sasuke cursed. "I shouldn't have let her have her way!"

"She's willful! You know you can't force a strong woman to do what you want!" Kiba panted out as they ran. Obviously he was speaking from experience. Having a strong-willed sister and wild mother had taught him a lot of things about strong spirited women over the years.

"You get Sakura out of here! I'll go get Naruto!" Kiba said.

Sasuke nodded. He would rather be the one to get Naruto but Sakura's health came first. With an affirmative nod from Kiba, the Inuzuka turned right down another hallway toward Naruto's scent.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Through the past hour the two have played the 'cat and mouse' game which involved Naruto trying to stay as far out of range as possible from Arika. Naruto shivered as she saw the sex-crazed leer Arika was sending her.

"Playing hard to get are you?" Arika said. She giggled. "Oh I really, really like you!"

Naruto shuddered. "Stop that kind of talk already!" she said. She formed a swirling sphere of chakra into her palm.

It has been several years since Naruto was able to do one, one handedly. "Rasengan!" she exclaimed as she ran forward. Naruto had it at 30 percent power. Just enough to take Arika down without killing her. With all her might, Naruto slammed into Arika.

"OUCHIE!" Arika yelped as she flew back into the wall. It was almost comical. Now with this most recent addition, there were now six Arika prints in the wall. Surely this time she would pass out.

Naruto cheered. "That should do it!" she exclaimed. She said that all too soon.

For the seventh time Arika was able to still fight. She peeled herself from the wall and waddled back toward Naruto. This time however she was standing on shaking legs. Just maybe ONE more hit should do it, but Naruto was getting tired too.

Groaning, Naruto asked, "Will you just faint already? That will make my job easier!"

"Heh-heh…Can't make it too easy for you heroine!" Arika said. "I will have my way with you—EEK!" she squeaked as a hard blow came down on the back of her head. She fainted on her feet and fell to the floor. Kiba was standing right behind her with a broken lamp in his hand.

"Oh no you won't perv" Kiba said to Arika crumpled form.

"Kiba!" Naruto cheered happily but then her face soured. "Wait a minute...oh you have got to be kidding me! Kiba, this is crap!" Naruto snapped out furiously.

Kiba flinched back in shock. "What is?"

"I've been frightening for nearly an hour and rasenganed Akira's ass twice and you… you! You come up and with one lucky and unbelievably convenient hit of a lamp to the head and she's instantly knocked out!" Naruto ranted angrily.

Kiba shrugged. "Um, yeah?"

Naruto groaned irritability. Looking up at the sky Naruto said, "Cheap shot…chosenmibhar… cheap shot!"

Kiba blinked. "…Who the heck is chosenmibhar?"

Naruto clasped her hand over her mouth. "Oh, Oops! Um…n-no one important! Ignore what I say, yeah it's all crazy talk! Crazy! Crazy I tell you!"

Kiba sent Naruto a look "Ooookay..."

Naruto suddenly sniffed the air. When Kiba had come in the room he left the door open behind him. The scents from the hall came in. "Hey do I smell smoke?"

"Yeah, we gotta split! A fire started. You okay to walk?"

"Yeah I'm fine"

Kiba grabbed Naruto's wrist. "Then come on—"

"Wait, we're taking Akira with us!" Naruto ordered. "Help me tie this perverted git up!"

Kiba sent Naruto a confused look as Naruto took some rope out of his nip sack. "Why? For questioning or something?"

Naruto shook her head. "No because we've completed our mission in capturing the S-ranked criminal, Arika Komage!"

"What?" Kiba looked at the guy. "But I thought this was a guy!"

"Nope, the freak is a girl" Naruto answered as she finished tying up Arika's legs.

"WHAT?" Kiba asked.

"Yup!" Naruto answered. She reached into Kiba's bag again and pulled out some rope. "Hurry and help me!"

"But…but how?" Kiba asked, still freaked out by this new revelation.

"Kiba think for a moment" Naruto said. "Akira is Arika spelled backwards for Kami's sake!"

"So…?" Kiba asked. "What's that got to do with anything?"

Naruto smacked her forehead. "Remember those experiments with Orochimaru? It's obvious Arika used them to turn herself male…um…or partially male…I think…"

Kiba's nose twitched in distaste. "Ew…that is freaky. Not to mention kinky!"

"You have no idea…" Naruto replied flatly.

"Well it's no wonder why mom couldn't pick up a scent; it's because it changed! If her hormones have totally mutated then I guess it would be a hard trail to follow…" Kiba remarked.

After the two finished tying up Arika securely they made their way out of the building among other frantic people who were running around. They didn't give Kiba and Naruto a second look as they scampered out the building with their boss on their shoulders.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"I hope Naruto and Kiba are okay…" Sakura said.

As she and Sasuke looked upon the burning building were Division 1116 once stood. The building now was now only a frame as it continued to be eaten from the inside out by the fire. The two could feel the heat radiating all the way to their safe location.

"I'm sure they are" Sasuke reassured her. _'Or I'll kick Kiba's ass in the next life'_

"Oh Sasuke-kun…I thought I wouldn't see you again…I'm so happy you came for me!" Sakura said looking up at her boyfriend with pure admiration. Sasuke was stunned. He felt suddenly ashamed of himself. Sakura was being tortured while he was busy fantasying about Naruto.

"I'm glad I got there in time too…" Sasuke replied.

Sakura smiled sweetly at him before pecking a kiss onto his cheek. She then threw her arms around him and hugged him. Sasuke awkwardly returned it. He knew couldn't break off with Sakura…not yet. He knew he wanted Naruto but…it just had to wait until the right time.

"Awww so sweet!" a voice said suddenly.

Sakura and Sasuke broke apart to see Naruto and Kiba coming there way with a person tied up on Kiba's shoulder. Kiba was smirking at them. Naruto…Naruto looked unsure and a little stunned. Sakura wasn't sure what Naruto was thinking.

"Hi, Naruto, Kiba. Glad to see you two made it out" Sakura said.

Naruto sighed in relief. "I'm just glad you're okay, Sakura-chan…" then she asked, "That Akira-freak didn't hurt you, did he?"

"Well—"

"Oh please fifty-four lashes is nothing!" the man on Kiba's shoulders said. Sakura recognized him to be Akira. "I actually went easy on you—OW!"

"SPEAK FOR YOURSELF JERK!" Sakura said as the bonked Akira hard on the head. Turning away in a huff Sakura asked Kiba and Naruto, "Why did you bring Akira-baka anyway? Our job was to find Arika!"

"Well, you see Sakura-chan this IS Arika" Naruto answered. "The freak experiment on herself to become male"

Sasuke just raised his eyebrows. Nothing seemed to surprise him anymore.

"WHAT?" Sakura shrieked in disbelief. She paled as she remembered how handsome she thought Akira was.

Arika turned to Sakura with a sly smile. "Still wanna dance with me? I always did like the ladies"

Sakura screeched, fell backwards and fainted. Sasuke caught her.

**...**

It was nothing but complete chaos at Division 1116. The entire underground parlor had burned to ashes in forty minutes flat. All the exotic entertainers and guest made it out alright. The only ones reported missing were their newest star, Cuddle muffin, her manager Sweet Strawberry, Snuggle Bunny and their Manager Akira.

They simply assumed they had died in fire. The former employees had grieved for their lost for five minutes before packing up and looting any salvageable items they could find and then left seeking employment elsewhere.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

The next morning Team Naruto plus their prisoner were currently resting in the hotel they rented out the day before. They had bound Arika with chakra draining handcuffs and gagged her mouth with rags. Arika was currently tied down to a hotel bed, while Sakura and Naruto slept in the other one.

A local medic was visiting in their room at the moment, checking Sakura and Naruto's health. Sasuke casted a simple genjutsu so the doctor wouldn't see or hear Arika bound and gagged.

"They're fine" the doctor reported with a smile as he removed the oxygen mask from Sakura's face. Satisfied, he began to pack up his belongings.

Kiba watched with his lips curled up into a smile as the Doc placed his equipment in his bag. That bag just happened to be currently lying on top of Arika, making her uncomfortable. Arika glared furiously at him and then at Sasuke who was also smirking from his chair in the corner.

It was almost hilarious when the Doctor first came in and tossed his heavy bag carelessly onto the 'seemingly' _empty _bed. Arika had wheezed and muffled curses under her breath.

"Thank you, healer" Sasuke said. He paid the man for the home visit. Exchanging bows, the doctor left, telling Sasuke over his shoulder to make sure the girls get some sleep and by tomorrow they should be healthy enough for travel.

Meanwhile Kiba made his way to Naruto's side. He sat down on the edge of the bed. Gently he lifted Naruto into his arms. Sasuke felt himself burn at the sight.

"Ki-Kiba?" Naruto asked uncertainly.

"Naruto, are you okay—WHOA!" Kiba said in alarm as Naruto pushed him off of her and completely shoved him off the bed! He had landed with a hard thunk.

"You're too close, mutt breath! What are you doing?"

"I was just checking to see how you felt that's all, sheesh!" Kiba said angrily. "Talk about overreacting!"

"Well…Well you could've just asked!" Naruto reasoned. "No need to get all touchy-touch!"

Sasuke smirked in triumph. "We're checking out tomorrow so rest up dobe…that includes you Sakura-chan"

"Ok" they agreed.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

The walk back home was amusing. Kiba was sulking as he walked ahead of the gang. Sasuke was inwardly snickering at the dog-user while walking contently next to his girlfriend and Naruto. Arika was walking in-between them and Kiba.

"Hey Kiba…" Naruto said suddenly. She walked up beside him.

"Yeah?" Kiba asked moodily. He felt a little dejected after Naruto pushed him away—off the freaking bed!

Avoiding Kiba's eyes Naruto muttered a, "Thank you…"

Kiba blinked. "Again? You already thanked me the night before. Don't turn into a butt kisser!"

Naruto huffed. "Not planning on it, _ever_!"

Kiba smirked. "Good, then you really wouldn't be the Naruto I know"

Naruto blinked, but then smiled at the hidden compliment. "I was actually thanking you for the bracelet… It was really a good luck charm after all" she leaned over suddenly and snatched the boy into a unsuspecting hug.

Sakura giggled and 'awed' at the expression. Sasuke twitched. He felt the green eyed demon beginning to roar and shift in the back of his mind.

Kiba was at first taken aback by the gesture but then he returned it. "No problem Naruto-chan"

Naruto pulled away. "Don't call me chan!"

"Why? It's cute!"

Naruto pouted. "I'm not cute—I'm sexy!"

"Damn straight you are!" Kiba agreed with a grin.

They both started laughing at their own private joke. Sakura and Sasuke sent them annoyed looks for two separate reasons.

"Those two together…" Sakura said.

"…Makes me sick!" Sasuke finished with a snarl.

Sakura jumped a little. She was thinking more on the lines of 'they give me a headache' or 'they're both idiots' but that?

Arika had a knowing smirk on her face as she continued to follow obediently in-between the couples. Silently she agreed with Sasuke. The very sight repulsed her. She didn't like men, especially when they flirted with girls she liked… Sighing, Arika glanced up at the clear blue sky. She won't be seeing that for a while once they reached Konoha…Alas.

—**PAGE BREAK—**

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune called excitedly. The office door slammed open, catching Tsunade red-handed. She was in the works of sneaking in a shot of sake into her coffee. "Team Naruto has arrived! With a prisoner in tow! AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT SAKE BOTTLE!" she scolded. Shizune had already taken away ten sake bottles from Tsunade in the last three days! Kami, where were they coming from?

"WHAT? It's been only five days!" Tsunade breathed in disbelief ignoring Shizune's accusation_. 'How could they find an S-ranked criminal in days that her top hunter-nins couldn't find in 4 __**years**__!' _

"Send them in immediately!"

Tsunade watched excited, but her excitement died the minute a man wrapped in ropes walked in. Tsunade sighed, not bothering to hold in her disappointment.

"Uh, you realize Arika is female, so what's up with the hunk?" she said, lying back in her chair disinterested.

Naruto grinned mischievously. "You really think he's cute, granny?"

Arika smiled as she as well awaiting the answer.

"Cause do you realize this IS Arika Kamage?" Naruto said. "Take a few blood samples and you'll see"

In shock Shizune dropped Tonton. The pig landed on the floor with a painful squeal. "Im—Impossible!"

"Sex change by surgery and chakra related alterations" Naruto jabbed her thumb in Arika direction. "That's the reason why she paired up with Orochimaru originally—was to change into a man. Freak of nature if you ask me—"

"Niiice" Arika interrupted sarcastically. "But for the record; _you _are the freak. I'm just a ninja trying to stay out of jail that happens to like being a man!"

Everyone gave Arika a look. Naruto rolled her eyes at the contradicting declaration.

"AKA freak" Naruto fired back.

Arika huffed. She stomped her foot. "I prefer unique!"

Naruto waved her off. "Whatever princess. It was clever Arika, I give you that much" Naruto commended.

Arika shrugged. "Well it worked great until now. You are a lot smarter than you look, Naruko Arashi if that's your name"

"So I've been told a thousand times" Naruto smirked. "And by the way, my real name is Naruto Uzumaki! Don't forget it! Future Hokage of Konohagakure no sato!"

"Well I'll be damned…" Tsunade managed to say finally. "Good work, Team Naruto. You're dismissed!"

Just then Tsunade's door opened to reveal Anko with a folder in her hand. "Yo, Hokage-sama. Sorry for the interruption but I need you to sign a few papers for me"

"Ah, good timing Anko! Will you please transport this prisoner to integration?" Tsunade asked. Anko handed her the files. "Sure Tsunade-sama. I'll take him over and then come back for the papers" Anko grabbed the ropes binding Arika. "Hey, hot shot, ready to go?" she flirted.

"Ano... Shouldn't we tell her, he's a she?" Sakura asked quietly.

Naruto smirked. "No, she'll find out"

The four young Jounins walked out of the office and just as they were about to close the door behind them a shout was heard, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN HE'S A GIRL?"

—**PAGE BREAK—**

Naruto yarned loudly and stretched her hands above her head. In a contented pace, Kiba, Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto made their way down the streets of Konoha. "So good to be home!" I'm not going anywhere for at least two weeks!" she declared aloud.

"Yo, Naruto do you want to go to Ichiraku's with me?" Kiba said suddenly.

"You're paying, right? Even if I eat anywhere from six to thirteen bowls of ramen?" Naruto challenged with a raised eyebrow.

"Yep"

Naruto looped her arms with Kiba's. "Lead the way stud!"

Sasuke sweat-dropped. The way to Naruto's heart was disturbingly easy. Hn, good. At least Naruto was easy to please.

Sakura gasped. Giddily she turned to Sasuke. "That's a great idea Sassy-chan!" she cheered. "We should go out on a too date! It's been a while"

Sasuke visibly flinched. He was quiet for a moment before suggesting. "Fine, let's go to Ichiraku's with Kiba and Naruto tonight. We'll double date—"

"It's not a date!" Naruto snapped.

Sakura was never a fan of ramen but squealed at the idea. "Yes! Let's do that! It's cool to double date!"

Kiba didn't know if he should maul the Uchiha for ruining his alone time with Naruto or hug him for setting them up as 'dating'. He decided maul when he saw the underhanded smirk on Sasuke's lips. That damn pervert was using the double date as a three for one deal. One, to satisfy Sakura and two, to see Naruto and three, to make sure nothing romantic happens between them.

Kiba's eye twitched. That selfish bastard…

"For the last time Sakura it's not a date!" Naruto yelled at her pink haired friend.

"Well even if it's not—its good practice when you eventually meet Mr. Right! Like me and Sassy-chan!"

Naruto felt a stab in her gut as she remembered Sasuke's advances on her a week ago…how he kept teasing her about reproducing and inviting her to his bed. Of course Sasuke was joking but…a part of her really didn't believe he was and that was downright scary.

"Okay!" Sakura said happily. "Let's get started now!"

Sakura rushed away with Naruto intact. "Meet us later at my house at four okay?" Sakura yelled to her boyfriend and Kiba over her shoulder.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto whined. "It doesn't take four hours to get ready—"

"Clueless as ever Naruto" Sakura said. "We have to not only find an outfit but get made up! We should have started preparing for this date _days_ ago! First stop is the bath house!"

Naruto's insides ran cold. "B-b-b-b-b-b-bath h-h-h-h-house?" she asked nervously.

"Yeah, so?" Sakura asked.

Sweat formed on Naruto's forehead. The last time she went to the bathhouse was over five years ago—in her sexy-no-jutsu form… The blonde knew right of the bat there was gonna be some trouble ahead.

**..._...**

**..**

**TBC…**

CM: Okay now it's the bathhouse (originally planned). I'll update soon. Thanks.

..


	13. Secret admirer

**..**

**CM: **Hi, this is a 2nd intermediate filler chapter. Enjoy!

..

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto get's turned into a girl and now the men are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light…poor, poor Naruto.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

**..**

**CHAPTER 13: **Secret admirer

**..**

_'I watched you from a distance…and I was content to do so until so many guys started to like you. It's only a matter before you take your pick and if I'm to stand a chance I must reveal myself to you—'_

"Choji" Shikamaru said calling Choji out of his day dream. "You're staring off into space again, knock it off" The shadow manipulator smiled, "That's my job" he joked.

The two childhood friends were currently eating away at their usual barbeque joint—well at least Shikamaru was. Choji would only nibble on a piece of meat here and there.

"Sorry to send you into early retirement" Choji said. "Are you ready to go, Shika?"

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows. "No seconds? You didn't even finish the first course. Are you sick?"

Choji shook his head. "I bought that platter for you, actually"

Shikamaru nearly choked on his food. "You did? Why…?" lazy genius asked carefully, maybe he misheard.

"Think of it as 'thanks for always being there for me'" Choji said. What he did next shocked Shikamaru; Choji reached into his sack and pulled out a bag of reduce fat potato chips and a can of strawberry slim fast. Shikamaru blinked. The can of slim fast was still on the table.

Shikamaru became even more unsettled as Choji opened the can and proceeded to drink the contents down. "You sure you don't want to polish of my pork rib?" Shikamaru offered.

"No, it's yours to enjoy" Choji said cheerfully.

Shikamaru dropped his chopsticks in pure shock. His friend had turned down barbeque ribs for a weight loss drink? Shikamaru Nara, was now, very, _very_ scared.

**—PAGE BREAK—**

Being perfectly rational Shikamaru took his concerns to his female teammate and calmly told her, "Oh my Kami! I think Choji is sick!"

Yes, he was very collected.

Ino raised her eyebrow. It was rare for Shikamaru to see completely out of character. "Shika, you're going to hyperventilate if you don't stop" Ino said. "What? What's wrong?"

"Choji turned down seconds at the barbeque joint!" Shikamaru shouted.

Ino's eyes bulged. Now she had to be the sensible one so she asked, "He ate before he got there right?"

"No! In fact—he claimed later that he even missed breakfast! He drunk _slim fast _for lunch Ino—**_slim fast_**!"

Ino looked outside her window. She turned back to Shikamaru. "It's the apocalypse among us?"

So much for sensibleness…

Shikamaru held his hands up to shush her. "Even worse…" he said, trying to brace Ino. "Choji offered me his _last_ potato chip! He never gives up the **_last potato chip_**!"

Almost afraid to ask Ino said, "W-was it barbeque flavored?"

Shikamaru remorsefully answered, "…Yes"

"…W-We gotta get him help! NOW!" Ino said. "Daddy! Watch the store, it's an emergency!"

**—PAGE BREAK—**

"Choji is at a gym…a _gym_?" Shikamaru said disbelievingly. Ino wobbled slightly. Shikamaru had to steady her.

"Yes an actual **_gym_**" Choza said slowly. He wasn't exactly why his son's teammates had to ask over _six_ times. He then laughed. "Wahahaha! I could hardly believe it myself!"

"You are not concerned, why?" Shikamaru said.

"Why should I?" Choza said. "I'm sure it's just a phase!"

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "And if he loses 10 pounds?"

Choza stopped laughing then. A horrified look came to his face. "Then Kami help us all!"

**—PAGE BREAK—**

"CHOOOOOJI!" Ino screamed as she ran into the gym with Shikamaru right behind her. Choji looked up from his weights. "What?" he asked simply.

"What? WHAT?" Ino shrieked. "THAT'S ALL YOU CAN SAY?"

Choji and Shikamaru winced at the high pitched shrill of Ino's voice.

"Yeah, what?" Choji asked again.

Ino clenched and unclenched her fist. "You're scaring us—that's what! Shikamaru said something about you cutting back on portions at the restaurant, working out and drinking slim fast! What the hell is going on?" Ino demanded.

Choji sent his teammates a disturbed look. "What's the matter with **_you_** two?" he asked.

"What's wrong with **_you_**?" Ino shot back. "Are you an imposter?" she demanded. "Because if you're a spy I will take you down and force you to tell me where you hid Choji's body!"

Choji choked on his spit. "Can a guy give a potato chip to his best friend without be scrutinized?" he asked incredulously.

"Okay maybe we are overreacting…a little…" Shikamaru admitted slowly. "But still like Ino said, you're scaring the crap out of us"

Choji rubbed the back his head uneasily. Releasing a sigh he said, "Well…I'll tell you…" He leaned in and whispered, "I'm doing this for…Naruto"

"You're doing all this for Naruto?" Ino asked disbelievingly. Her voice echoed throughout the gym.

Choji's chubby cheeks flushed scarlet. "Not so loud Ino!" he hissed.

"But why Naruto?" Shikamaru asked. Frankly he was surprised too and wanted an explanation.

Choji sighed while sitting down on the weight bench. "Well, when Naruto was a guy he…now she… used to look down on me because I was…I was…fat…" he looked up at his friends. "And how am I supposed to compete with the other guys if I'm a Pillsbury dough boy?"

"Choji…" Shikamaru said. He laid a hand on his best friend's shoulder. "If Naruto really cares about you she would love you just as you are"

Choji sighed and waved him off. "That's what they ALL say"

"Shikamaru is right!" Ino said.

Choji snorted. Sending Ino a flat look he said, "Ino, you of all people do not like fat people" he stated flatly.

"How could you say that?" Ino asked, very offended. "I like you don't I?"

"Yeah but only after you were forced to spend time with me when team 10 was formed" Choji said point-blank.

Ino recoiled sheepishly.

"For example—if Sai was 300 pounds would you date him?" Choji said. "Answer truthfully"

Ino mentally pictured her beloved boyfriend of two years with a double chin, jelly rolls and 60 inches wide. Before she could contain herself, Ino screamed aloud in horror like as if she was a Banshee mourning for the death of a lord.

"See?" Choji said as he rubbed his pinkie finger into his ringing ears.

"W-wait, now if I was to get to know him…" Ino trailed noticing the look on her friends' faces. "Okay, okay, okay. I would avoid him like the plague!" she admitted pitifully. "B-But I would be his friend if he was nice!"

"Only if you were trapped into a room with him for seven days" Shikamaru said flatly.

Ino eye twitched. Turning back to Choji she stated, "Well this isn't about me—it's about_ you_ mister!" she said while pointing a manicured nail at him. "If Naruto likes you for you, it's great, but if you have to change yourself to get Naruto's attention then she's not worth it!"

"I'm not worth what?" Naruto asked interested, only catching the tail end of Ino's rant.

Team ten balked. Standing behind them happened to be Konoha's loudest ninja and Tsunade's mini-me, Sakura.

Naruto noticed their tension. "What's wrong with you three?"

"N-Nuh…nothing!" Ino stuttered. "Now go away!"

Naruto pouted. "That's mean Ino-chan…"

"So?"

"Oh come off it, Miss. Piggy!" Sakura said.

"Watch it forehead!" Ino shouted back. "What are you and Naruto doing here anyway?"

"Sakura dragged me here…" Naruto grumbled. She grimaced as Sakura nudged her roughly in the ribcage.

"Ino-pig, we were on our way to the bathhouse when Naruto made a good point about what were we are going to wear tonight. And since Naruto is totally hopeless with fashion, I want to see if you can help cure her" Sakura answered.

"It's not a disease!" Naruto said indignantly.

Ino swelled with pride. Cockily she said, "I guess you need help too, if you cannot help him yourself, ho-ho…Not to worry I can cure you too, heh-heh"

"I rather rot than get advice from you" Sakura said. "I'm just here for Naruto"

"Okay, first off…what type of date is this?" Ino then gasped as a realization hit her. "You…you don't mean date as in dating…?"

"No it's—" Naruto tried to say but Sakura had cut her off.

"Yep! We got a double dating tonight!" Sakura announced proudly. "Me and Sasuke-kun and Naruto and Kiba-kun—"

"WHAT?" Ino said. That juicy bit of info got her attention. "NARUTO AND KIBA? OUR KIBA INUZUKA?"

Shikamaru could almost hear Choji's heart shatter into a million of pieces.

"Yeah!" Sakura squealed. "I never would have seen that coming but—"

"I TELLING YOU IT'S NOT A—" Naruto tried to exclaim but Ino clutched her into a hug.

"I'll help you!" Ino exclaimed. "So you want formal or informal wear?" she asked.

"Not sure…" Sakura said. "I mean it's just Ichiraku's but it being Naruto's first date—"

"IT'S NOT A DATE!"

"—I just want it to be special" Sakura finished.

Ino rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "Well…wearing yukatas are nice" she decided aloud. "They can be used for all sorts of informal and formal occasions"

Naruto pouted. "But I don't have a kimono…"

"That's true" Sakura remarked. "We didn't buy one the last time we went shopping"

Ino then asked Naruto, "Why don't you just borrow one from forehead? She has some nice ones…I helped pick most of them, after all!"

Naruto shook her head. "I would if I could but Sakura's kimonos are too big at the waist and too small in the chest for me—"

"SHUT UP NARUTO!" Sakura roared ferociously. She shook her fist threateningly.

Naruto squeaked and ducked behind Choji. Choji in response seemed to puff himself up a bit in a passive-aggressive position, promising to retaliate if Sakura made the first move. Shikamaru watched on in disbelief. Choji was willing to fight to protect that idiot Naruto? He was for real.

Ino looked back and forth behind Sakura and Naruto's bodies before nodding in agreement. "Mmm-Hmm…Naruto got a point..ahahahaha" Ino chuckled nervously as Sakura gave her a very pointed glare. "So..um, l-let's shop for one!" she said quickly. Turning to Naruto said asked, "So what color kimono do you want?"

Naruto looked uncertain. "Huh? Oh, um Orange?" she asked.

"Ew, Naruto! No more orange! Kami, are you trying to make everyone around you colorblind?"

"Neon green?" Naruto tried again.

Sakura and Ino stared at her. "You just like to stand out don't you?" she asked flatly.

Naruto smiled proudly. "Yep—OW!" she cried when Sakura knocked her for a loop.

"You moron!"

Ino shook her head. "A disgrace to all things silk!" Turning to Sakura, Ino said, "Forehead…I apologize, I see why you asked for my help, Naruto is totally and utterly hopeless…Even a queen of fashion like me can't take on this daunting task alone!"

"Hey!" Naruto said offended. "I'm right here you know!"

"So what time is this date of yours?" Ino asked Sakura, completely ignoring the blond.

"At four—"

"AT FOUR?" Ino said looking down at her watch. "Sakura, are you insane? You should have planned this days ago!"

"I know, I know!" Sakura said. "But we just got back from a mission and it was so spontaneous! Kiba asked Naruto on the spot!"

"Oh Kami, he did really?" Ino said intrigued.

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Naruto yelled.

"Oh, Naruto don't be so modest, you are a cute girl after all!" Ino giggled as she patted her shoulder.

"Stop calling me cute!"

"Man, aren't you touchy…" Ino commented. "Well let's get a move on or you're going to be late! Catch ya' later Shika, Choji!" Ino and Sakura then proceeded to drag poor Naruto behind them as they left the building.

Shikamaru sighed. How troublesome.

"So…did Naruto seem…that interested in Kiba?" Choji asked concerned.

Shikamaru shrugged. "I don't think it's as serious as Sakura and Ino thinks. Naruto sounded like she was trying to deny it the whole time…but who knows…maybe there's still a chance…Look Cho, I'll help you lose weight…if that's what you want" Shikamaru offered.

"Really?" Choji asked, surprised. "I thought you said all that stuff about just being myself and—"

"Choji, if you want to look your best for Naruto who am I to judge?"

"You're probably just too lazy to judge" Choji half-joked.

"That too" Shikamaru admitted unblushingly before seriously adding, "But if this get's too far out of hand, you MUST get therapy, understand?" he asked sternly.

Choji rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine" Choji never knew how easy it was to freak people out: just simply go on a diet. "Hey, I'm going to the bathhouse to wash up, wanna join me?"

"Sure I guess. It's very relaxing...As long as I could get outta there by three" Shikamaru rubbed his shoulder. "The Kazekage will be arriving in Konoha this afternoon to meet with the Godaime…I have to go greet him at the gate"

"Meaning Temari too" Choji teased lightly.

Shikamaru groaned. "Seriously, I never thought I would end up dating such a mean, nasty, troublesome woman like her…how did it happen, Choji? She's not even my type!"

"Why are you asking me?" Choji said. "I think its self explanatory. You are opposites. Opposites attract"

_'Hm…if that's the case then Naruto and Kiba are not going to last very long…_' Shikamaru thought to himself as Choji gathered his things and they felt the gym together.

**..**

**TBC…**

**.. **

**CM:** This chapter was inspired off one of my readers. He/she said in a review (some time back) to let Shikamaru help Choji loose weight. So thanks to whoever you were.

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	14. Poll results

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Hi, everyone. The poll is officially closed for this story. Sasuke wins the election and will not only stay as the main character of this story but will be Naruto's (eventual) true love. Thank you for your participation and your undying support. Unfortunately this means the story is now out of commission until this Fall do to me rewriting the plot. (Sorry)

As for you Gaa/Naru fans I offer you a consolation prize in the form of an intermediate chapter on 'If Naruto had chosen Gaara'. It will be posted next week anytime through April 11-15th. Keep an eye out for it!

Thanks again,

Chosenmibhar

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	15. Omake: Rejected!

**.**

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto gets turned into a girl and now the guys are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light. Poor, poor Naruto… A femmNaruto story.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

* * *

**Chapter 15:** Omake: Rejected!

* * *

At the secret location of the Orange Market, all of Naruto's love interest plus a few others came together to tally up the vote. They were going to have a celebration party following the election to congratulate the winner. Everything was decorated in orange and ramen was the main dish.

In a disappointed tone Neji addressed the group. "Gaara…21 votes…"

Kankuro nudged Gaara. "Impressive, you got this in the bag—"

"And Sasuke, 23 votes…that is all"

The room got quiet before there were outbursts.

"You got to be kidding me!"

"Sasuke won the final poll? No fair!"

"Ahhh! Why didn't the audience vote more?"

"Like you are ones to talk" Shion sighed. "You two should have voted…" she glared at Kankuro and Kiba.

"It wouldn't have made a difference" Kiba said without thinking.

"Sasuke won by only two points, idiots!" Shion snapped.

Kankuro and Kiba stiffened. "Oh… …"

"My own brother..." Gaara glared at Kankuro. In return, the puppet master sent his younger sibling an apologetic look. "Like oops…"

Sasuke waltzed into the room. Giving everybody a rare smile he said, "Hey, this is a party, shouldn't we be celebrating?"

Kiba shot the raven head a glare. "The only one happy about the results is you, Uchiha" he snapped. "For the love of Kami why is it always you?"

"Hn, naturally" Sasuke said with an assured smirk. "Me and Naruto—"

"Naruto and I, idiot" Sai corrected him. "I guess those looks of yours compensate for something—"

"Tsukiyomi!"

Sai fell over.

"_Me_ and Naruto are like ying and yang, sun and moon, blue and orange, cheery and grumpy: Simply meant to be"

"Oh yeah well then why aren't you together in the manga?" Neji challenged.

"Hello, Shonen Jump" Sasuke said in a tone as if he was speaking to a child. "It bans shounen-ai and yaoi couples. That was the sacrifice Kishimoto had to make when he signed the contract"

"What do people see in you?" Kiba snorted under his breath. He meant it as a rhetorical question but Sasuke answered.

"My emoness is cool. My dark and mysterious personality is alluring and my possessiveness is irresistibly hot. In fact it's the hottest thing since Twilight" on second thought Sasuke said, "Heck screw Edward, I'm bigger than that pansy sparkle vampire will ever be. Sparkle in the sunlight my ass"

"B-Blasphemy!" Hinata stuttered.

"Well compared to Jacob, Edward is a pansy" Shion agreed off-handedly.

"And Jacob is a pansy too" Sasuke added. "Bella would have chosen me if I'd been there"

"That's it Uchiha, you've gone too far!" Shion snapped.

"Oh buzz off. Without me, the show Naruto wouldn't be as half as popular. And if the show Naruto didn't fly, then there wouldn't have been a Naruto Shippuden and _**no**_ Shion of Ogre country" Sasuke specified.

Shion gritted her teeth.

Sasuke continued to gloat. "And just to think I was a spare of the moment character meant to rival my future wife. I'm the best thing that ever happened to Kishimoto-"

"Hey! Don't you mix fanfiction with the actually manga! Naruto's a guy in the real series!"

"Well too bad, too sad. He's a girl in this universe and I will fit perfectly right between her thighs in the next four chapters guaranteed!" Sasuke said cockily.

Gaara glared at Sasuke. "Don't you dare talk about Naruto that way, Uchiha"

"Shut up, sabaku. Like you never had fantasies about those long tanned legs of hers"

"…"

"Hn, thought so and don't forget: I'm stronger and more popular than you'll ever be" Sasuke smirked. "Second place, minor character"

"_Major_ supporting character" Gaara corrected.

"Still a minor"

"I'm the Kazekage for a reason"

"Yeah, because you're the strongest ninja in your village"

"That's correct"

"Geeze, then what that says about your sand-nins, doesn't it? They are pretty pathetic…"

"He's got a point on that Gaara" Kankuro hated to admit. "Besides you, me and Temari, the sand is pretty weak…that's why we have to do most of the freaking work all the time" he complained.

"I'm still in this regardless" Gaara said defiantly. "With all the power invested in me from the Gaa/Naru fan club, I'm not letting Naruto end up with you!" he said determinedly.

"Keep telling yourself that. I suppose it works"

Gaara glared heatedly at Sasuke. "I should have let the Raikage kill you back in the Five Kage Summit Arc. What the hell was I thinking?" he said with a bitter sigh.

Sasuke shrugged uncaringly. "No use crying over spilled milk"

"It's not fair though!" Kiba howled. "I didn't even get to have my date with Naruto yet! And the bathhouse—Oh Kami! Will Naruto ever get to the bathhouse?"

"Yeah, I want to see her naked!" Konohamaru shouted.

"How unyouthful!" Lee chided.

"Oh please, like you can talk!" Konohamaru snapped. "You have a gold card membership to the Orange Market!"

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. "They have card memberships?"

"I didn't even get to ask her out…" Choji said disappointedly. "I feel so cheated…I lost five pounds for nothing"

"At least you guys had a scene with her…" Shino said. "…I was forgotten as usual…"

Everyone nearly jumped out of their skins when they heard Shino whisper behind them. "Hey Shino when did you get here?" Choji asked.

Shino frowned in annoyance. "I've been here the whole time…"

"No wonder Naruto never notices you or anyone for that matter" Choji said before shrugging. "Well at least you talked with Naruto in chapter 2"

"It was one line" Shino complained. "At least you got a chapter—"

"Look man, I didn't get a scene with Naruto either even though the chapter was based around me" Choji said. "In fact we didn't exchange a simple line of dialogue. Ino was hogging up the conversations"

"Yeah well, count your blessings. Even you got one up from Kankuro—"

"Whoa, whoa there!" Kankuro interrupted. "I'm not interested. You can have that annoying chick"

"But I didn't have a chance to begin with!" Lee wailed.

"Nobody cares about you!" Shion shrilled suddenly. "What about me!"

Everyone sweat-dropped. "...What about you?" Shino asked uncaringly.

"I only got one scene and it was interrupted by the pink haired billboard!" Shion complained. "What am I gonna do now? I had to travel through the boonies just to get here. Bloody hell I'm about to turn around and just leave!" she exclaimed as she stomped her feet. "If you ask me, I think Chosenmibhar owns the audience some fan service!"

"As if we can make her do anything" Neji said as he shook his head disapprovingly.

"I will!" Shion snapped.

"Well, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going on strike" Shion snapped. "I'm the freaking priestess of Ogre country! How dare she treat me like this!"

"Are you crazy?" Choji asked as if it was tabooed. "You can't go on strike! What if the author get's mad?"

"So? Who cares, she's so unfair anyway!"

"SO? SO? Girl you are crazy!" Kiba said incredulously. "You realize Chosenmibhar is like the Kami of the _From Boxers to Bra _universe, right?"

"And…?"

"That means she can do _**anything**_ at the stoke of her keyboard and it becomes reality to you and me!"

Shion looked taken aback. "T-That's not true, no one has that m-much power!"

"Yes she does!" Kiba said. "So if I was you I'd take back everything I said and try to make amends. She may even cut you out the story for your insolence—"

"NO! Anything but that! Please!" Shion cried. "Quick, build an alter and submit an offering!"

Kiba sweat-dropped. "I don't think it works that way, Shion…"

"Do as I say slave!"

"I'm not a slave, you b—!"

"But I want to offer up Sasuke to her" Shion reasoned. "That should suffice!"

"Wait, you can't—uh, on second thought yeah, let's burn Uchiha! Yeah!" Kiba actually liking the idea.

"What…?" Sasuke said uneasily.

"A-A-Actually she wouldn't want Sasuke…" a small voice shook up. All heads turned toward Hinata. "I-I found out she… she v-voted for G-Gaara herself in t-the poll…"

"What? Wait... she actually allowed to do that?"

"So maybe we should offer Gaara instead…" Shion muttered out loud as he turned to the redhead.

"NO!" Gaara said quickly.

"I second it" Sasuke agreed quickly. This was a great opportunity to get rid of his rival. "I got rope!"

"Match it up, Choji!

"S-STOP THE MA-MADNESS!" Hinata held up a laptop in her hands. "I've hacked into Chosenmibhar's account!" Hinata's hand hovered over the delete key. "I'll delete this poll and start the story anew! So we will all have a change of getting Naruto!"

"Atta girl, Hinata!" Kiba cheered.

Gaara sighed in relief.

Sasuke sent the girl a look that could kill. "Don't you dare, Hyuuga! The will of the people have spoken—"

"Oh cut the bull, U-Uchiha-san!" Hinata snapped uncharacteristically loud. She had a crazed look in her eyes.

Everyone fell into a dumbfounded silence.

"Did… did she just tell Sasuke to shut up?" Kankuro asked taken aback at the girl's unusual outburst.

Neji could hardly believe himself. "Yes…yes she did"

Kankuro smirked. "Got to admit, it's kind of erotic"

"Watch it, sand-nin" Neji said with a glare. "Or I'll cut off something else besides your chakra supply to a specific region"

"I don't care what the p-public say!" Hinata said in defiance. "I'm about to do to you what the Supreme Court did to Al Gore in the 2000 presidential election!"

Kiba squinted his eyes in confusion. "Who is Al Gore?" he asked.

Shino shrugged. "You got me…"

A pair of hands reached down and took the laptop out of Hinata's hands. "Thanks, I was looking for that everywhere!" the strange girl said. "Note to self… change password…" she mumbled under her breath.

"Now just who are you?" Neji questioned the uninvited guest.

"I'm Chosenmibhar"

Everyone grew bugged eyed.

"…Really?"

"Yeah"

"You're a girl?"

"Yeah"

"Well that explains a lot…"

"Explains a lot of what?"

"Oh nothing"

"Ooookay…" Chosenmibhar said uneasily.

"So…um…hahah..ahh how long have you been listening in?" Kiba asked nervously.

"Oh just long enough" Chosenmibhar replied.

"Wow you look kind of chunky in person" Kankuro remarked aloud without thinking.

"…"

"S-Sorry! That didn't come out right, I swear!" Kankuro tried to apologize.

Chosenmibhar squatted down and began to type on her laptop.

"Hey what are you—Ahhhhh!" Kankuro screamed as he disappeared.

"Wha-what?" Gaara asked taken aback.

Chosenmibhar turned the computer around so that they could see. On the screen it read, _'Kankuro must watch 'Beverly Hills Chihuahuas' for 200 hours straight in the shadow realm'_

"No way, she actually can did that!" Konohamaru asked alarmed.

"Well she is the Kami of _From Boxers to Bras_…" Shino said. "She can do anything"

"I'm the Kami of what?" Chosenmibhar asked while looking confused.

"Oh Kami it's true!" Shion got down on her knees. "Chosenmibhar-sama forgive us, have mercy!"

Chosenmibhar sighed. "Will you guys chill out? I'm not here to torture any of you. I just wanted to join the party. I also heard Hinata made her famous dark chocolate mint cake"

Hinata blushed. In a pleased tone she said, "I-I did, please enjoy y-yourself…"

Sasuke walked up to the author. "Hey, Chosenmibhar. I'm glad you could make it. Tell these sore losers about the poll results"

"Yeah about that…" Chosenmibhar pressed the delete key for the poll to the shock of everyone present.

Sasuke's jaw dropped. "WHAT? Why the hell did you do that for!" he demanded.

"Well I guess I simply changed my mind"

"And you can just do that?"

"Yes I can. If politicians can do it, why can't I?"

"You stupid wishy-washy bitch! Naruto is mine!" Sasuke ran toward the author in a rage. "Amaterasu!"

But surprisingly the author was faster. She leapt forward, armed only with a single finger. "Eye poke no jutsu!" Chosenmibhar shouted as she rammed a well manicured nail into Sasuke's eyeball.

Sasuke reeled back with a howl of pain. "Owww! Oh damn it! Owww!"

Kakashi raised his eyes. "Wow, that's surprisingly effective against the sharingan"

Chosenmibhar nodded proudly. "Yep, it works against the byakugan too, see…"

She poked Neji in the eye who just so happened to be standing beside her.

"OW!" Neji stumbled back while clutching his eye. "What was that for?"

"Example"

Neji rubbed his eye. "Sadistic…" he grumbled under his breath.

"Yep, I'm that too" Chosenmibhar admitted unblushingly. "Did I ever mention that I was a fan of the 'Tom and Jerry' series as a kid?"

"Well that explains a lot…"

"So, Chosenmibahr. What does this mean now that the poll is deleted? Will Sasuke _still_ end up with Naruto anyway?" Kiba asked. He crossed his arms. "Or are you just giving us false hope?"

Chosenmibhar shrugs. "Who knows? Now that the poll is deleted, this story is now completely uncharted from now on… it could be any of you. So make sure each of you court wisely!"

"F-For real?" Kiba asked. "No favoritism?"

"Nope" Chosenmibhar said. "I've decided to level the playing field"

"You mean we all have a chance again?" Choji asked hopefully.

"Yes"

"Even me?" Konohamaru asked.

"Yep, even you"

Udon blew his nose in a tissue before asking, "Me too?"

"Uh…" Chosenmibhar trailed uneasily. "Who are you again?"

"Ahhh you meanine! You said _everyone_!"

"Does that include me?" Kakashi asked.

"Ummm aren't you a little too old for her?"

"Hey, the girls like mature older men and heck, I still arise to the occasion if you know what I mean—"

"I did not even ask that…and I really don't want to know either" Chosenmibhar added as an afterthought.

"What about us?" Shion and Hinata asked next.

Chosenmibhar sent the girls a mischievous smile. "Who says Naruto has to remain a girl in this fic?" She winked.

Hinata glowed with happiness.

Shion pumped her fist into the air. "Watch out boys, Naruto will be mine!"

"Naruto, I will bring the spring thaw to this ghastly winter! I declare if I don't deflower Naruto by chapter 20, I will do cart-wheels in a clown suit through the Great Shinobi Nations and back!" he declared passionately.

"Lee that's just wrong" Choji shook his head.

"Lee, just from that comment I can tell it's so not gonna happen for you" Neji sighed. Turning to the author he said, "Thank you Chosenmibhar"

"Sure"

"One question though, why did you change your mind? It's kind of abrupt… isn't it? Especially since your long absences… it does make you seem a little unreliable" Neji said carefully. "Not saying you are!" he added quickly.

"You have a point. I want to say that I had made a mistake asking people for their input. I mean people's opinions count but it really made me wishy-washy from trying to make so many people happy. In the end I realized no matter what you do, you can't please everyone…"

Neji nodded sagely. "True, very true"

"I then realized how the fun was totally sucked out of writing this story when I trapped myself into one paring. I want it to return to the days when it was fun and unpredictable. So a finalized couple won't come until the very end, because frankly I don't even know what's going to happen now…you know the old saying: the journey is fun, the destination sucks"

"…That's not how it goes…"

Chosenmibhar shrugs. "Whatever, you get the point, right?"

"Crystal clear" Neji responded evenly.

Sasuke sighed. Having been long recovered from the eye poke said, "Well that least that stupid 'what if Gaara ended up with Naruto' chapter is cancelled…" he consoled to himself a loud.

Chosenmibhar shook her head. "Ah, no. I'm still posting it"

"What?" Sasuke said in disbelief. "But isn't that showing favoritism?""

"No"

"But didn't you vote for Gaara in the last poll?" Shino asked suspiciously. "Hinata mentioned it earlier"

Hinata mouthed a sorry to the author.

"Y….erm…noooooo…" Chosenmibhar looked away uneasily.

Shino glared. "You did, didn't you?"

Chosenmibhar sighed before admitting. "Fine, I did. Are you happy now?"

"Did you vote more than once?" he asked instead.

"Of course not!" Chosenmibhar said scandalized. "That's cheating!"

"Right" said disbelievingly.

"I didn't!"

"Sure"

"Stop accusing me!"

"I'm not accusing you of anything but your conscience is…"

Ignoring him complete Chosenmibhar looked straight ahead and said, "Don't listen to him folks. Anyway next time: Chapter 16: What if Naruto chose Gaara. Till then see you soon!"

"Who the hell are you talking to?" Kiba asked.

"The audience sitting behind the fourth wall" Chosenmibhar answered.

"What fourth wall?"

"Exactly"

"No, seriously what"

"Nothing that concerns you"

"I want to know"

"It's kinda hard to explain…"

Kiba grumbled under his breath.

Chosenmibhar sighed. Looking straight ahead again she said, "In other news. I am now currently looking for an editor… a beta whatever. I don't even know what a beta is but what I do know is that I need someone to oversee my work. It's either that or simply wait to Fall. Its one thing to type out the story but it's another thing to go over my work. Which takes forever and I still have spelling mistakes. So I would appreciate it if someone would volunteer to help me out—"

"You're pathetic" Kiba told her simply.

"And you're a whinny mutt" Chosenmibhar snapped back. Continuing on, she said, "—Now the perks are obvious; you get to read and rate my story first and can even add your own input. You could just be the editor for this story alone or you could help me with my other stories. Either way if you feel like you want to help me please don't hesitate to contact me"

"You're kidding right? Our fate is in the hands of our merciful readers who would edit your awful work?" Kiba said, speaking for everyone else.

"Hm... pretty much, in a nut shell"

"You are the worst author ever!"

Chosenmibhar began to type on the computer again, _'Kiba will dance the margarita while having diarrhea—'_

"No! No! No! No! I'm so sorry; just forget what I said please!"

"Just this once" Chosenmibhar said as she closed her laptop. "Well I believe that is all… goodbye everyone. Enjoy the party. I'll get the cake to go…"

"Wait…" Gaara called after Chosenmibhar.

"What?"

"You forgot to bring back my brother" he mentioned.

"Ohh yeah I did" Chosenmibhar said and then shrugged uncaringly. "I think I'll summon him back next time next time"

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_**Will TBC…**_

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	16. If Naruto marries Gaara

**CM:** This is the third intermediate chapter

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto gets turned into a girl and now the guys are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light. Poor, poor Naruto… A femmNaruto story.

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

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**Chapter 16:** If Naruto marries Gaara

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Naruto looked down at her list. "Okay…"

Standing before her were two little redheads. One was her 6 year old son, Ren Uzumaki, and the other was her 4 year old daughter, Aiko Uzumaki.

Ren looked amazingly a lot like Naruto's deceased father, the Yondaime, but only with scarlet hair. Since he was born from a Jinchuriki, his cheeks were adorned with three whisker lines on each side. Ren had also (to everyone's dismay) inherited his mother's mischievous nature and her fashion sense. His favorite color was lime green and he wore a short sleeved hoodie that was the blinding shade of neon green.

Aiko, on the other hand, had inherited Gaara's looks to the fullest and thankfully his personality too. Calm and collected, she was a gentle-hearted little girl. Her long hair was pulled back into a high ponytail to the left side of her head. Like her brother, she had whisker lines on her cheeks that made her even more adorable. Whoever looked at her was instantly reminded of a kitten.

"I'm reading off the list, ready you two?"

The two kids nodded.

"Underwear?"

"Check"

"Swimsuits?"

"Check"

"Toothbrush?"

"Check"

"Hairbrush?"

"Check"

"Pika, the unicorn plusie?" Naruto asked.

"Check!" Aiko chipped happily.

"Bedtime diapers, Ren?—"

"MOM!" Ren shrieked, scandalized.

Aiko giggled into her hands at her big brother's embarrassment. Ren still wetted his bedding at night from time to time. Especially if he drunk anything late at night.

"Okay you two, behave for daddy" Naruto said sweetly before frowning. Her frown was specifically hovering on Ren. "And no more playing dress up with the Kazekage Statues!"

"Awww" Ren pouted. "But it was hilarious, especially the face of the Sandaime Kazekage statue. He looked great in drag! Hehehehehe!"

"Yes and I had the greatest afternoon getting chewed out by the councilmen" a dully sarcastic voice said.

Gaara appeared in the doorway. At 32 years old Gaara was taller. His burly shoulders were broad and his chin was squared off giving him a strong masculine look but generally he looked the same.

"Yeah but I cleaned it up good!" Ren shot back. "You can barely see the traces of lipstick on the Nidaime Kazekage to this day!"

"That's not the point" Gaara said dryly.

"Oh come on pops!" Ren insisted walking up to Gaara. "You liked it too and Uncle Kankuro was nearly busting a gut!"

Gaara crossed his arms over his chest. "_I_ was not amused" he dead-paned. "Especially with those hideous raccoon ears you gave my figurine"

Ren grinned mischievously. "….brought back bad memories, eh?"

Gaara's answer was an annoyed scowl.

"Okay, okay, sorry!" Ren apologized quickly. "But still old man, I could swear I saw your mouth twitching upward—at least before you saw your own statue! Heh-heh!"

Gaara turned to Naruto. "I'll take Aiko with me to Suna, you keep Ren" he told his wife.

"Hey!" Ren shouted. "That's favoritism! Unfair! Unfair!"

"Gaaaaaara! I'm stressing, here! It's your month anyway, please take both of them!" Naruto pleaded as she held her back and shifted the weight to her feet. Immediately Gaara was concerned. His eyes lingered on Naruto's 8 month pregnant belly before levitating to meet his wife's blue eyes.

"Will you be alright?" Gaara asked worriedly.

"Please, I'm fine!" Naruto happily reassured her husband. She gave her stomach a hearty pat. "Really! This baby isn't coming for another five weeks. You three will be back by then. Just to make sure I don't go into premature labor, take Ren with you"

"Ahhh! You're making me sound like a hellion!" Ren grumbled with a pout on his lips and his eyes were downcast.

Naruto smiled. Mindful of her midriff she bent over carefully and kissed her son's forehead. "You are, but we love you anyway!"

Since Ren was a one year old, Naruto and Gaara had started a tradition of trading off parenthood. The child (and then children, when Aiko was born) would spend a month in the other's village and then trade back. This month was Gaara's turn.

Shouldering his backpack, Ren yelled excitedly, "Yosh! Let's bring a little color to Suna, Ai-chan!"

"Yeah!" Aiko cheered sweetly.

Ren then held up a little white package from his jacket pocket. "And a little super lax for the councilmen's coffee…heh-heh!" he snickered with a devious smile on his face.

Gaara sent the boy a disturbed look.

Catching the look, Ren looked up at him innocently. "Why daddy-dearest would I _ever _do that to you?" Ren asked as he blinked up at Gaara cutely.

That's when Gaara decided to stay clear of all coffee pots until Ren was safely back in Konoha.

.

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.

.

"Hey, Gaara… Gaara!"

"Huh?" While rubbing his eyes, Gaara answered groggily, "What?"

Sending her brother a soft smile, Temari explained, "You were sleeping"

Gaara frowned. "I was…?"

Temari nodded with a smile. She remembered how her brother was insomniac in his youth and liked how Gaara was now able to sleep and catch catnaps every now and then. It was a little awkward at first for all of them but now they all had adjusted to it.

Lifting up a coffee cup Temari asked, "Want some coffee to help you wake you up, bro?—"

"NO!" Gaara said a little too quickly

Surprised by her brother's outburst Temari said, "Okay… no coffee. I get it" while backing away.

Gara sighed as he ran a hand over his face. It was just a dream. A strange dream… but at least he did not have to worry about lax being in his coffee anytime soon. "How far are we from Konoha?" he asked instead.

"Hmmm. I'd say two hours. If we run we'll be there in one hour" Temari answered him.

"We run" Gaara decided. "Let's go"

"Okay, I'll go wake Kankuro up and we'll be along our way" Temari walked over to where Kankuro was curled up in a ball, muttering to himself as he slept. "Wake up you lazy bum!" She called to him before striking him on the side.

"AHHHHHHH!"

Temari jump back, her iron fan in hand. "What in Kami's name is wrong with you?" She demanded. "I didn't hit you that hard!"

Kankuro looked around wildly for a moment before calming down. He groaned as he rubbed his eyes. "Oh Kami…" he groaned. "I had the worst dream ever! I was stuck in this dark, shadowy place with this guy named Marik and I was forced to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua for hours on end, it was terrible!" he screamed. "THE HORROR!"

Temari blinked owlishly. "Ooooookay... No more afternoon naps for you or Gaara" she said decisively.

**.**

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_**TBC**_

**CM:** I'm sorry for the wait. I broke my March 1st promise already…_sighs_... I'm so sorry but my school work comes first. I'm thinking the next update will be next Wednesday or Tuesday afternoon. It's okay if you don't believe me though. -_-;

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	17. Bathhouse Mayhem!

**.**

**Title:** From boxers to bras

**Summary:** Naruto gets turned into a girl and now the guys are starting to see Konoha's loudest ninja in a new light. Poor, poor Naruto…

**Genre:** Humor/one-sided romance

**Disclaimer:** Naruto belongs to Kishimoto©

* * *

**Chapter 14:** Bathhouse Mayhem!

...

"Okay, you guys!" Ino said cheerfully. She had several large bags hanging on her thin arms. "I'll drop off these dresses at your house, Forehead! See yah LATER!" the girl practically skipped away. Sakura and Naruto didn't catch the devious look on Ino's face as she thought, _'Before I drop these there, I'm gonna put tracking devices on them so I can tail you guys on your dates and have the juiciest gossip ready for tomorrow!'_

"Okay, thanks, bye Ino!" Sakura said, completely oblivious to her Ino's intentions. Naruto meanwhile was exhausted and was kneeled down to the ground.

"I'm…" (_huff)_ "…never…" (_huff)_ "…going…" (_wheeze)_ "…shopping with her again!" Naruto managed to wheeze out.

"Yeah, Ino-pig can be a little extreme sometimes I'll admit but her fashion sense…ooooh! I swear women everywhere would kill to have it!" Sakura said with fire in her eyes. It was much similar to Lee's eyes whenever he was fired up about youth, only scarier.

Naruto backed away. "Sakura…you are scaring me…" she whined.

"Oh don't be silly, Naruto. Now! Let's go to the bathhouse!"

"Do we have to go there?" Naruto groaned. "I could just go home and shower you know—"

"For the 100th time yes you do!" Sakura snapped, clearly exasperated. "What are you so nervous about anyway?" she asked suspiciously. "You've been fidgeting about going over there all day!"

Naruto was about to tell her but reneged. "Nothing…Nothing at all" she groaned in resignation. Naruto reluctantly followed into Sakura into the bathhouse. As the girls were changing out in the locker-room they met up with Hinata.

"Hey, Hinata fancy seeing you here" Sakura greeted the timid girl.

"Hi, Sakura-chan, Naru-"

"HINATA!" Naruto clinged to the ends of Hinata's towel. "SAVE ME PLEASE!"

"N-Naruto-kun!" Hinata exclaimed, taken aback.

"Oh Naruto, you big baby!" Sakura said as she snatched Naruto from Hinata.

"No really, please help me!" Naruto cried as Sakura dragged her toward the baths.

A woman looked up and shrieked when she saw Naruto's Naruko form. Quickly wrapping herself in a towel she yelled, "Hey, that perverted Naruto is back!" catching everyone's attention.

Naruto was began to sweat bullets. "No I'm really a girl _this_ time—OW" a bucket had made contact with her head.

"Oh like we've fall for that again you cross-dressing pervert!" a girl yelled.

"Yeah get back on the boys' side!" another screamed.

"Perverted boy!"

"Peeping tom!"

"Hey! I'm not a pervert—OW! OW! OW!" Naruto yelled as she ran out of the girl's locker room while getting hammered with wash bins.

Hinata looked on with horror. "S-Should we help Naruto-kun?" she asked her female companion.

"Nope" Sakura said flatly. "It's free entertainment. Besides knowing Naruto, she probably deserved it"

...

* * *

...

Currently on the men's side of the hot springs…

Shikamaru Nara was just enjoying an afternoon soak in the male public baths with his best friend Choji… or was enjoying it until he had to spend five hours in it. Shikamaru rubbed the back of his neck with a washcloth. "Man, Choji we've been here since opening. I'm starting to resemble a boiled lobster!" he complained. "Let's split"

"But I need to sweat out the pounds!" Choji mumbled. He sunk deeper into the water until it was up to his chin. "…I guess I'll catch you later"

"You're devotion is inspirational!" Lee said. "I will stay with through this challenge! In fact I bet I can stay in longer than you can or I will run 30 laps around the border of Fire country within 48 hours!"

"Er… thanks Lee-kun… I think" Choji said unsure. This really wasn't a contest to begin with but he didn't mind the company.

"Geeze, if I knew it was going to be this crowded I wouldn't have come today!" Konohamaru grumbled to his friend Udon. They also happened to be there in the baths today.

"Well it's not like we had a choice. That mission to clean out the bayou of the Forest of Death got us covered from head to toe in that fungi sludge" Udon reasoned. "And my mom would kill me if I came home covered in it!"

Konohamaru surpassed a shudder. "Don't remind me" Unconsciously he began to scrub his arms harder.

Shikamaru nodded to Choji. He stood up and climbed out of the bath. The cold air felt refreshing against his flushed skin. "You can't lose too much weight you know" he reasoned. "Later Cho—"

"Mind if I come in gentlemen?" a sugar coated voice asked suddenly. The men looked up to see Naruto smiling cutely at them.

"GYAA!" Shikamaru shouted in alarm as he fell back into the water, desperately trying to cover himself.

Most of the men blinked. Was this a dream? None of them complained when Naruto dropped her towel. All the men in the bath gasped. Several fell out with nosebleeds and came close to drowning in the water until their friends rescued them.

"Nope, I didn't think so" Naruto mused. "Hey, Shika what's shaking? Oh hey Choji, almost didn't see you there. How's it going?"

"I'm f-fine…" Choji lifted his hand in a weak 'hi'.

"You-you're a girl now!" Shikamaru yelped as he tried to stop looking at Naruto's nudity. "Get back on the girl's side!"

Naruto sighed. "Can't you just pretend its mixed baths today?" she whined.

"NO!" Shikamaru shrieked. His voice was nearly cracking. "I already have a troublesome girlfriend and you are not going to make even more problems for me!"

Naruto puffed her cheeks. "Look the girls kicked me out of their side, okay? So the boy's side is all that's left do you mind?"

"Hell yes I do!"

"Well tough!" Naruto said with a sense of finality. As she was about to walk in she slipped on a bar of soap and fell in head first instead.

"Look she's drowning! I have to give her mouth!" Udon shouted eagerly.

Konohamaru roughly pushed Udon aside. "No you won't—I will!" he yelled. "I'm coming boss!"

Lee grabbed the boys by their heads and slammed them down on the side of the pool. "_Neither_ of you perverts will! How dare you disrespect the lovely sunshine of Konoha!"

"OW! As if you are one to talk!" Udon yelped through the pain.

"Yeah we've seen you at the orange market!" Konohamaru accused.

Choji helped Naruto stand up. As she resurfaced the water, coughing and haking.

"The Orange Market?" Shikamaru asked while raising his eyebrow. "Choji mentioned it a couple of weeks ago…what is that exactly?"

Choji nearly dropped Naruto when he heard what Shikamaru said. "N-No I didn't!" he tried to deny.

Naruto brushed the wet hair out of her face. "Orange Market... is it a clothing line or something?" she asked.

"Ahhha!" Lee said nervously. "It's nothing…nothing at all!"

Konohamaru snorted. "Yeah right, it ani't nothing but a p—ommmf!" Lee had slapped his hand over Konohamaru's mouth.

Naruto squnited sucipiously. "What was he going to say...?"

"Um... p...photography!" Lee came up quickly.

"It's po-"

"Be quiet!" Lee hissed.

Konohamaru smirked at Lee like the cat that had conered the carnay. "Then it's gonna cost ya"

Lee groaned.

...

* * *

...

Sakura could hear the wolf calls and screams from the boy's side suddenly. Even before she heard the name she knew it had to be Naruto. Only Naruto could make such a scene. Sakura rolled her eyes in aggravation. "What could that baka be doing now?" she asked annoyed under her breath. "Does she have any sense of shame?"

"D-do think that commotion on the other side is being caused by Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked.

Sakura barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. "When is there a commotion that wasn't caused by Naruto?" she asked flatly. "Come on, let's go rescue the boys" Sakura said as she climbed out of the tub.

Hinata privately thought they _wouldn't _want to be rescued but didn't defy Sakura. Meekly she followed Sakura back to the locker room.

Sakuta opened the locker they had rented, she saw Naruto's wind breaker suit and boxers. She rolled her eyes. Figures Naruto would be still wearing boxers after all these months. When she pulled the boxers out Sakura noticed something different and faintly familiar about them. Usually Naruto's boxers were orange and covered with frog prints. Now when she really looked at it, those boxers were instead jet black and had a repetitive white and red symbol on it: the Uchiha symbol. Sakura blinked in confusion. Why did Naruto have the Uchiha fan on her boxers? Unless…

"Wait…these can't be Sasuke's boxers…?" Sakura asked aloud. "... wait... they _are_ Sasuke's boxers"

Sakura stood there numb for several seconds before her chakra signature spiked dangerously. It turned from green to blood red.

Hinata shuddered as she felt the sinister chakra flush throughout the bathhouse. The other girls in the public bath cowered in fear. They screamed and ran toward the exit, desperately trying to get out of Sakura's way. Sakura stepped on the unfortunate women who tripped.

**"NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOO!"** Sakura bellowed. **"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY MAN'S BOXERS?"**

...

* * *

**...**

Shikamaru wrapped a towel around his waist. _'I better split now…Naruto has a thing for attracting trouble'_. The Nara then proceeded to leave, just as he was about to head back into the locker room he saw something charging at him.

"Huh? What the—GAH!" Shikamaru squeaked and flattened himself against the tile wall just as an enraged Sakura ran pass him charging at Naruto like a rhino who had a bullet in its ass. **"YOU'RE DEAD NARUTO!"** She jumped into the air and brought down her heel. **"HEAVENLY KICK OF PAIN! CHA!"**

Naruto literally saw her life flashing before her eyes. Her first ramen cup. Her first rasengan. Her first kiss with Sasuke…_ew,_ how did that come up?

Narrowly Naruto dodged Sakura's drop kick."WHA-WHAT DID I DO?" Naruto asked frantic.

"YOU'RE SEEING SASUKE BEHIND ME MY BACK—THAT'S WHAT!"

"WHAT?" Naruto was startled by the accusation. "I AM SO NOT! EW!"

"YES YOU ARE!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PROOF—"

Sakura shoved the Uchiha symbol covered boxers into Naruto's face.

Naruto paled. She forgot to give them back to the bastard. "Oh shit…" curse those boxers for being so comfortable!

"Hey, give Naruto a break!" Shikamaru said suddenly. He came up in-between the girls. "We all know-"

"That I wouldn't do such a thing!" Naruto finished for him.

Shikamaru shook his head. "No, that Sasuke can't repopulate the Uchiha clan with just _one_ woman" he patted Sakura on the back. "You'll get use to sharing"

"WHAT?" Naruto asked incredulously.

Sakura's eyes blazed an unnatural shade of green. **"NAAAAA…RUUUUU…TOOOOOOO!"**

"Are you trying to get me killed Shikamaru?" Naruto yelled as she ran into the locker room with Sakura hot on her tail.

"Not intentionally. I was just vocalizing my thoughts" Shikamaru answered with a yawn.

"WELL KEEP THEM TO YOURSELF! AIYEEE!" Naruto screamed as she scarcely dodged a charka infested punch. Sakura's fist had missed her by a millimeter. Instead it had hit the foundation of the building causing the roof to cave in.

Shikamaru sent the scene a tired look and groaned. So much for leaving…

...

* * *

...

"And where do you think you are you going, Uchiha?" Kiba asked suspiciously.

"Why are you following me?" Sasuke asked back coolly.

Kiba glared at him. "Because you're a closest pervert and I don't trust you"

Sasuke sent him a bored look. "Like you aren't?—"

"Whoa, look at that! Two kunoichi chicks are going at it!" a random guy said excitedly. He pointed toward the roof-tops. Kiba and Sasuke looked up to see two partially naked women running and jumping on the roofs. One was Naruto who was running like a hellhound was after her and the so called hellhound was no other than Tsunade's prized student, Sakura.

"OH COME ON SAKURA, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, I SWEAR!" Naruto yelled.

Sakura threw some kunai at Naruto. Only Kami knew where she got them from. "NOTHING?" she shrieked."THEN HOW DID YOU GET A HOLD OF MY BOYFRIEND'S BOXERS?"

Sasuke's jaw dropped.

"HE GAVE THEM TO ME BECAUSE—"

"HE _GAVE_ THEM TO YOU?" Sakura freaked. "YOU TRAITOR! AND TO THINK I TRUSTED YOU!"

Sasuke suddenly felt very, very sick.

"**SAAAA**…**SUUUKE**…" Kiba growled beside him.

Sasuke turned to see Kiba looking like a rabid dog. Foam was even gathering at the corners of his mouth. "… Explain yourself, you filthy manwhore!"

"Watch it mutt" Sasuke hissed. "I've told you nothing happened between us"

"AIYEEEEEEE!" Naruto screamed.

Sasuke was partially relieved when Naruto's scream drew Kiba's attention away from him.

"Nooo! Don't kill my date!" Kiba yelled to Sakura. He jumped up on the roof top. "Uchiha!" he yelled down at the twitching man. "Do something about your violent girlfriend!"

Snapping out of his stupor Sasuke ran after Sakura. "S-Sakura! Wait! It's not what you think!"

Naruto was getting tired of being chased around. That's when she decided to use her signature jutsu. "Shadow clone jutsu!" In a huge puff of smoke there was a thousand half naked blondes running off in every direction. Sakura wasn't discouraged at all by the numbers. She began to punch the daylights out of as many Narutos as she could get within arms length.

...

* * *

...

Hiashi Hyuuga, leader of the Hyuuga clan was sitting outside with his nephew Neji at a local tea shop. The two gentlemen were enjoying a short break from training.

The clan leader took a slip from his tea cup before exhaling a contented sigh. "Ah, what a refreshing day" he mused aloud.

Neji nodded. "Indeed…its days like this that make me glad to be alive—GAH!"

Suddenly a Naruto clone jumped down from a roof top right in Neji's and Hiashi's line of vision while accidently flashing her womanly parts to them. Both Hiashi and Neji fell back with massive nosebleeds.

Yes. It was a very good day to be alive.

...

* * *

...

Sai was currently having the time of his life! He was taking pictures left and right of hundreds of sexy Narutos running throughout the city. He was going to call this limited photo edition 'Parade of the Goddesses'. Money, money, money! He knew these photos would sell out the first day—no the first hour!

"Sai..."

Sai suddenly froze. The voice sounded ferocious and barely contained. Sai turned to see his adorable girlfriend of two years scowling at him.

"I-Ino-chan…" Sai said as a bead of sweat ran down his forehead.

"You're taking pictures of Naruto, why?" Ino asked carefully.

Every single cell in Sai body was screaming danger, danger! Slowly easing himself up Sai said, "It's not what it looks like, sweetie pie"

Ino huffed and crossed her arms. "I may be blonde but not stupid" she glared at him. "Explain and you _may_ crawl yourself out of this one …alive… but certainly mangled!"

"Well you see Miss. Beautiful it's—HEY WHAT'S THAT?" Sai said pointing.

"I'm not falling for that!" Ino snapped.

Sai decided to just to run for dear life.

"SAI, YOU SLEAZY PERVERT! GET BACK HERE NOW!" Ino screamed as she took off after her boyfriend or rather ex-boyfriend depending on his answer.

...

* * *

...

Gaara was approaching the gates of Konoha with his siblings when he noticed several towel wrapped Narutos running on the city's walls. There were even some hopping from building to building. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"…What…"

"…the…" Temari said with shocked eyes.

"…There are angels!" Kankuro finished with big glossy eyes.

His two siblings turned to look at him. "What?"

"Hey!" a Naruto said suddenly. She'd noticed Gaara. "It's Gaara!" she called to the others.

Immediately the group of girls ceased to run around in a panic and happily ran to the startled red head. In a flash Gaara was on the ground being hugged and snuggled by over twenty Narutos.

"Oh Gaara, thank goodness you're here!"

"I'm so glad to see you Gaara!"

"Will you protect us, Gaara-kun?"

"Thank you for coming!"

"Please help little o' me!"

Temari didn't know if she should laugh at her brother's expression or ask what the heck was going on. Kankuro stood off to the side looking dejected and turned an envious eye onto his younger brother. Getting snuggled by beautiful girls (for free) was one of his secret dreams and Gaara got it without even trying! No fair!

Gaara meanwhile couldn't take the ecstasy. Never before had he felt so many girls pressed against his person and it was driving him into oblivion! With an idiot smile on his usually stoical features, Gaara had the biggest nosebleed in the history of nosebleeds and fell blissfully into unconsciousness.

"Oh no, Gaara-kun!" a clone squealed.

"You must save us from Sakura-oni!"

"Gaara, wake up!" several Narutos said as they tried to revive their savior.

...

* * *

...

Currently back at the hot springs was the _real_ Naruto. She was hiding away in the abandoned locker room. Earlier when she had fallen into the water she had switched herself out with a clone.

"Is it safe?" she asked nervously.

Hinata nodded. The loyal Hyuuga was standing guard by a locker. Hinata deactivated her byakugan and knelled down to where Naruto was hiding. "Yes…she's currently on the other side of the village…" she answered.

Naruto crawled out of the locker and sat down on the floor. She looked up at Hinata with big watery eyes that a wrongfully kicked puppy would have. "This is the worst day of my life!" Naruto declared and sniffled.

"Oh, Naruto-kun... I...I'm sure this is nothing but a big misunderstanding..." Hinata tried to reassure her friend.

"Well it is!" Naruto wailed before pouting like a little child. That's when Hinata noticed Naruto's puckered lips.

Her lips were plump. Not big and ugly like blimp lips but bigger than the norm in a nice way. Hinata leaned forward to get a better look. They looked so soft and red. Hinata wondered if they tasted like cherries… Hinata liked cherries. She liked cinnamon rolls with cherry filling. Hinata licked her lips.

Naruto saw the sudden hungry look on Hinata's face and sweat-dropped. "Hinata... you are a little too close" she said as she eased bacl.

Hinata blinked as if she just noticed how close she was. "Oh my... I-I'm sorry!" Hinata said. She touched her face because it felt hot. _'Why... why am I blushing?'_

"Its okay, Hinata. So why were you looking at me like that? Are you hungry or something?" Naruto asked.

If possible, Hinata's blush darken to a shade of maroon. "Um… um….y-yeah you c-can say that…"

Naruto looked concerned. "Hey, Hinata you don't look so good. Do you need something to drink?"

Hinata smiled. Leave it to Naruto to always care. "N-no, I'll be alright but I think you need to get going…"

Naruto's face paled as she sighed with dread. "Yeah, you're right... See yeah around Hinata-chan. I'm really glad you're my friend. You really saved my butt today!"

"…Anytime, Naruto-kun…."

Naruto hugged Hinata before getting up and leaving. Hinata stared after her in a daze. She remained like that for nearly a minute before a revelation came to her. Hinata's eyes bulged out. "Oh... my... Kami…I'm...I'm a lesbian!" Hinata cried aloud once she thought she was alone.

"No, you are more like a Naru-sexual, actually" Shikamaru remarked.

"EEEP!" Hinata squeaked. She turned around to see Shikamaru standing behind her. "H-how long had you b-been there?"

"Since this whole troublesome situation began" Shikamaru groaned. He stretched his back. "But like I said you are a Naruto-sexual. You've been attracted to Naruto for years, switching out a penis for a vagina isn't going to change that overnight" he explained flatly. Picking up his wash tub Shikamaru walked passed the stunned girl.

"Now I better get going, Temari's coming. If I'm late meeting her at the Hokage tower, she'll make my already complicated day hotter than Hades itself"

…

* * *

…

"Sakura, for the last time I''m not seeing the bastard!" Naruto yelled. She gritted her teeth in fusteration. "Don't make me use the UWCSJ!" she threatened.

"And what the heck is that?" Sakura snapped.

"My ultra-woman-crushing-secret-jutsu!" Naruto answred.

Sakura scoffed. "Yeah right!"

"Alrighty then, you asked for it: sexy-jutsu Andro: Uchiha edition!" Naruto yelled as she acitived the techinque. When the smoke cleared there stood a damp, naked Sasuke. His milky white muscles gleamed in the sunlight. He smirked at Sakura. "Hey Sakura, come smack my bon-bons, honeybun!"

"HELL YEAH!" Sakura suffered a HUGE nosebleed as she fell back, barely being caught by (the real) Sasuke just in time.

Naruto (still in sexy Sasuke form) nodded to herself. "Works everytime with girls... expect for Hinata... hm... I wonder why-"

"NARUTO!" Sasuke said, scandalized.

Kiba turned green. "Ewww, just ewww. Waay too much detail" Kiba gagged as he looked away. "Naruto, cover that shit up right now!" he demanded.

"Who are you calling shit, dog breath?" Sasuke asked with a glare.

"You answered"

Sasuke was about to retort when he heard Sakura stirring in his arms. "Sakura..."

Sakura moaned as she blinked. She blinked for several seconds before her eyes widen. "Oh…Sassy-chan! How many licks do you want me to spank you with?" Sakura said excitedly but then she noticed that Sasuke was fully clothed. Her face dropped in disappointment. "Oh, you're clothed...I guess it was a dream...damn it!"

Sasuke's eye twitched. He growled. "Sakura..." letting it go, Sasuke sighed. "Sakura listen... I don't know why you are trying to kill Naruto but nothing happened between us..." Sasuke went on to explain the situation and G- rated account of the night Naruto stayed at his house and how she got a hold of his boxers by ruining her clothes in a mud hole like a typical 'dobe' much to Naruto's chagrin.

"Oh..." Sakura said as slowly she stood up. "So it was all a misunderstanding?"

"Yes, Sakura" Sasuke said. "I would never cheat on you"

Kiba snorted.

"Okay, I believe you" Sakura said instantly. "I'm sorry I've doubted you, Sassy-chan…can you forgive me?"

Naruto pouted. "Heeey, Sakura-chan! Don't I deserve an insincere apology?" she demanded.

"Tee, hee" Sakura giggled good-naturedly. With a forced grin she patted Naruto's shoulder _hard_. "Just be glad I didn't kill you, tee hee!" she answered in a sickeningly sweet voice.

Naruto wisely took a few steps back. It was confirmed. The girl was crazy. Completely Sassy-crazy…

Suddenly an ANBU agent landed on the roof near them. "Haruno Sakura and Uzumaki Naruto" he said.

"Yes..?"

"Tsunade-sama demands your presence immediately. Report at once to her office at once"

Two words ran through the young ladies' mind at once, "Uh oh…"

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**TBC…**

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**ChosenMibhar:** Finally, it has been done. I actually had fun writing this chapter!

From chapter 16- I drew a picture of Ren and Aiko together in a picture frame. I colored it with photoshop and posted it on my deviant art page. If you want to see it, go to the link on my profile page.

Also, I updated Role Swtich. Again, only if you are interested.

Till next time, bye!

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